Monday 22/83 (1/28)

Well, my weekend wasn’t too bad. Friday I went out to dinner with my aunt and uncle and we talked about a few things that have been bothering me in my life. Car troubles, work ext.. It was really nice to see them. They live pretty close to my work but I am always in a rush to get home (excuses yes, I’m well aware). So it’s always a pleasure to see them. Went to Blackfinn in Randhurst and ordered a nice big Caesar salad. At dinner we talked about getting certifies as a personal trainer again. It came down to them offering to pay for it (thinking about taking the NASM exam) which is so amazing of them. They really are such special people and very blessed that they are in my life. After dinner we headed home and I got a half assed work out in their bonus room upstairs (elliptical, treadmill, bike, weights, tanning ext). I suppose I was just not in the mood or whatever the fuck was going on in my head.

Aunt and Uncles beautiful home.

After that pathetic excuse to work out, I headed to Mike’s house. We didn’t do much except chill with a couple of his friends. Did nothing though, I would of rather spent that time in bed like I always do. Yes its nice to get out once in a while but I love my bed. I love sleeping. I love being lazy. Case closed.

Left pretty early Saturday morning because Mike had to be at the shop to work on his car so I decided to go home and start my day. I passed out (lmao) for an hour after making breakfast (eggs, ground turkey and onions), while my mother made oatmeal raisins cookies. meh. So my plan was to work out at 230pm before my tax return appointment at 4. However I have a really bad idea of time apparently and was stuck at a train at 245. Now.. this would have been fine (a solid hour of a workout) but I was training legs and needed to pick up a post work out meal prior to my appointment. So instead of rushing my work out I just decided to puts around and waste an hour so I could actually enjoy my work out. Did my return which only lasted about 20 minutes and headed right back to the gym. It was actually a pretty good work out besides me almost breaking my finger. Still swollen but nothing to bad, though did make dead lifting a littler header than normal. Again, no big deal I got through it. Went home and ate my go to meal of chicken brown rice and broccoli and did nothing besides laundry for the remainder of the night. Again let it be known I don’t give a fuck to go out, nor do I ever really want to. Going out always leads to extra calories consumed and well.. aint nobody got time for that.

Seriously mom????

Went to GNC before H&R to grab a few Quest Bars. After trying the banana nut I am so not a fan. Ol well.. Can’t win em all!

Just kidding, but seriously. Prepping and bringing your own food to places sometimes gets annoying. Yes, it is sometimes necessary but I could care less driving 45 minutes to go to a place I probably wouldn’t like in the first place… Unless its to eat.. then Id drive miles.

Baked Sweet Potato Fries (which chicken) for the mom and I on Saturday night.

Sunday morning I got up around 10am, sore ALL over. From my legs to my back it was not comfortable. I actually put an icy hot patch on for a few hours. I made breakfast again and laid around with Marley and the mother. We decided to head to the forest preserve for a 5 mile walk. I was actually game for this because instead of being lazy and taking a day off or hurting myself more at the gym, I figured this was a great idea. I love spending time with my mom I just fucking love the shit out of her. We made it through even with getting caught in a little hail storm and picked up 2 bowls of chili from a near by restaurant. I love their chili and was so needed after that little adventure. Afterwards I cleaned up a little bit more and waited for my lovely boyfriend to make his way over.

My mom holding my hand

Seriously the Triangle Cafe in Grayslake has the best chili!

He arrived around 7pm and made me pick a restaurant I wanted to eat at. My first idea was Red Robin… I just wanted their salad bar SO bad. So we made our way out to Gurnee and arrived. Little did I know that I had mistaken Red Robin for Ruby Tuesdays.. soooo of course I goggled where the closet one was but after a failed attempt to search for what I think is non existent we chose Lone star. We ordered the awesome blossom which is well, fucking awesome and munched on that till my steak and his combo arrived at the table. We sort of rushed because he didn’t want to miss Wicked Tuna on tv so I took the dessert that came with my meal to go. Only to get to my house and it wasn’t on till 11pm. Ha!

But that didn’t matter.. I have 1/2 a brownie and some ice cream to eat! I shared of course 😉

The awesome blossom!

Only had a few but steak fries with cheese (they forgot the bacon) 😦 and a 8oz sirloin cooked medium rare, duh.

Spent the rest of the night in the arms of the love of my life. A simple weekend that I must take advantage of now considering I am a few days shy of hitting the 8 week mark (it’s only going to get more hectic).

I am still only doing about 15 minutes of cardio, and consuming as much carbs as I feel necessary. Like I have mentioned before when I get closer I will change a few things up.

For example:Amount of cardio (could possibly range from 30-2 hours per day)
My diet- No fruits, limited carbs ext
No Diet coke (causes bloating) and
Lower my sodium intake (and trust me I am consuming a lot. I always have. I do have a feeling that when I cut my sodium I am going to lose A LOT of water weight).

Doesn’t really count as a progress picture but my legs are leaning out already.

That is it for now. Realized I am not going to post progress pictures up just yet. I want to do the before and after and go into a full detail on my way of life.

This is my road to ripped.

Friday 19/83 (1/25)

Wednesday of next week, I will be 8 weeks out. I am a little nervous but 2 months I believe, should be enough time. I don’t have a lot of weight to lose but it seems like when you hit 8 weeks the time flies. If I do not feel comfortable in 6-7 weeks I will opt for a show a little later. I believe there is one a week or two after that I was looking into so that will at least give me a little more time.

However, Wednesday of this week was an off day for me. Not because I wanted one but because life didn’t think I should work out. Lol.. My boyfriend ended up becoming stranded with no car so I had to move some things around. I went home and prepared a few meals and by the time I put the lids on, I had to pick him up at the train station. No big deal though (and no I didn’t beat myself up like I usually do), I was sore in all sorts of places!

 

Meal Prepping! Chicken and Brown Rice 🙂

We grabbed some sushi and got home in time for me to watch the season finale of American Horror Story (my ALL TIME FAVORITE SHOW!!!!!). Passed out shortly after.

My favorite is the second from the left, called Nikko. Shrimp and Avocado (that I take off) over spicy crunch crab with cucumber.

Thursday (yesterday), I did 45 solid minutes of chest. I was working out for an hour but won’t count it as such because I caught myself starring into space a few times. I don’t know what it was (maybe no pre workout, tired.. idk). I took a little more time in between sets but hey I at least got my ass to the gym. I finished with 15 minutes of stairs.

Definitely sticking with 15 minutes of cardio no matter how bad I want to do more. I need to preserve this ass!

Food wise I am still going strong. Sushi knocked me a little (the sauce is always high in fat/calories), but too be honest I skipped 2 meals on accident so I don’t think it hurt me too bad. I usually have a cheat meal on the weekends but I am going to keep it healthy.

My food for the 8 hours I am at work. Greek Yogurt, Apple, Banana, Almonds, Chicken Brown Rice Broccoli and a Quest Bar (not shown).

My life is slowly but surely coming together, or I am getting better at handling the stress. Money issues, car issues, school issues are still.. well, issues but I am starting to allow God to get me thru them. I am headed over to my aunts after work and hopefully can get some insight on my life. It’s nice talking and getting advice some times, although I know I am going to cry once or twice.. I just know it! Ol well, sometimes I just need to let go..

I did however get my first online client of the year. So with that I am not going to go into detail about my work outs that much because that wouldn’t be fair to the folks that pay for it. I don’t mind answering any and all questions though!

Nothing really planned for the weekend. I do have an appointment to get my taxes done tomorrow and possibly a fishing show on Sunday but that’s as exciting as my weekend gets. I don’t mind (well not all the time. My Jeep is a gas guzzler and I am piss ass broke), I enjoy resting and spending time with my Mom. I think I should take her out for a little lunch date though.. It will be a nice hour or two.

Well.. that is all my friends. Going to do full body work out today (at my aunt’s house because LA Fitness closes at 10 and there’s no way I would be able to get there in time and NO WAY I am missing another work out), Hamstrings Saturday, and Shoulders on Sunday. I hope ya’lls weekend is a little more eventful than mine!

Tuesday 16/83 (1/23)

First work out back since the weekend and I started with Arms (biceps and triceps).. I was actually feeling a little sore after a few sets.

Seated Bicep Curls (25lbs each) super setted with standing hammer curls till failure (15lbs each).

Tricep Pushdowns (increased weight, ending at 70lbs)

Abs for 5 sets

Preacher Curls (actually loved these)

& ended with Weighted Tricep Dips

I also did 15 minutes of the stairs but have been thinking about dropping cardio in half like I did today, or completely taking it out for a few weeks. I have been dropping weight but I still have quite a bit of time and don’t want to risk losing my ass (I honestly think its gotten smaller). I think if I decided to do cardio I can only do the stairs (which sucks because the stairs are getting harder). Later on down the road I might add in a little cycling but I will know in a couple weeks.

Food wise I am still consuming a lot of carbs. I want to keep as much muscle as possible (again, PLEASE DON’T BE SCARED OF CARBS!!!!! It’s processed, sugar added foods you should worry about).

My diet right now consists of Oatmeal (in my protein shakes), Brown Rice and Brown Rice Pasta (and some whole wheat bread here and there).
Ground Turkey, Chicken, some Red Meat and Protein shakes.
All sorts of veggies but have been consuming broccoli for the most part.
Strawberries Bananas Oranges.
Almonds, Coconut and Flaxseed (for fats).

In about a month, I will take my carbs down a bit and some of the fruit I have been eating (fruit = sugar). In that time I will also up my cardio when it is due.

So far, so good (knock on wood).

Will post progress pictures up soon.

Monday 15/83 (1/21)

Well I suppose I spoke too soon. Thursday I found out some bad news regarding school which lead me to drop a class. I am now down to one class starting in March which I am not thrilled about. Hopefully I can turn this around in time to at least take one, if not all of the ones I wanted to take. Why is it so easy for the government to just take away financial aid, putting my education on hold? All I want to do is go to class and finish my degree and it’s not going well. Definitely brought me to tears. However I actually got a work out in despite my attitude/mood (am I getting better at channeling my emotions?????????), though I did cry on the treadmill. I couldn’t stop them from falling. I mean what else do you do on the treadmill besides think? Fuck.

Keeping “everything will be okay” in mind. I have to. I have to be positive that my life will turn around. I have to actually put forth an effort and realize no one is going to do things to change my life except myself. I need to actually give a damn before its too late.

😦

That was found out Thursday, and after work Friday the boy and I headed out to Wisconsin for a little ice fishing trip. Everything was fine and dandy till we got close and had to stop at his fathers friends house for a cocktail. His father had the keys so we needed to go regardless if I was exhausted or not. We walked in and sat down, introduced me to both people there. Normal right? well I sat in silence while they had a conversation in polish. Completeing disregarding my presence. I felt awkward, embarrassed even.. I told him before we even left for Wisco that this is why I didn’t want to go with him and his father. I LOVE his family dont get me wrong but last time it was the 3 of us, I sat in silence at dinner and again felt awkward. I didn’t want to feel like that again and guess what? I did.. this time with 4 people not just one in a house I couldn’t just go hide in the bedroom in. Definately a mood changer. We left and I had my moment but we were back to normal within an hour or two.

Eggs and Bacon!

Woke up pretty early for us and I made us breakfast. His father left to go fishing with the couple that we met yesterday so I was excited to be alone with M. It was actually a beautiful day. I believe the temperature was in the low fourties which was awesome. We get to Petenwell and find a tow truck below about to pull out a sunken ATV. That made me nervous.. till I saw a car on the ice a few minutes later. Just have to be careful.. We set up and was on the ice around 1130am. We didn’t catch anything for nearly 3 hours, and didn’t seem very promising. M caught a catfish but that was the only catch for the day. Definitely a bummer. The wind starting picking up, literally knocking me off the shacks seat so that obviously pissed me off. We left shortly after.

Petenwall Lake

My boo.

 

We got home around 5 and started making dinner. We grilled steak and chicken and I prepared our favorite potatoes (onion stuffed potatoes wrapped in bacon), even though it was about 12 degrees outside. After dinner, M’s father left to go cook some of the fish he had caught earlier (I think totaling 15 or so..must be nice), as we headed to the casino. Got there and went straight to the bar, while he gave me $40 to spend. Lost in within 30 minutes so I sat and watched him. He ended up giving me another $10 and I lost that too. Seriously?

My favorite! Onion Stuffed potatoes wrapped in bacon!

MEAT!!

We both lost, and 45 minutes later was in the car headed back home. We usually stop at boner again (rattyass strip club lmao) but decided it was best to just go home considering we had booze there so why spend the extra $$. We got home, ate some birthday cake oreos (they were OK..M loved them but I def prefer the original), and headed to bed.

I promised myself that if I ever found these I would get them.. so I did.

Woke up around 10am and made the boys breakfast. Eggs with left over potatoes onions and bacon with some pancakes. I made my now famous (lol jk but they are def heaven in my mouth), pancakes. I put peanut butter on the plate first, stick a hot pancake on top add jelly and chocolate sauce and was topped with whipped cream. It was def picture worthy but I didn’t want to look like a freak in front of his dad lol. I was stuffed and ready to roll.

Okay not really, by the time we got on the ice I was crabby as fuck. Thank God for a great boyfriend or I would be single. We got the shack and the holes all prepped and began fishing. I caught the first one, which made me feel better about being crabby and was well.. no longer crabby.

My beautiful shot!

10-15 fish later around 430pm, we packed up and was ready to go home. I think we didn’t stay out for that long because 1, we had to get home sooner than later and 2 because his dad wasn’t catching anything. The first day we were on Petenwall and he caught a lot, this day we went to Fish Lake and we caught a lot but he didn’t. A little bizarre but all in good fun. We got home around 5pm and was packed up and ready to leave for home around 6. We stopped at a local restaurant (ok the only restaurant nearby) and actually had a really bad experience. I think they were short staffed but we were ignored for the first 15 minutes. I actually had to go up to the bar and ask for a server in which I was told it was going to be awhile as she had rude look on her face. Yeah… no. That doesn’t fly with me. So I sat my happy ass back down and waited. The boy could tell I was getting upset but it was honestly because we were blatantly being ignored. She could of got our drink order in while saying it would be a couple minutes till she could take our food order.. but we were literally ignored. A little while longer she came over, left the menus and left. We had an idea of what we wanted and a sure as hell enough time to decide so we ordered our drinks, appetizers and food as soon as she arrived back. After we placed the order the boy had to go back to the house because he left his phone and even then when he returned we still didn’t have our drinks. NOT. HAPPY. AT. ALL. And the only remark she said was “hope you’re not too hungry considering you’ve been waiting a while”… ya think? Well if I wasn’t hungry when I sat down I’m sure any food I had consumed prior was digested and why yes ma’am I believe I am starting to get hungry again.

Whatever. She brought the food out before the drinks..and I mean all the food.. It wasn’t appetizers it was like a 5 course meal we enjoyed that night. We weren’t going to leave a tip (don’t get me started I KNOW how a waitress is suppose to work and I KNOW how little they get paid. Regardless I wasn’t going to reward horrible service with a nice tip), so you my friend got $5. We left about 45minutes later and was on the way home in the 2 degree weather. Fuck was it cold. Thank God for heated seats.

yep, that’s right.. 2 degrees.

We got home around 1030 which we actually made really good time. I stayed at his house again and passed out after he put Ted on. I was tired, and def dreading today.. Monday.. another day at a job I hate. Horray for the weekends.

The boo and I.

Thursday 11/83 (1/17)

Haven’t updated much because well.. there isn’t much to tell. I have been consistent with my work outs and haven’t skipped one yet. I actually haven’t had a rest day (I know, BAD GIRL!) but it’s because I will be in Wisconsin Saturday and Sunday with no gym time, so that will be rest enough. I actually can’t believe how well I  have been doing, considering I am always tired. Like I mentioned before I think its because I can actually see my progress coming along!

Finally broke my schedule up, instead of doing full body-

Monday: Quads
Tuesday: Shoulders
Wednesday: Back
Thursday (Today): Hamstrings/Calves.

I have also been consistent with my cardio. Only 30 minutes till the end of the month. After that, I will up it by 15 minutes. Switching off between the stair master and treadmill (on an incline).

Eating has also been terrific. Haven’t been snacking like last week which is also great. But my meals aren’t getting any special so not much to discuss there..

Will update after my boys and I fishing trip, come monday. Have a good weekend!

Monday 8/83 (1/14)

Had a quiet/relaxing weekend. I find that since I live 45 minutes from not only my boyfriend but my girlfriends as well, that I stay home quite a bit. I don’t mind 75% of the time because I am one lazy motherfucker (not to mention a broke motherfucker as well), but that 25% of the time pisses me off. However, I don’t plan on changing anything anytime soon. School is starting soon. Mondays and Tuesdays I will be working from 9-5 then class from 6-9pm. The other class is still not posted which is a little bizarre to me considering it starts next Tuesday. I think this will be good for me though. Not only because I am slowly working on bettering myself ( I honestly wish I didn’t take this long to continue college, but it is what it is), but because I need to get out. I need something to put my mind at ease.The classes I am taking (health and wellness, contemporary health issues and principals of wellness coaching), are something I need for the career path I am trying to follow so I am definitely looking forward to that. It’s always nice to actually learn something that you are interested in. Hopefully this is a small stepping stone to a bigger part of my life. I might feel overwhelmed at first, so I am leaving the job search till the end of the month. I am creating little goals for myself in the time being (ie add/correct my resume, get organized ext). Small goals that will hopefully help me out in the long run so I think for now I am just going to deal with this job. I don’t want to deal with the added pressure of starting 3 classes and putting extra effort in starting a new job. I already know that I don’t want to waitress or bar-tend. I want to be in the fitness industry again. I don’t care if it’s front desk at a gym I just want to be in that atmosphere. Even if I took a pay cut, the travel from Grayslake to Northbrook costs me an entire weeks pay. However I think this could wait.

Sushi Date!

Back to the weekend.. Friday night the boyfriend and I had a cute little date night at a local sushi place. It’s kind of been our go to sushi since the place we go to (Dragon Fly) is in the city. This place didn’t get good reviews at all which him and I were both surprised about. We have our two rolls (Nikko and Crunchy Flower) that we will always get but this time tried 2 new ones. They weren’t bad but they were huge and pretty much fell apart before I could get it into my mouth which pissed me off (no joke… literally pissed me off. I feel I need anger management sometime. No lie.. It’s not that I like to get angry it just happens.. It like builds up over NOTHING. INSTANTLY!!!! Or maybe I am just bi polar. However.. later on I need to go talk to someone. I don’t need medicine nor do I want it. I just want answers.. or a better understanding of why the FUCK my mind works the way it does). We left the restaurant and had intentions of going to Mavericks which is a country bar about 15 minutes away with some of my friends. We ended up just going back to my place because my boyfriend wasn’t feeling well. He had to be up early anyways so it was okay. Besides.. I love just spending alone time with him so I didn’t mind.

Marley was a good girl at the vet so she got a treat 🙂

Woke up early and had to take Marley to the vet for her annual check up and rabies shot. She got her nails trimmed too because they were so long. I excused myself from the room because last time she did that she cried and looked at me with such sadness that I felt horrible. However listening to her from even outside the room wasn’t that better 😦 But as soon as I walked back in her tail was wagging and she seemed to be doing just fine. $200 later.. back to being broke till Tuesday. I was surprised that I had that little in my bank account but it is what it is.

Breakfast!

I made breakfast and a couple hours later went to the gym. Still doing full body work outs and 30 minutes cardio. Afterwards made myself a protein shake (been LOVING them lately. Have actually been using greek yogurt instead of protein powder. 1. because I’m broke.. mhmmm it’s like $35 and 2. because it’s actually pretty convenient and none of that added bullshit. It has 18g of protein and 7g of carbs). I fell asleep for about 2 hours and then cleaned my room like a mad man. Still need to go thru my clothes because I am convinced I am a hoarder when it comes to that. I hate throwing away clothes thinking I MIGHT want to wear it one day. Ol well. I also put some of my (ex boyfriends gifts) crap on ebay. The new app makes it SO easy. Check it out if you want anything Coach (hand bags and shoes), I also have 2 watches up for sale (shititsmar). Took it easy the rest of the night and passed out pretty early.

The boyfriend didn’t get home till about 2:30am from a project he was trying to finish up in a couple hours.. that didn’t go as planned. So I woke him up around 12 figuring we would get together shortly after. He called and said he needed to go back so that was a bummer. It was my rest day and I had all this time on my hands haha. I cleaned up a bit more and decided to get to the gym even though I could of taken the day off. I cooked up some pancakes (threw PB and Jelly on them) and ate that for my post work out. I made these before (up in Wisco when I decided not to go out fishing), and it was AMAZING. It tasted better when it was actual pancake mix but you cant hate on PB&J regardless. My boyfriend was upset I made it without him but I promise I will (were going back next weekend so I GOTTCHU).

My favorite flavor. Bananas Strawberries and Coconut!

This time I did the back ext machine, and some ab work outs and finished with 20 minutes on the stair master and 40 minutes on the treadmill. Made another protein shake and waited for the boy to arrive. We ended up going to Applebee’s (I was in the mood for a salad) but ended up getting steak and potatoes.. another fave of mine. I did eat a pretzel stick and a bite of a brownie but kept it really clean. I have been snacking thru out the weekend (had some chocolate.. thank my period for that one.. I kid.. I just used that as an excuse and a 200 calorie serving of pizza). I have been super good this week though. I really want to put my all into this.

My food from Applebee’s! Yum.

My 200 calorie serving of pizza.

I don’t know if I am going to take a full day off of working out this week because I will be up in Wisconsin this weekend. That means no gym.. however I swear the hike up to “spot” is a work out in itself. The only thing I am worried about is the drinking. I want to drink one night (as a “cheat”) and keep it clean the rest. We go grocery shopping so I am in control of that. I really don’t think we eat that bad (we grill a lot) but I am looking forward to a place we found not to far from the house. It has everything you could ever want to eat and is just awesome. Besides that I think its going to be a fine weekend. Nothing too extravagant, which I prefer.

Keeping my cardio to 30 minutes still, but will be splitting up body parts (ie back, shoulders ext each having their own day) this week. I will still have 1 cheat meal and won’t be taking anything out just yet. I have to stay on top of the time and how long I really do have to prepare for this show. Eventually my fruit will go, my carbs will lessen, and my salt intake will drastically decrease. You would think this would upset someone, however I am super excited for the changes!

Friday 5/83

So work out wise everything has been going great. I have been getting in the gym consistently whether Ive been tired or not. I have only been doing 30 minutes of cardio no matter if I want t o go longer or not. Again I need to remember that I have 2 and 1/2 months left and can’t lose sight of that. I don’t want to get too lean and have it become a problem later (I lost my ass last show). I just need to focus and be patient.

As far as food goes, I have also been doing well. It’s basically brown rice, oatmeal and whole wheat pastas and breads for my carbohydrates. Chicken, red meat, greek yogurt and ground turkey for protein sources, and almonds and pb for fat sources. I also enjoy fruit at the moment. Fruit is high in sugar (again, sugar is sugar) so I can enjoy it now but later on I will need to cut it completely. I haven’t really been craving anything but if my sweet tooth says hello I take a bite or two of what I want. Like last night, I ate a Hershey kiss. Just one but it made me smile 🙂 The trick to eating right, is knowing the right things to eat BUT also enjoying life for what it is. I don’t want to feel guilty anymore when it comes to food.. It really is just embarrassing to me. The key is moderation. I am sure you have heard it all before but its the truth.

Dinner with the boyfriend and the little beggar named Marley..

This is my go to meal. Brown rice chicken and broccoli. I marinate the chicken in this dressing and it’s heaven on earth.

Out side of working out, I have been struggling a little bit. I broke down yesterday (Thursday) at work because of a comment my boss made. Let it be known that I have been working here for 2 years, baby sit my bosses kids, and at his beck and call since the day I started here. Now I don’t expect royal treatment or anything of that sort, but I don’t think I deserve to be treated like this.

I am the only girl in a body shop full of men. Hmm.. recipe for disaster? Probably.. however I am a strong(er) female and can take most of what is thrown at me.. but when it boils down to it.. I just want to be respected. I have been called dumb numerous times.. retarded even. It just hurts. No one else is treated like this here at work when it comes to his employees so I often find myself wondering why..

Now.. did you catch that? I said when it comes to his employees.. when it comes to outside workers.. now that’s a different story. Numerous times I have to apologize for his behavior. I have had numerous people ask me why hes like this, why he treats people like this and I have no answer. None of which that would suffice. I am embarrassed by the way he treats people. I have no idea why someone would want to act like this.. it baffles me. He is just rude. I know he is going through a big divorce but that doesn’t mean you can disrespect people.. make them feel like shit. I don’t know if its the silver spoon he was fed with when he was younger, or the fact that he has quite a few bucks in the bank.. regardless. still no need for the amount of disrespect in that mans body.

I hope one day he realizes the amount of pain he has caused people whether he wants to believe it or not.

I have beaten myself up over this, cried numerous times but as I stand today I wont let him get the best of me. I am going to go about my day, ignoring the belittling comments and finally take the time to find a job where the people actually give a fuck. At this point I don’t care what the fuck I do for a job, I just can’t be here anymore. He doesn’t deserve it. Doesn’t deserve much really but that’s not up to me. I do have to be thankful though, if it wasn’t for AW I wouldn’t have met the love of my life (something he will never know.  Someone that mean.. that rude and disrespectful ignorant and verbally abusive to just about any and everyone will never know how to love and care for someone. He just doesn’t have it in him and I feel bad. I feel bad for you Ron. I don’t know where this all stemmed from but I really think you need a reality check).

You do know you can’t take your money to hell right?

Tuesday 2/83

So yesterday was better than Monday. Every day becomes a little easier but that’s not saying much. Cravings are always a killer especially because I am currently quitting smoking (fml to say the least). They usually say that when you quit smoking you usually gain weight so I am making sure that I have healthy options by my side at all times (cuttie oranges – remember seeing 3 in yesterdays post? lol.. yep got 3 for today too! Also have 2 100 calorie packs of almonds handy as well). Gum will also come in handy once in a while but so far it hasn’t been THAT hard ( I am also smoking 1-4 cigs a day, by the end of the week I’ll quit 100%) so well see in a week how I am doing.

Food for today:
3 cutties
2 100 calorie packs of almonds
1 apple pie quest bar
1 huge serving of chicken broccoli and brown rice.

That is all I have for the hours of 9-5 (work hours). I will have a small serving of ww pasta and ground turkey for a pre work out and finish the rest for my post work out meal.. WAIT!!! Scratch that! My boyfriend is coming over for dinner. I went last night after my work out to the store for a few things. Steak, Asparagus, and potatoes for us. Brown Rice, Chicken, and Greek Yogurt for a few meals for myself. I marinated the steaks already while I prepped a few meals for the rest of the week. I basically eat the same things, day in and day out mostly because I enjoy them so why change it up?

My favorite meal!

My 2 go to meals are chicken, brown rice and broccoli (the chicken is marinated in a natural caesar like dressing and its to die for. Yes I will have to give this up later down the road but I can enjoy it now), and whole wheat pasta with ground turkey. Easy to make and prepare and they are SO tasty! So after my work out I will snack on something small (we usually don’t eat till late so I don’t want to go starving while I wait for him to arrive and the food cooks. Besides, POST WORK OUT MEALS ARE A MUST!!!!! Don’t starve, never starve!!!! Eating more (good foods) is actually better than starving.. hmm who would of thought?

Chicken Stir Fry with Aminos

Regarding to working out, I have been doing full body work outs and will continue to do so till the end of the week (or possibly the week after that). I don’t know why I am doing this but for some reason it is working out well and I am enjoying doing so. I started last nights work out with 60 squats. Light weight but remember I haven’t been to the gym in 2 weeks!!!!! :0!!!! 😦

I broke it down to 6 sets, 10 reps each. I did normal, wide and closed legged squats 20 each. I then moved on to the chest press, lateral raises, and finished with back exts. Moved upstairs and did 30 minutes of inclined treadmill. Could of definitely of done more but I don’t want to rush this process as impatient as I am. I have 80 something days to go. I have to be smart.

So like I mentioned earlier, I went to Jewel right after my work out because its on the way home. I forgot that I was going and didn’t take anything with me to eat after wards…….so… I shopped around a bit and made my way to the health isle and ate a protein bar. Don’t worry I paid for it. Headed home, prepped my food and by that time it was 11pm. I got in bed and chit chatted with the lovely boyfriend for a while. Put my phone down around 1215-1230 and realized this morning that I need to go to bed earlier.

Chocolate Covered Katie

Leaving y’all with this recipe from Chocolate Covered Katie. It is oatmeal cupcakes. I haven’t been eating oatmeal lately because I haven’t been enjoying it. Stumbled upon this email with the recipe and thought how convenient. Hopefully they come out yummy and I can use them as snacks mid morning.

Oatmeal Cupcakes To Go

(makes 24-25 cupcakes)

Adapted from: Cookie Dough Baked Oatmeal.

• 5 cups rolled oats (400g)
• 2 1/2 cups over-ripe mashed banana, measured after mashing (For all substitution notes on this recipe, see nutrition link below.) (600g)
• 1 tsp salt
• 5 NuNaturals stevia packets (or omit and use 5 tbsp of any liquid sweetener instead)
• optional: 2/3 cup mini chocolate chips
• 2 2/3 cups water (640g) (If using the liquid-sweetener option, scale water back to 1 1/3 cups)
• 1/4 cup plus 1 tbsp oil (45g) (I really like coconut, but veg oil will also work. For lower-fat substitution notes, see nutrition link below.)
• 2 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
• optional add-ins: cinnamon, shredded coconut, chopped walnuts, ground flax or wheat germ, raisins or other dried fruit, etc.

Preheat oven to 380 F, and line 24-25 cupcake tins. In a large mixing bowl, combine all dry ingredients and stir very well. In a separate bowl, combine and stir all wet ingredients (including banana). Mix wet into dry, then pour into the cupcake liners and bake 21 minutes. I also like to then broil for 1-2 minutes, but it’s optional. These oatmeal cakes can be eaten right away, or they can be frozen and reheated for an instant breakfast on a busy day.

Monday 1/83

So yesterday marked the first day of my contest prep, and let me tell you I was a little disappointed.

Slept at the boyfriends on Sunday so it gave me almost an entire hour of extra sleep (I live far from work), so that was nice. Ultimately went about my day as usual as any other. I didn’t eat as much as I would of liked (for some reason my appetite hasn’t been “normal” lately. Going on 2 weeks of being sick), but was still able to consume enough calories to work out.

3 cuttie oranges (idc about fruit sugar this early in prep)
1/2 quest bar
2 chicken breasts with broccoli
1 piece of WW bread with PB
1/2-1c cottage cheese

I got home around 6 and relaxed a bit for an hour and 1/2. Well.. before I got dressed to head out my boyfriend called and said he was going to a bar. Then my friend “forgot” to call me back (when all I wanted to do was just talk to her. I get in weird moods and we play phone tag sometimes but for some reason I just wanted someone to talk to). Checks in @ Xsport with her friend, then at Buffalo Wild Wings with another and apologizes she didn’t call. Well for some reason all this kind of irked me.

Regardless, I headed to the gym and arrived around 7:45pm. I started doing my thing and I could feel my emotions arise. This wasn’t good, but I wasn’t stopping. Instead I started getting more pissed. Pissed at the situations, then pissed at myself for not pushing thru. Well I “gave up” around 8:10.. I just threw in the towel. I walked my sorry ass upstairs to the cardio section and hopped on the treadmill. I finished 45 minutes but that was the end of that work out.

I headed home, ate my meal and got in bed in time for the new Catfish show around 10pm. I was disappointed but at least got something in, even if it wasn’t how I expected my first work out back in 2 weeks.

Laying in bed creeping facebook and instagram, my boyfriend tried calling a couple times, as did Ashley. I ignored both and just wanted to be “alone”. I ended up calling my boyfriend back (and texting Ashley), because as much as I was in my own world I love him dearly. We talked a bit and he wanted me to talk things out with him but the last thing I wanted to do was go back to the reasons I was upset.

That lasted shortly. Something else came up that sparked my insecurities and I just balled. He then continued to tell me how much he loves and adores me but the tears kept falling.

Listen, me telling you I am insecure as fuck doesn’t even scratch the surface. Yes, he has done some things that haven’t made it easy but most of those things wouldn’t of been a problem had I been secure. I just cried. I told him I don’t know if things are going to change, if I am going to change but I know I can’t live like this. It hurts so much, and again… doing this to myself.

HE LOVES ME. SO WHAT THE FUCK IS THE PROBLEM!??!?!??!?!?! I have never been with someone like him, someone who doesn’t mind reminding me why they love me or how much they love me. When it all comes down to it, it’s me.

..and I don’t know what to do, or if there is anything I can do. Will I be like this forever? All I know is that I love this man so much. So much that any attention he puts out to another human, I am envious of. It’s sick and I am embarrassed.

Clean eating. Couldn’t of wrote it better myself. Happy Monday y’all! Lets do this!

Muffin Topless

What is “Clean Eating”?

Clean eating is simply eating foods as close to their natural state as possible. Foods that are highly processed or contain highly processed ingredients are not considered “clean” foods. There are certain aspects of “clean eating” that vary from person to person, however that is the basic explanation of it!

The following foods are typically not considered “clean”: cookies, chips, crackers, candy, white breads and pastas, sugary cereal, fast food, frozen dinners and most packaged goods.

For those interested in switching to a healthy, clean-eating lifestyle, here are a few tips:

• Start making your own meals from wholesome lean proteins, veggies, fruit and healthy fats. Basically, eat as close to natural as possible!
• See my grocery list for an example of clean foods!
• Remember healthy food does not have to be expensive. Check out my tips for shopping on a budget if this is a concern!

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