I’ve seen better days.

Of course, its been 3 days since I last posted. Things have been hectic to say the least. Waking up at 4am the past few days and working till 9pm for a company that doesn’t deserve my time, is stressful. That being said, I am actively working towards my own business. No more just saying, but doing. Nerve racking like once said previously, but defiantly motivating in a way.

Other than work, my work outs have been solid and I am currently still doing fantastic on my 4 week no cheat challenge. I am seeing progress and I couldn’t be happier. Yes, I could be a lot leaner but I am keeping my strength which is huge for me. I still don;t know whether or not I want to compete in Nov, but I am definitely going to keep training and eating like I am. I think the only thing that will stop me is the money. It is NOT cheap to compete. It is also very time-consuming and at this very moment I have my college’s homepage up on another tab, hoping to get in some classes. I always have such a positive outlook on things and then instantly I am discouraged. I am hoping I can get my shit together and keep trucking through.

My progress picture.

My work out partner, looking fly.

I haven’t been writing down or keeping track of what I have been eating. Hopefully, after downloading the My Fitness Pal app, that it will encourage me to do so. It will be interesting and helpful, so why not? Today, however, I ate:

1/2 c oatmeal with blueberries at 4:30am.Mixed in 1/2 Quest Bar at 4:45am.
6 egg whites at 8am.
1/2 c brown rice, broccoli and 6 oz chicken at 12pm.
4 egg whites, a little chicken at 2:30pm.
2 kashi waffles with a few blueberries at 3:00pm.
1/2c greek yogurt at 5:00pm.
6oz chicken and broccoli at 8pm.

More oatmeal. Jeez, you would think I actually like this shit.

and so far that is it 🙂 I wonder how much this all adds up to. The app is currently downloading so we shall see. Still sticking around 150lbs. Haven’t lost or gained a pound. I don’t know if I am happy or sad about this. LOL. BUTTT I do have 16 weeks till the show and that is a LONG time. I haven’t been doing cardio, nor paid attention to my calorie intake which is important. I guess I’m just in no rush.

Poor Bunny 😦

Other than work and working out, which has been my whole life the last 3-5 months, my personal life is just okay. Besides having a cat constantly killing baby bunnies (not kidding. I rushed one to the hospital so it could be put out of its misery), I am having issues with the boyfriend, mostly because of the lack of trust. Though, I am going to stay strong and positive even if it kills me. I just wish life was easier. I deal with scumbags all day and I can only imagine what goes on when I;m not there. It’s a hard pill to swallow and I keep wanting to throw it back up. I mean, one day I am all fine an awesome girlfriend, the next I want to break up with him. I just think it would be easier, for both of us. I mean.. it’s not fair (what is?) to either of us. Me not being happy because I can’t get over shit that replays in my head over and over, and for him.. how I treat him and want to break up with him all the time. I hate to put my bullshit out in the air like this ,but it is what it is. I am venting and little do you know, that my personal life affects my work/working out life. It is a constant struggle and each and every emotion I feel, does not get ignored (unfortunately). That is all. If you don’t like it, no one told you to read it.

I just want a happy life with you. Only you. Forever. I know we have a lot to work on, but I WANT to work on it with you. I want a future with you. I love you. I was never like this before, and maybe it’s because I’ve never loved this hard before. But what I do know, is that I want you by my side through THICK and THIN. I promise to make you happy. I promise to never do you wrong. I am yours.

What really matters, is to live.

I feel like I haven’t written in forever, and now don’t know where to begin.

My head is all confused.
I am starting to feel like I am at one of those low points in my life. You know, where everything seems to always go wrong. Like I have no control. I don’t know. But I sure as hell don’t want to keep typing hoping to find the answer. I just need to focus.
On myself.
My life, my job, my training.
My sanity.

I don’t have a very interesting life at the moment, due to training clients and myself majority of the day. Though you would still figure I had more time on my hands than I actually do. Maybe I am sick of the same schedule, same shit everyday. I know I want more, but honestly don’t think I am ready for it. I am starting to get more motivated about branching out my own business but still very intimidating of the idea because I would be going into it blindly. That’s nerve-racking.  Though living pay check to pay check is too, I am still paying bills. Going about what I want to do, could bring in no money at one point. That, I don’t think I am ready for. I’m already living a stressful life, I don’t need bill collectors harassing me, or whats left of my savings to disappear. I just don’t feel safe. Maybe that’s what I need though, not to feel safe. To fight.

To fight for my life.

Well. That’s enough. I am already stressing about writing this blog. I think that’s why I don’t write as often. Okay, never mind. We all know it’s because I am just a boring lifter wanting more out of every F * * * ING thing possible! Greedy.

and selfish. That’s what I have come to the conclusion about myself. No, those aren’t the only characteristics, but those are the negative ones I yearn to change. It’s hard. Because what else is there to do then constantly think of your surroundings thoughts, feelings emotions, needs and wants?

As much as I give, I feel like my hand is always out expecting something. But in the end, I know I am a good person and will do anything for the people closest to me but even the people I know nothing about. Though, doesn’t change the way I feel, like this life is all about me.  I need to grow and continue to grow into something beautiful. I want to change my behaviors and actions. I want to be SELFLESS. True, wholesome and giving. I hate the way I think sometimes. I hate the way I am sometimes.

But flashback to my previous posts, I am the one in charge of everything I want to rid of. So what does that say about me that all I do is whine bitch and moan and hope that one day things are different?
Nothing. It says nothing good about who I am.

But to any and everyone that it matters to, know that I am trying. Is it all that I can do? Maybe not. But I am going to try harder.
..and keep trying.

Okay, someone people stop me. Lets change directions, shall we?

Met with an old friend the other night (friday). It was nice to catch up. We went out to eat and chit chatted for a bit. I am still doing my 4 week no cheat, so I ordered a steak with sweet potato fries and broccoli. My steak was ordered medium rare. Twice, it was not. No big deal, I was hungry. I ate it. Medium well and all.

Left shortly after, and it takes me an hour to get home. In which, I live 15 minutes away. Damn you wrong turn!

The next morning, I woke up around 7:25am and needed to be out the door around 7:30am. I had a client at 8 and a spin class shortly after. That day, I believe I ate 2 quest bars, an isopure drink, 2 bananas, a greek yogurt, some kashi cereal, and chicken for days. I napped around 5:30pm and got ready to head to the boyfriend’s house. It was a couple of his buddies birthday’s, so we were going to go out for a bit. Why I didn’t think I needed to bring food with me, is beside me. I had 1/2 a quest bar and some freeze-dried fruit in my bag (that I only found once I was rummaging through my bag hoping to find food). Though, we stopped at noodles and co for a quick bite to eat. I was thinking that all I could get was a salad (but I am a picky salad person) but noticed the options and they were pretty healthy! I ended up ordering a small order of whole grain pasta with veggies and added chicken. Roughly 450 calories (without the chicken). We ended up staying at his buddies house, while more people showed up. At this point, it was around 10:30-11pm and the boring person I am, was already tired. A couple of girls came over to me and started asking about macros (calories, protein, fats) and about my work out regimen and what I do basically. It was a long conversation that turned into people planking, my boyfriend showing me his squat, to the girls and I complaining about how we needed food. I mean.. I would have had 2-3 meals by the time we ended up leaving I knew I had a Quest bar in the car, but too be honest.. I didn’t go get it because I didn’t want to share it… 😛 (SEE, greedy as f u c k). BUTTTTTTTTT the hunger pains grew to painful to bare so the boyfriend got it and warmed it up by the fire for me. Little did he know, it was cute gesture and all BUT I JUST WANTED TO SCARF IT DOWN! haha..

Noodles and Co FTW!

How sweet. Warming my brownie quest bar for me..

The boys, however, wanted pizza though. Imagine that. But the girls didn’t. Which I was pleased about but made sure that I would leave before that happened. Instead, he talked about going to maxwell street to get burgers and was I NOT having that nonsense. Though it is a little challenging when its 1am and you’re hungry. BUT! NOT IMPOSSIBLE! Yes, you don’t know what they add or sneak into their food to make it better, it is what it is. All you can do is ask and hope they honor it. We ended up stopping at ihop. I knew that I could at least get meat (HA!) and can’t go wrong there.

We ended up talking for a bit. Things aren’t going so well. This goes back to the beginning of this post as well, but that’s not appropriate talk right now. The only reason I mentioned it was because when our food came, no matter how hungry I was, we didn’t eat it for at least 8 minutes UGH!) ON TOP OF HIM TAKING UP PRECIOUS TIME NOT KNOWING WHAT HE WANTED TO EAT!!!! The lady came back twice before we actually ordered. Oh my lanta.

Any who, this is what I ate:

3 eggs scrambled, 2 pieces bacon and sausage with sirloin tips with onions. Yup. For being ihop, wasn’t that bad.

Headed home, slept till 10am and now I am here. Got home around 11:30am, after stopping and vacuuming my car. I ate a banana on the ride home but made a big bowl of oatmeal when I got in.

#addicted.

1/2c oatmeal
1 TBS flaxseed.
3 strawberries, cut.
A small handful blueberries.
A small handful Kashi go lean crunch cereal.
A sprinkle of honey on top.

Have yet to count the macros in the oatmeal (again, proteins fat and carbs), but will get around to it in a bit. Speaking about that, I got off the phone with a client yesterday and how it would be helpful if I had a list of recipes and ingredients that people could eat that would make healthy eating easier. I think I am going to get around to that. I think it would help people, help themselves.

The only thing is that its time-consuming but I think if I break it up a bit, I could get it done relatively easily. I just hope that through all this, people stop over thinking things and start relearning new habits. I mean, you know fast food isnt food for you, so why eat it? Make it at home and save HUNDREDS OF CALORIES!!!! That’s all you need to do. Find foods that you love, and MAKE THEM HEALTHY!

😦

I don’t know. I hate coming off rude but I feel people either don’t want to change, or completely disregard my time spent with them trying to help them. That’s all. I am just trying to help. All I wish is that people are considerate of not only me and my time, but themselves. We need to work together and make things happen, or all we are going to do is fall short to the things that are slowly killing us.  Yes, we all die but why not love the life you live right now? No more hating yourself. No more feeling guilty. Just live life as healthy as we can and enjoy it. Being fit and healthy has a way of opening eyes to new and beautiful things.

I promise.

Spending the rest of the day cleaning and organizing. No work out today besides active resting (stretching, random push ups and lunges and a possible walk around the FP with the pup) and prepping food for the week. Tomorrow will be more of a helpful post, not a helpless one.

Tearing $%#@ UP!

Alright, I am obviously not going to be able to write everyday on this thing. Mostly because I am always tired, but more so because my life isn’t that interesting.

C doing her second set of squats. SQUEEZING her glutes!

Any who, yesterday I had a kick ass leg work out. I worked out with H and C and tore shit up (at the end.. I thought I tore shit, literally). We started with squats. It went a little like this:

15 warm up squats with just the bar
30 x 95lbs
20 x 135lbs
10 x 165lbs
20 x 135lbs
30 x 95lbs

Each set, we super setted with dead lifts (around 15-20 reps) @ 60lbs. The last 2 sets with 80lbs.

This took an hour and I thought I was going to cry. I was going to tap out, but decided to finish with some leg presses. I did 2 sets of 60 reps with 140lbs. However, I had to take a break in between rep 25 lol. Now.. After THIS I thought I was game over but the dude that came half way in between our squatting session, and I made a unanimous decision we were no longer doing compound exercises. So we opted for leg curl and calf raise. I did ONE set of each and couldn’t physically do anymore. I walked, like a new-born calf, to our pt corner and immediately rolled out my legs using a foam roller. I was going to cry. It felt like I had torn my hamstrings and I was NOT liking this feeling. A few minutes into rolling, I felt fine. I think this helped tremendously and will be more consistent with that little devil.

Post leg day, went to hipotle.

Double steak FTW!

Today, I was fine. I got up and trained from 6-8:30am and wasnt as sore as I thought I would be (tomorrow might be a different story). I had a quest bar on the way to work around 5:45am, and when I came home ate a huge bowl of oatmeal. I usually don’t like oatmeal, but I have been putting tons of fruit in it to make it.. actually quite good.

Here, I have strawberries, blueberries and a handful of kashi go lean crunch cereal. This is my second day in a row having oatmeal. Imagine that.

Afterwards, I took a nap and decided to skip my upper body work out. I needed rest. My body is taking a beating and regardless of how lean I want to look, I (and YOU) NEED to listen you your body. When its hungry, hurting, tired. LISTEN TO IT!!!!! I slept till around 11am, and got up to eat some brown rice, broccoli and chicken.

Around 1pm, I took Marley to the park and did a little work out. In around 35 minutes of doing, bench jumps (like box jumps, just.. well on a bench), push ups, lunges and single leg squats, I burned 185 calories (40% from fat).

3:30pm – 8pm Trained clients.

In between, I had 1/2c greek yogurt with a handful of blueberries and a plain chicken breast with mustard. HA!

8:30pm Did some cardio. 8.0 incline (on the treadmill because the stairmaster was taken by 3 people who clearly didn’t care much about getting a decent work out in) and a speed of 2.8-3.0. I then left the incline and sprinted for about 30-40 seconds. Dropped the incline to 0 and the speed to 1.0 and did walking lunges (20). Did this 4 times. I then did some ab work and burned in that 40 minutes 241 calories (35% from fat).

Came home and ate some cottage cheese. Saving some calories for a grill session with the boy in an hour or so.

That was my crazy life! Tomorrow I will train upper body. I really want to bench because I haven’t done it in a while but H wont be there. Leaving my back alone for a bit so I will focus on chest and tris. Always want to take my measurements tomorrow. I think I lost my originals so I am not happy but it is what it is. Hopefully I still have my first pictures so that will at least show some progress.

Buttttt I have been thinking that even though I am week 2 of my 4 week no cheat, I want to put in more work. I still have more than 3 months till this bikini comp (that I am training for) but I feel like I am not losing weight. Now, I tell all my clients not to worry about the scale instead focus on clothes fitting, how you feel and look in the mirror but your progress during your work out sessions. So why should I not take my own advice? I just feel like I am comparing myself too much to other girls (C to be exact) that I am not focusing on myself. I am still eating around 2000 calories (A LOT of room for changes) but I feel my mind is pushing me in two different directions. Like, get lean! and the other side is, be patient- focus on lifting! Shoot! One day at a time.. One DAY AT A T I M E!

ONE
DAY
AT
A
TIME.

Repeat over and over and over again. I need to focus one day at a time.

Eat, pray, lift!

Going to be short and sweet today!

Got home around 11pm last night from watching The Conjuring (don’t see btw) and ate a quest bar before bed (besides all the carrots I ate at the movies, LOL)! I was still hungry and lazy, don’t judge!

– 1 whole wheat wrap
– 4 whole eggs
– 3 slices turkey bacon
– some cheddar cheese

Woke up around 5am, got out of bed around 530am. Ate another quest bar on the way to work and trained 4 people. Ate a banana on the way home and slept till around 11am when the boy had to leave. I got up and made breakfast but knowing what time it was already, I really didn’t think I would make a work out around 12 because I still had to cook food for the day, so I slept some more. Which including me dreaming about cinnamon toast crunch.

I love sleep.

Got up around 2:30pm and made my food for the day. It was a short day, so all I made was chicken, broccoli and got a container of cottage cheese ready. I ate a whole wheat pita with 1/2 PB in the process.

3:30pm I left for work.4-8:30pm Had clients straight through. Except a cancellation at 5:30, so I went to GNC to buy……..Quest Bars. You guessed it!

9pm Got home and talked with the madre for a bit then around 10pm I did an at home work out:

10 25lb Kettlebell Swings
10 25lb Single Arm Shoulder Press’
10 12lb Lateral Raises
10 25lb Single Arm Upright Rows
10 Body Weight Walk Outs

5x about 60 sec rest in between.Burning just under 200 calories in 23 minutes.

Wasn’t a bad work out. I couldn’t think of missing another work out even if it wasn’t as long as I normally would train, it was still something! Walked downstairs to hydrate while my mom was asking wtf I was doing. “Working out mom!” Her- how many times do you work out? LOL well.. that’s a good sign, if I do say so myself!

Here is a current progress picture I took post the shoulder work out today:

Definitely working hard on my arms. Training them differently than I ever have and I think I’m making a difference! Def my weakest part of my body but I am one determined girl!

Overall a pretty good day. Short, but hey! Sometimes it’s not always a bad thing (except when I get my paycheck). Tomorrow my day starts around 10am with (I know what will beeee) an amazing LEG work out, starting around noon!

Wish me LUCK!!

Sunday Funday (how original)!

So, nothing exciting happening today. Had the day off, which was fantastic not having any alarms to wake up to. However, woke up around 9:30am anyways.

First meal was around 10:30am.

I randomly threw things into a blender. Coconut flour, oatmeal, 3 eggs, and some cottage cheese and blended. I then made pancakes and added blueberries while they were still in the pan. They weren’t bad but I didn’t have anymore sugar free syrup so I had to use honey. I have come to the conclusion that I hate honey. Also topped it with organic cane sugar and strawberries so it was some what digestible.

Around 12pm, my mom wanted to go for a 3 mile walk around the forest preserve so I had 4 slices of turkey bacon. We got to the FP and Marley was already panting. No more than an 1/8th of a mile in, Marley sat down. That wasn’t a good sign. We started to pour water on her because she didn’t want to drink it but it didn’t make a difference. I decided to let my mom go ahead while I waited at the 1/2 way point so I didn’t at least ruin her work out. She was taking a little longer than I thought so I figured I would continue to walk the way home was so it made it easier for everyone. Not long after, Marley gave up again. This time, WOULDNT BUDGE! So… I stayed there for a couple of minutes doing jump squats and regular body weight squats till I was like what the fuck. So… what does one do? I picked my 50+lb pit up and continued to walk. Holy moly bicep burn! I put her down maybe 1/4 mile in. She seemed to have gained a little energy and continued to walk with me. I was just hoping my mother was around the corner any minute. However, she was not. So.. I kept walking. Once Marley stopped again, I picked her up again. This happened 3 times. I was almost home when the mother pulled up. Apparently she stopped to go pee. No big deal. Just carrying my dog in 80+ weather.

Got home (checked my watch and burned 450 calories) and ate some whole wheat pasta and ground turkey and waited about 45 minutes before I headed to the gym. Did a back work out because last night was a lame excuse for one. Started with pull ups and tried knocking those out before my energy left. Did 5 this time! Which is still 15 short of my goal but before I could only do 3!! Did some rows, lat pull down and ended with a few minutes of the row machine (burned 400 calories).

Got home and ate pasta again (just wanted to get rid of it) and chilled for an hour or two while I did some core work. All I really did today was work out and cleaned my room finally. Waiting for the boo thing to come over so we can go to the movies. Where… I will be forced to smell popcorn while I eat carrots or some shit. Probably going to bring a quest bar so I can some what be happy. We are going to see a scary movie so I am super excited about this. LOL. Boyfriend doesn’t like scary movies so him comprising with me makes me happy. I will treat myself with a diet coke though. Really wanting to ditch that bad habit though. It does help with my acid reflux sometimes ironically. But.. we shall see.

Core work in progress.Sun

Waking up pretty early tomorrow, so I will pack my meals tonight after the movie. Maybe have my mom cook my chicken because I suck at it and to save me some time.

So.. nothing interesting today. Just figured I would share how bad ass my life is so I don’t feel horrible when I get to busy to update it later. Because we all know I suck at keeping up with this. Still not interesting and I am well aware. I’M WORKING ON IT!

The life of a Fitness Freak!

Finally.. a night where no alarms are set and NO obligations tomorrow. So what better to do on a Friday night at 9:53pm than to blog? Well not only do I have nothing to do (nor do I want to do anything) but I took a nap around 6:30 for about an hour and half. Not too smart of an idea because I have a feeling I will be up quite late No worries. I will be in bed all night. That, or on the floor doing burpees, planks, pushups and sit ups ;D

Not kidding either.

I worked from 8am to around 2:30. My longest Saturday since working at the gym. Most people don’t like working out on the weekends which is weird. Not weird I guess, just different from my last experience at a gym. I don’t mind though. Usually it means I get the whole weekend off. I pretty much worked straight through, client after client. But scheduled around a 9am spin class. It was nice. I left about 10 minutes early to make sure I had enough time to change and to eat my post work out meal.

Tuna, sweet potatoes and a banana. Yum (or not).

I had 2 cancellations at the end which were a bummer. Mostly because it wasted an hour of which I could have saved a little more energy to get a work out in. Instead I waited around. Spent a little more time with a previous client, then left shortly after. Being in the gym for as long as I am, I am getting use to (and loving) at home work outs. Again, mostly burpees, planks, push ups, tricep dips, other core work, body weight squats, and kettle bell (db swings). I have a few weights but nothing to extreme, so I am playing around with different rep schemes and tempos. I need to invest in more resistance bands and KB’s. I think this will also help me help clients when they are too busy to get in the gym. I had a client today say that he gets off track when he doesn’t work out. So knowing that, I HAVE A SOLUTION! NO MORE EXCUSES!!

So not much going on tonight. Since I didn’t get a work out in at the gym (besides the 50 minutes of spin class, aka cardio) and I have already taken 2 rest days this week, I got a little proactive. I went to the park and did some pull ups and rows then came home and did “lawnmowers” for a couple of sets. I want to get a picture, or at least a video, because my back is coming in real well. Even JP said something. I mentioned how I was 150lbs and he was like no way?! So I marched my happy ass over to the scale and 151 with my clothes and shoes on (also about 3 meals in and a ton of liquids. If you plan on weighing yourself I suggest doing it in the morning right when you wake up. Okay, after you go to the bathroom that is). I don’t mind being 150. Like you may know, I have suffered from many eating disorders. The scale was the enemy and would ruin my day if I was not under such and such pounds. Not anymore. I never weigh myself. Instead, I go by how I look and feel. The scale is meaningless to me. Anyways, so after I was done weighing myself, Jp commented on my back and how it looks great. Always a nice feeling to hear a compliment here and there 😉

So that is my Friday night. Just enjoying my bed and making sure I stick to my word and blog since I knew I wouldn’t yesterday.

We left for the track around 6:30pm. I finished with my client a little early and got home, changed and packed my lunch box. LOL. Ohhhh why you ask? Remember? 4 week no cheat for this little lady! I wonder if I can do it. Actually, I will do. Just to say that I can. Now.. This means no cheat meal. However, I stole a handful of popcorn yesterday and although no clean, I still don’t consider it a cheat. It’s little things like that, that will keep you sane. I promise you. You want something, have it. Because it will be a downward spiral if you don’t. Even today, my last client and I were talking. He gained 25lbs since really staying consistent with me. I weighed and did his body fat and surprisely only about 50% was from fat, the other muscle. Which made him feel a little better. But we got to talking about how he would actually binge. Not many guys would admit that, but at least I could help him through it.

Anywhooooo..

Oh, just sitting in the car eating.

Since I am not having a cheat meal till my birthday, I knew that the track would be a little tease. I usually get a burger but.. not this time 😦 The boy actually wanted a funnel cake but I made him get a beer instead so I wasn’t tempted. LOL! He wasn’t happy with me. But.. it is what it is. I ended up packing 2 quest bars, carrots blueberries and strawberries. I should have packed a little more or at least ate more because I was STARVING. We had a good time. His friend ended up getting a spot in the hat races and made it all the way till the final round! So, we ended up there quite late. I didn’t mind… For once. We had a good time. I did get upset for a minute or two because I was in the car with another one of his friends girlfriends chilling in the A/C (LOL)  and a situation got brought up that I had dealt with the day before. I am trying this whole “trust” thing and all of a sudden this gets brought up again. I was instantly not happy. I almost don’t even want to go into detail because i don’t want to give them the satisfication of knowing it pisses me off. I handled the situation pretty well, I’d say. Usually I’d freak and blow up at them but figured that’s exactly what they wanted. So.. I am choosing to be the bigger person and to be honest, it feels good.

It was beautiful out. That, or a sick filter!

MMMM Camaro.

The last race was our boy and this corvette that seemed to be smoking the competition. They ended up talking before the final race and the guy wanted land. WHICH I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT BUT I KNEW WAS BULLSHIT. Our guy ended up losing but it was a close race. Honestly, a good time. We left around 11:30/12 and headed to Buffalo WIld Wings to grab some food because I was starving. I ended up getting a salad, but not before I ordered celery and carrots with our drinks (seriously, I was starving). The salad was pretty good. I was debating between a wrap and this, but decided I could do without the carbs (and the wrap doesn’t have much chicken). So I figured if I was going to consume the extra calories of the ranch dressing (on the side), I would rather skip the extra carbs and go with more protein. After we were done, we went home and passed out around 1:30/2am. About 4 hours before I had to be up. Maybe that’s why I am always tired. Ugh. But.. got up no problem and started my day.

BUFFALO WILD WINGS FTW!

Food for the day (Spaced throughout the day. Just didn’t track the time):
Quest bar on the way to work.
Tuna, some sweet potatoes, and a banana post spin class.
1/2 c WW pasta, 99% lean ground turkey and some organic pasta sauce 2 hours later.
Blueberries and carrots not too long after that.
Another serving of the pasta mentioned above.
1/2 (or a little more. Now that I get the big container of yogurt [cheaper], I have to measure it all out and that’s just a pain when you can get the convenience of the cups) with strawberries and blueberries.
1 Kind bar (dark chocolate, nuts and sea salt. MY FAVE).
1/4c sweet potatoes.
25 Almonds.
Oh, and some Gatorade during spin.

Now.. not too sure what I want to eat next. I haven’t had eggs in a while. Maybe I will eat that with some cottage cheese. Maybe this is why I am not losing weight lol. I am not really paying attention to my calorie intake and barely doing cardio (AND EATING TOO MANY ALMONDS!!!!!). I think this week has been the most cardio I have done. I know I did a 30 minute, a 15, and a 45 min session. Maybe do some more tomorrow but don’t want to do too much. I am still pretty far out from the show I am training for (yes, I said training for not necessarily doing lol). So I will take my time and enjoy the time I don’t have to do cardio because I have a feeling a lot more cardio is in my future

But.. you do what you gotta do to look good right? No real progress pictures today. Maybe I will tomorrow. I do still have a flat stomach (abs when flexing) this late at night which is a good sign. So we will see. Going to cook some food for my last meal and finish cleaning my room. Ohhhhh the exciting life I live.

;D

Inner peace and happiness is the true balance in life.

Well would you look at that? Second blog post in a row.. Actually I should delete that before I jinx myself again. HOWEVER!!!! Tomorrow I work from 3-6:30pm but going in around 12 to get a leg work out in. After that, I am going with the boy to the track till probably around midnight so no blog post tomorrow. I will update on Saturday though.

Today was short of a train wreck. The boy came over last night late so I pretty much said hello and passed out. Well, that is before I gave him my last strawberry shortcake skinny cow while I ate a handful of blueberries. I am telling you… I am going to STAY STRONG during these four weeks of no cheats. I do however, like today, had a kind bar which is keeping me sane. That, and Quest Bars. If you have never heard of them, I suggest you do yourself a favor and google that shit. They are by FAR amazing. I actually had a client today come over to my desk before a session while I was eating one and informed her about them. After our session, I ran up to the treadmills (Yup, doing cardio like a good client!!!), and gave her my last apple pie one. I didn’t mind. For some reason I am straight addicted to their brownie flavored ones. That is, till I try their new raspberry white chocolate one ;P

Anyways, side tracked like a mother.. So I woke up around 10am and went downstairs to eat something. I knew I was going to go back to bed for a bit and wanted to get something in me before I went hours with an empty stomach. I ate about 1/2c greek yogurt with more blueberries and made a piece of toast with PB on it for the boy and I. After a little while shit got nuts. I got crazy insecure and shit just escalated. I am just sick and tired of feeling how I feel lately. Things aren’t going well. Work is long and strenuous and I don’t get paid like I should. I am literally living paycheck to paycheck with no social life because I can’t afford it. Now I don’t mind per say because it usually affects training (going out for drinks or a movie.. I mean who can say no to a couple handfuls of butter with a side of popcorn?).. but the fact that I don’t even have a choice, is overwhelming. Outside of that, all I worry about is him and what he’s doing and who he’s talking too. Now I am one insecure bia and have always been but this.. this is just crazy. I WANT IT TO STOP! I want to stop feeling like this. I want to stop thinking the thoughts I think. All of it. I want to pretend nothing ever happened in our relationship for me to feel like this. No, I am not putting all the blame on him, but it has definitely altered the way I view our relationship now. Time and time again I say how I want to change and how I will and yadda ya but every week its the same shit. I have contemplated talking to someone but I don’t have the time. I am literally on call for my clients and don’t feel its the right thing to do at the very moment. I have seen someone before and have taken psych classes… so I know the road they are going to take. I just need to step back and take a look at the bigger picture. Yes, I can go back and claim daddy issues for this shit but it’s not about that. Yes, I have a fear of being abandoned (more so dumped and cheated on) but because it’s how the story has always ended up to be. Not even that, he has put doubt in my head and although its been a year, time doesn’t always heal as fast as you would like it too. And trust me, I WANT IT TOO! But I will not allow my “home” issues to affect anymore of my life than it already has. I am just lucky that I have not chosen food to cope with my issues. That is a HUGE step for me. Although I have lacked in work outs (second day this week without a full work out), I’d rather lack in work outs and rest than fill my body with mass quantities of bullshit for an instant satisfaction that will only bring days of complete and utter disappointed. I am just going to pray. That’s it. Oh, and lift!

Well, after a few spurts of tears later, he left and I got ready for work. I made up a few meals and ate 4 slices of turkey bacon before I headed out (looked at the ingredients.. Um no thanks).

3:15pm Got to work
3:30pm Trained K. He had a kick ass work out ;P
Had 1/2 Kind bar and 1/2 Quest bar
4:00pm Trained H (had a good convo with her in between her rests to catch her breath)
4:30-5:30pm Had a break because one of my clients cancelled.
5:30pm HM asked me if I wanted to train arms with C and him and I agreed but only had 30 minutes till my next apt.
Ate 1/2c brown rice with 99% FF ground turkey. Cold. Awesome. Not.
6:00-9pm More clients.
In between those clients I ate some more chicken. Also had some almonds and the rest of the kind and quest bar.

On my way home around 9:45pm I ate another 1/2c greek yogurt with.. you guessed it, blueberries. I stopped at jewel for a few items. I mean it was late, but chicken was on sale for $1.99 a pound. LOL

It is currently 11:42pm and I will have, most likely, more greek yogurt and……STRAWBERRIES??? haha.. maybe blueberries. I don’t care about eating fruit at night. I would rather that than a fantastic tasting chocolate bar. From now until 2-3 months, you will see fruit in my diet just about every meal of the day. Yes, it’s sugar but I stay active and until I need to cut, bring it on!

Okay okay.. so as the pictures were uploading I went downstairs and got some. Darn these blueberries!

Here, I have chicken, ground turkey (UGH! 99% FF is $2 more than 80/20 fml), greek yogurt, bananas, strawberries, blueberries (LOL) and carrots. I bought the carrots for the track tomorrow because all I will be doing is smelling burnt rubber and funnel stix (FML). SERIOUSLY HEAD STRONG! I can do this!!!!!

I would be by the PB aisle..

So after my little 20 minute arm work out, that was the most I did working out today. I was not feeling up to it. Besides, my whole body is sore. Although I do miss it, I did a little arm work out at home and took this progress picture of my shoulders again. I am so excited for the changes that are going to come.

Other than that, that sums up my day. Nothing TOO crazy might I add. Tomorrow should be exciting though. I am looking forward to this new positive attitude that I am trying out. I mean.. I am staying positive that I’ll be able to stay positive. Hmmm..

I can’t stay on top of this blog if my life depended on it..

It’s 10:06pm and I am tired as hell. I have 4 clients tomorrow starting at 6am, so that doesn’t make me a very happy girl. I love sleep and waking up at 4-5am does NOT get any easier with time… BUT I figured since I wrote last post how I have been on point with writing blogs, that the longer I go without writing the next one makes me look like an idiot. Guess I jinxed myself there lol. It’s really because once again, I have been super overwhelmed. I feel like I can never get ahead and oh would you look at that? I have yet to do anything about anything I am currently struggling with. I just don’t understand. It is like when I use to binge.. you like that? USE to.. Haven’t in forever and do NOT plan on going back to that life (then again, I have yet to compete again so who knows. However, wishful thinking). I KNOW binging would make matters worse, yet I would continue to do it. It;s like the same concept. I bitch about things in my life yet do nothing but bitch. I don’t know. All I do know is I need to get my head out of my ass.

I don’t know where I left off but I do know that I didn’t talk about my weekend which was actually super amazing. Saturday I met the wonderful Vevian (fitalicious_me) from instagram in chicago. I had my boyfriend drop me off and we went to a bar called Old Town Pour House I believe. It was definitely not the sit down and get to know someone type because I could barely hear her but long story short this chick is AMAZING! She started off in the instagram world as anyone normally would but things have skyrocketed for her and I could not be any happier. She flys to people’s houses and helps them create meals that are short of ingredients (the less the better!) and cost wise, next to nothing! She is just beautiful inside and out and has opened my eyes to becoming something better. In the short time that I have known her she has opened my eyes to dreaming big but being proactive about making them come true. She is a true inspiration and I wish her nothing but the best. After a few diet cokes and a girl throwing up on me later, we went to another bar across the street. This one was called benchmark and was even louder than the last. We stayed for a little while and after my boyfriend came we left not long after that.

On our way!

The boy and I ended up grabbing food at Maxwell Street in Chicago. Before I go into what I ate this weekend, let me disclaimer the fuck out of it and tell you this was my last weekend to have whatever I wanted. I decided I am going to go without a cheat meal for 4 weeks (just in time for my birthday 😉 Just to see how I look and how I come in. Just a little something I am doing for myself. That being said, I got a double hamburger, a hotdog (which was ok lol) and a side of fries. Their fries are amazing and I could eat them all day. Afterwards, we headed home. The next morning I got his ass up after numerous times (he is NOT a morning person), because I wanted to go to the taste of chicago. Around 12:30 we were out the door. In the car ride there we had planned to visit a friend that owns Dragonfly (a FANTASTIC sushi place) after we strolled the fest. However, we decided to get sushi before the taste (mostly because all I wanted at the taste was ice cream lol) so that’s what we ended up doing. Chi met us there and sat us down. After the waitress arrived to take our drink order he had 4 drinks placed. A peach sangria (amazing), a regular sangria, a mojito and a jack and coke for the man. I literally had a buffet of drinks in front of me.

My favorite was the one on the right. The peach sangria!

Now I am NOT a drinker. I may have once before but I think its pointless to drink all those calories especially when you can have a delicious cupcake for the same amount. Yes. This is how I think. THAT and because even after these drinks plus another 2 mocasto’s I was sober. It has happened to me a lot before. I will drink 6 shots in 30 minutes, or shotgun this, drink that and STONE COLD S O B E R. Now.. it’s not like I want to get shitface wasted, but not even tispy for all those calories? Yeah, no thank you. Anyways after that, we ordered our food. We got about 4 rolls (imo gimo? is my fave) and a side of BBQ pork fried rice. Yes, we are fat kids inside. Well.. after we ate, and said our goodbyes we sat in the car for about 15 minutes in a straight food coma. Another long story short, we never did make it to that taste….. lol. We headed home and laid around till the food settled. Around 9:30pm we got up and went to Oberweis played a few games of checkers (I won :P) then got a movie (The Call- SUPER GOOD!).. and relaxed for the rest of the night.

Look @ all those drinks! and there was only 2 people sitting there.. haha

SUSHI!

Considering today is Wednesday night, I will cut all the crap out from the last few days and let you know that I have stayed true to my No Cheat till my birthday promise. I didn’t work out at the gym Monday (I was too exhausted) but I did do a work out at home. Tuesday and Wednesday though, I busted my ass. Tuesday was a leg day (feeling the effects of it as I type this) and today was a shoulder day. Two of my fave. Actually.. Chest day and Back have also become my favorite. Mostly because I have been benching lately and want to see myself bench 135lb. Back, because I have been slowly but surely doing body weight pull-ups and have a goal of at least 20 by either the end of summer, or by my competition (sometime in oct or nov lol. Idk the exact date, all I know is that its about 18 weeks out). So instead of having a weight loss or body fat goal, I want to get stronger* (again, will explain these asterisks at a later time). I can currently squat 135/145 (my body weight), box squat probably 185lb, bench 95lb and only do 3 spull-up (that IS after I do work outs though so I am not quite sure if I can do more when I am at my strongest).. I don’t know. I really want to do a powerlifting competition or a CrossFit one.. something other than getting judged on how my body looks in a bikini. I want more.

My diet has been somewhat challenging. Going through a rough time so I feel like all I do is spend my money on gas, bills and food. I have a diet plan written up but I don’t know if I could afford eating that much. I am trying though.

Today’s Diet looked as follows:
4:30am Quest Bar
7am Banana
9am 1/2 roll up (tons of fiber and protein) w/ 1/2c tuna
1130pm A spinach smoothie with 1/2 lemon and strawberries with 1/2c greek yogurt (this messed my stomach up. I have acid reflux and I need to stop drinking these delicious smoothies)
12pm Shoulder Work Out and 1 scoop of a 2:1 carb to protein shake (Idk if this is a good idea yet)
2:30pm 15 minutes of a fat burning cardio session
2:45pm 1/2c whole wheat pasta, 1/2c ground turkey and 1/2c organic pasta sauce
5pm A pita bread with 2 TBS natural PB (probably more but I had to finish and scrape every last ounce out of it before I threw away that $6 jar of greatness)
8pm 3 small chicken breasts, 1/2c cottage cheese and some broccoli
1045pm Now that I think about what time it is I might go grab some brown rice with ground turkey because reading what I wrote I did not meet any of my needs. EAT TO GROW PEOPLE and I’ll be damnedddddd if I don;t at least try.

Oh and insert 25 almonds and another tablespoon of PB. I REALLY need to lay off the peanut butter for a while..

That was pretty much it. I burned probably around 600 calories during my workout. Here are a few progress pictures:

This was post all that crappy food. I figured it was best to take the first progress picture all water weighted down 🙂

7/17/13

Ahhh.. 6 hours to sleep. Sleep also helps muscles so I better go ;P More later, I promise :*

P.S now it is WAY to late to edit this so I apologize in advance if everything blows donkey peepee.

Leg Work Out Posted!

Can’t believe I’ve posted 3 days in a row. Lmao.. I usually get side tracked or fall asleep but dang!

Today was an alright day. I planned on going into work a few hours early to work out with H but as soon as I got there he left because he wasn’t feeling well. I was about 4 hours early so I was taking my time. Ended up talking to a few co workers for about an hour before I got started.
12pm Got to work
1pm Finally start working out. Light leg day today..

LEG DAY BABY!

My thighs look huge compared to my calves lol

I warmed up with Box Squats.
Bar @ 15reps
135lbs x 12reps supersetted with 20 BW Lunges
135lbs x 12reps another 20 Lunges
155lbs x 10reps – 20 lunges
165lbs x 8reps- 20 lunges

Leg Curl 40lbs x 12reps
45lbs x 10
50lbs x 12
Super set with abduction:
135lbs x 15
150lbs x 15
145lbs x 12
Adduction:
135lbs x 15reps
145lbs x 15reps
145lbs x 12reps

Leg Press:
180lbs x 12reps
180lbs x 12reps
270lbs x 8reps
270lbs x 8reps

Superset with 20 lunges and 10 Leg Ext @ 80lbs

Last but not least, Single Leg Squats (BW) 10ea leg with 15box jumps (3x total).

This took me about an hour and I burned roughly 600 calories. Afterwards I had about an hour and 1/2 before my next client, so I went in my car and chilled a bit. I drank a 2:1 (carbs to protein) drink but headed back in with 30 minutes left. I didn’t want to just waste the time I had, so I finished with 20 minutes of cardio.

Treadmill:
10 minutes @ 8.0 Incline w/ 3.0 speed.
5 minutes 0 incline / 1.0 speed and I LUNGED! finished with another
5 minutes 5 incline/ 1.0 speed

You know youre working out when your knees sweat!

Afterwards, I finished 1/2 of a quest bar and ate a greek yogurt.

4pm Trained Holli and she had a kick ass work out
4:30-5:30 Two more clients.
I then had an hour in between my last apt so I went to Chipotle and ate. It seems like I am always hungry 😉
7-7:30pm Last client and was out the door around 7:45pm

Really not counting my calories or my macros lately. I am going to enjoy this weekend and then come monday really give it my all like I mentioned previously. I am still barely doing any cardio (first session was the treadmill I did today, all week), and yet still seeing results which is so straight. I can only imagine once I start adding cardio in my schedule.. Hmm…

Spinach Strawberries Lemon and Water

Other than that, I had a green smoothie (MY FAVE!!!), the rest of my grape nuts (lol), cottage cheese, greek yogurt, almonds, chipotle, a banana, and a protein shake. Oh.. and I just ate 1/2 of a watermelon. Yup.. Look..

😛

Lol.

Also made kale chips for a snack..

Preheat oven to 350
Coat with Olive Oil
Sprinkle Salt
Bake to 12-14 min

Going to be chilling the rest of the night with the boy. I have an early morning tomorrow. Took on a client at 8:30 just in time for my 9:15am Spin Class followed by 2 more clients. Short day but I hear tits going to be a super nice weekend so… not going to complain (for once).

Well enjoy and get moving!!!!!!!!

@ Home Work Out!

Today was boring. Shoot.. there goes my whole point of trying to make this blog more interesting…

The man came over last night and brought me beef jerky. Remember how I said I was way off my macros for the day? 😉 We ended up just chilling for a bit while I peeled his back. LOL. He got super burnt when we went to Wisco and ended up peeling pretty bad. The weirdo that I am had fun for a few minutes. Afterwards we watched t.v and not too long after the boy got hungry. I really don’t have food to feed him because all I eat is like.. cottage cheese and shit so… that was a no go. He kept taunting me with Taco bell ( I have a weird obsession) but when I feel like I am doing really good in the gym, I don’t like back tracking by eating shitty. Well.. that is till I start eating then its like cloud 9 type shit. But regardless, I kept saying no. More so because I am one lazy maddafaker and didn’t want to get out of bed. Sooner or later I ended up feeling bad. Who wants to feel hungry? So I told him I would go but I wasn’t getting anything. We ended up going to Wendys and I got a diet coke and a baked potato with cheese and bacon. Lmao. Well.. if I was short 100g of carbs, I wasn’t any more.. No big deal. I didn’t feel bad nor guilty so it is what it is. We went to bed shortly after.

Smiling because I am a weirdo taking a picture of his peeling skin..

You know it looks good 😛

10:30am Woke up.
11:30am Got out of bed and ate a cup of grape nuts (again, weirdly addicted).
12:15pm Started getting ready for work. Took Marley for a walk and made a green smoothie.
This recipe (more so ingredients) is one of my favorites. All I put was a crap ton of spinach, water, 4 strawberries, a 1/2 of a lemon and blended. I think it’s because it has a sour kick to it that I just love.

1:15-2:15pm Got to work and trained a client. We did lower body and I had her do some jump squats as active rests (we only have a 30 min session), but she had to stop because she was getting dizzy. She had eaten before so that wasnt it. I didn’t think much of it (it’s a ballistic movement. anyone could get dizzy over those), but as we sat down to do some core she started talking about how she gets winded easily especially when her heart rate is elevated. I need to do some research and see what common factors could be the result of this.

2:30pm I had an hour before my next apt, which I thought was a lot longer. I planned to work out but for some reason I mistaken my schedule. No big deal. This week I am taking it easy. Adjusting to being overwhelmed and getting my head straight to really start giving it my all. I want to follow my macros that were given to me and see how it may change my body. I am just interested. Progress is always a fun thing to keep track of. All I know is that I have been 150lbs for a while now (I could care less really.. just wish I was a little leaner. 17% body fat is NOT for me), but I AM getting stronger* (I’ll explain this asterisk in another post).

So for my break I ended up walking to GNC. No, correction, I LUNGED to GNC. lmao. I am not kidding. No, not the entire way but I did over 100 lunges. In front of everyone, store fronts, traffic. I don’t care. I picked up some quest bars (GOOGLE THESE IF YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE. SIMPLY PUT, THEY ARE AMAZING). I am super excited to try their raspberry white chocolate that just came out, but went with my go to’s, brownie apple pie and 1 PB&J.

3:30pm I trained another client.
4-5:30pm I thought I had off so I went in my car to take a power nap. Little did I know that people get emails for their appointments so me not taking someone out of my schedule, they thought they had a session. I get a call from my boss and asked if I was in the gym. I came back in at 4:30 and trained her. She wasn’t mad or anything. She was confused though but so was I. We talked about skipping this weeks session. But no big deal. I trained her and sat back down to realize I had yet another cancellation at 5:30. So I just waited around.

6-7pm I had 2 more clients, followed by 2 more cancellations. Instead of working out (it’s a cluster fuck at this time), I just packed my stuff up and headed to the grocery store.

I picked up some fruit: bananas (post work out), strawberries and lemons (for green smoothie like mentioned above), and watermelon. I also picked up spinach, kale, greek yogurt, cottage cheese and some chicken. Just my basics I guess..

Afterwards I came home around 8:30 while my mom was making a pizza. It was one of my new favorites (something weird with goat cheese and if you know anything about me you should know that’s weird as hell that I would be eating something that had some weird cheese on it. But, it was amazing). I had a slice (feel guilty? nah, I only had 50g of carbs today ;P), then went up to my room for a mini work out.
I am not really a fan of working out at home. Don’t ask me why because I wouldn’t be able to tell you. I just like the gym atmosphere. However, I really wanted to do upper body since I have been neglecting my shoulders lately.

Picture taken today.

So, I came up with this:

8 rounds-

8 push ups
8 (each arm) shoulder presses (25lb)
8 kettle bell swings (25lbs)
8 lateral raises (10lbs)
8 burpees
8 bw squats (squeezing ass at the top)

I don’t know why I did 8. I really had no idea what I was even going to do.. but this here took me 46 minutes. Can you believe that? I stopped a few times but no more than a minute tops.

Total calorie burn: 343

Going to grab something to eat before I head to bed. It’s already 11pm and I just want to crash.

ZZZZZZZZ