Live love LIFT!

I got the go ahead to lift lower body!

It’s been a few weeks, and I could not be happier.. Like I’ve previously mentioned, my “diet” has kept me from spiraling into a depression. I went 30 days without a chest meal, and had one last Friday. I’ve been wanting pizza and my wish was granted. Everything felt fine. My stomach did turn just a bit but I held everything together. A few hours later, we indulged in some frozen yogurt and I’ll have to say, I felt a tad guilty. I’m not sure if it was because it was late at night, but I felt I went a bit overboard. The next day however, I was back to eating like normal (instead of usually continuing the binge).

Today, a few days later.. I feel better than ever. I started tracking my food which helps in holding myself accountable.

Slowly adding in cardio but for now my focus is on lifting lower body. I’ll check in soon!

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One thing after another..

Things are getting tough. It’s been 4 days since surgery and although I have amazing support, I feel myself falling into depression..

What was suppose to be a 15 minute surgery, turned into 2 and 1/2 hours, putting me to sleep twice, an incision and an extra pin (total of 5).

I was given pain meds, but after the numbness went away no medication seem to help. After a few hours, mike drove me back to the doctors, all the while tears flooded my face. They said they wrapped my hand too tight and prescribed “Mercedes Benz” of pain meds.. Only to realize those didn’t help either..

I’ve been home this entire time, taking off work. Which is hard being a personal trainer and all, considering I don’t get paid but nothing I can do. Not much I can do really, physically.. Any motion any slight pressure hurts like you wouldn’t believe.. So taking my mind off it, is something I’m struggling with.

The only thing I am happy about is the fact that I haven’t fallen to good for satisfaction. In fact, I’ve been losing weight (yes more than likely muscle WHICH SADDENS ME EVEN MORE!!!!), staying “clean” for just about a month now. I figured I wouldn’t be as active so I need to lighten up with the cookies :P Though, I’ve have ZERO cravings.. Not even the double layered homemade cake my mom made, made me budge. Success.

But enough of that before my mouth starts watering.. It’s been 3 weeks since I lifted upper body, and only 3 lower body workouts, I have 4 weeks to go. Doesn’t seem like much and could be a lot worse, the here and now sucks. I cry a lot.. Not having a hand, more so excruciating pain when you try to use it, makes you appreciate it that much more. I just wish I could stay positive, I’m praying that I do.

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Life as I know it (for the time being)!

WOW.. it has been one hell of a roller coaster ride these last few weeks. Up and down an all around…

Lets first start off by saying how hard this is to type, considering I fractured the BLEEP out of my left hand. I just finished up with the doctor just a few short hours ago, where we decided to go ahead with surgery. I’m not saying
I’m thrilled, but happy that things should be back to normal in a few weeks. That being said, I have had two legit work outs in the last 3 weeks. Lets just say, I have been rather depressed. Seems like it’s a domino effect lately. More so, because I am constantly reminded of my lack of being able to do.. well just about anything. For the first week, I couldn’t even put my hair up, or tie my own shoes. Boy, did it make me feel guilty. Just always taking things for granted.. really made me appreciate the things in my life more. Maybe that’s why it happened… who knows..

Regardless, I am still facing challenges each and every day, and not being able to work out has made me feel .. like I lost part of myself. All I have ever known, has been working out and personal training.. and something this small has taken that from me (for the time being). I was deadlifting 255 for REPS and really pushing forward with my prep for competition. I mean.. this happened the day before I was supposed to compete in a DL comp, where the girl who won (and there was ONLY 1 GIRL in the comp) only lifted 235lbs.. let me tell you… that did not sit with me well.

Although my lifting has taken a back seat for a bit (I still lift legs as much as possible, and as much as I can), I promised myself that my “diet” will be the thing that holds me together. I was scared at first.. I was eating cookies practically every day and still  maintaining.. I was barely doing any cardio.. and then BAM! Active lifestyle cut short. I had to do something or I was going to self destruct.

So far so good.

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To be honest, my body is taking the lack of heavy lifting extremely well. I couldn’t believe it.. I woke up and had abs sitting up! Nothing I am doing is crazy extreme.. all I am doing is watching what I eat.. aaaaaaaand passing up the cookies (just for now). I am not counting calories, my macros.. nothing.. I probably should be but until I feel its necessary, I would rather just eat. I do prep my meals still, but again, no measuring of anything. I do take spin classes every other day (heavy resistance), to get SOME activity in my life. Like I said, I would be lost without it… I mean.. it really is my life. Even if I can’t train myself, I train people for a living and now, I can’t even spot someone correctly…  :( But.. that’s not what this is about.

It’s about appreciating life. Really.. just in general. I mean, I broke a finger and I felt hopeless at times.. I felt like I lost myself.. I felt dependent on people for the dumbest things. Shout out to Justine for tying my shoes countless times..

smh..

But it made me appreciate the fact that I still have every other working limb. That in 4 weeks, I will be healed. Where as others won’t. Where mine seems so minor compared to others. I could only imagine the pain the suffering others with major health issues face. I pray for them, and I will continue to pray for them. When something is taken from you it affects you emotionally, and some times those emotions get the best of you.

I have a lot to be thankful for. I appreciate every single client, gym goer, and just random strangers, that try to boost my moral each and every day. It has been so heart warming to know that even if people are just being nosy, they took the time to ask how I was doing. It really has made me so much more appreciative of the life I live.

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I’ll explain later..

Every night she lies awake
Blaming insomnia.

But it’s her trouble thoughts
That keep her restless.

Wondering if she’ll ever find
Peace within her mind.

Oh boy.

Second Iphone stolen within 3 months. No insurance, like an idiot. Why? because with the insurance, my bill would exceed $150 a month.. Thought I wouldn’t have to deal with another jackass… I thought wrong.

It’s been almost a week without one. Not that it matters TOO much without having a phone.. but boy do I take it for granted. I can no longer nap because my dumbass has no alarm to wake me up. My clients cancel and I have no way of knowing. It’s the basic shit that I miss.. Not Facebook, Instagram or even Snapchat… I just want to be able to take a nap!

So, no photos of our Ice fishing trip to Wisconsin during Valentines day, no progress pictures, no duckface selfies… no nothing. Lost it all, again.

Smh.

On top of that, I am getting recertified as a personal trainer via NASM. They give you 180 days to complete and pass the test. My boss told me I needed it in 60 days. A week or two ago, it was no longer 60 days, but rather 27. If that doesn’t put stress on someone, I don’t know what will. It’s terrifying really. Not because I lack confidence which we all know.. but because I suck at taking tests and I really needed that time. I paid $800 for it and IF I don’t pass, it’s another $200 to try again. No, not being pessimistic, just laying it out there..

So.. I’m sure you can tell I am stressed out like a MF! Everything is taking a toll on me. My boss comes up to me and starts hounding me about the test and how I need it within the next week and a half.. I blew up at him. I have been such a basket case, that I feel like I can no longer control my emotions. I felt horrible. I still do. I apologize and got him a GC shortly after because I was so embarrassed about my actions…

Needless to say, Friday is my first therapist appointment. I need to talk to someone.. I need to get everything out and have someone say, ‘youre not crazy”.. I need someone to give me something to work with because I am slowly self destructing.

Work outs have been good, and I have been staying on track. Although with everything going on, I am having a hard time eating. I have to literally force myself to eat. Any other time before this, I would have loved not having an appetite.. Yeah.. that was the anorexic me.. the fit me shoves food down my throat so I don’t lose the precious muscle I have been slaving for..

Shits rough right now, but I’ll get through it by the grace of God.

 

 

 

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This is your sign to go work out =D

A LOT is going on right now, will update soon! Hopefully with a clearer mind this time around..

Wishful thinking.. I was told to be more optimistic so.. workin’ on it ;P

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We get it.. Take away food, you’ll lose weight.

Why low carb diets “work”- yes.. using the word (work) extremely loosely..

Weight loss or gain is primarily related to total caloric intake, not the macronutrient profile of the diet. The weight lost on a low carbohydrate diet can be attributed to two factors: low caloric intake and loss of fat-free mass. If an individual begins dropping carbohydrate rich foods from his or her diet, it is inevitable that caloric intake will drop as a result. Added to the caloric reduction, are dwindling glycogen stores. For every gram of glucose taken out of glycogen, it brings with it 2.7g of water. This loss of muscle glycogen (including water) can be quite significant in the first week of a low carb diet, and adds to the pounds lost on the scale. This is how low carbohydrate fad diets can promise dramatic weight loss in such a short period. Long term success in weight loss is associated with realistic eating style, not one that severely limits or omits one of the macronutrients.

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Rants and Raves.

I constantly see feed on my Facebook of girls who are physically ripped to pieces, then verbally ripped to pieces. Just because you don’t personally like someones physique, doesn’t mean you should suddenly start speaking your mind. Regardless if its physically appealing, how is the dedication the commitment the complete and utter consistency and persistence to keep pushing hard each and every single day, not?

3 different body types. All have been critised one way or another..

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This lifestyle isn’t easy. We have our good days and probably double the bad ones.
But what makes us stand out the most, is that we don’t give up, ESPECIALLY during the grueling days that present themselves. We push harder those days. We wake up tired and hungry but with each day that passes we are one step closer to achieving dreams we have made for ourselves.

How many of you can say you do that on a daily basis? Consistently push 100% for something that you hope one day all comes together? I must admit.. just writing these words right here right now makes me feel like just because I don’t feel accomplished in this world yet, that I will one day become unstoppable. I know who I am, but I also know who I want to be. I come off as mean and intimidating to those who don’t know me. I think they call that a “bitch” nowadays? The thing is though, is I can be. I’ll admit it. I have been so hurt in the last 24 years that its true, I can be ruthless at times. I don’t take shit life is way too short for that, but just because I have a tough exterior doesn’t mean I am not this soft loving person inside. I want to break this habit that everyone has to be mean to people they don’t know. As the days tick on, I realize how much hate is indeed infesting this world and how little love is spread. This world needs people sticking together, to work together. Whatever anyone amounts to be in this world, we will never leave it. The ground is where we all will lay to rest one day, a ground that lie just about every enemy we think we’ve had.Sorry, I can get carried away. Point is, if we arent bettering ourselves each and every day, we have no room to speak about others. Yes, opinions are like assholes, every one has one.. Well aware, but why try to belittle someones accomplishments? We know it clearly has nothing to do with them, but something you may be lacking in your own life. Anyways I am no ones therapist, so lets keep it simple. If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.

Silence is a source of great strength.

Remember that.

So with each day forward I want to become something better. I don’t want to be that person that everyone thinks I am. I will always have those certain walls up but doesn’t mean I don’t have a door and I can’t come out and play. Little do you know, I want to spread my knowledge and help those who are looking for it. I want to help you change your life.  I want to help you feel the power behind having a passion, achieving an accomplishment.

I will one day leave my mark in this world. I think although still very naive and opinionated, that I am strong, willed enough to push through these obstacles I set for myself. Conquer your mind and you can conquer the world.

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Project Clean Up!

I finally decided to sit down and write. I don’t know what I am going to write, but I have a crap ton of photos, that will help in describing my life in the last couple of weeks.

Things have been hectic to say the least.. Studying for NASM, going through transitions at work and at home, and just trying to stay on the road I think is best. Its been hard, and I am not afraid or ashamed to say, that even though hesitant at first, I think its best if I talk to someone professionally. I have too many outside biased opinions that I feel cloud my mind at times. I want to sit down and explain myself and figure out if I really am crazy.. Okay a little dramatic, but I do feel it sometimes.

The one thing that is getting me by, is the group of friends I’ve previously mentioned. Having such a tight-knit group is something I can’t explain. I guess I have never experienced this kind of true friendship. Its awesome.. that’s just put it that way.. Not to forget that I have learned SO much.. more than I have in the last 4 years trying to get by on my own. 6 months with these people and I feel like a new and improved person. They make me feel good.. at all times.. I think that’s so important during the stressful times of contest prep, or just simply living the life of someone who works at a gym.. someone who takes it seriously (yes I have to put a disclaimer.. I see your sales guys eating McDonald’s over there)… such a shame.

Any who.. enough lovey dovey shit.. I have been eating like crap for the last week. Burgers.. upon burgers.. ice cream, frozen yogurt, McDonald’s.. You name it, I probably had it. This is a great way to start loading pictures, dont cha think ;P

@SMOKE bbq

@SMOKE bbq

Idk why that last picture is blurry but not like we needed it anyways. We DEMOLISHED our food @bulldogs in grayslake. I had the mac daddy. This was last night... haha. ANDDDD.. not pictured but same night, the boy came over and we got Mcflurrys. The next time you get one, ask for hot fudge (with the oreo of course). You will not be sorry!

Idk why that last picture is blurry but not like we needed it anyways. We DEMOLISHED our food @bulldogs in grayslake. I had the mac daddy. This was last night… haha. ANDDDD.. not pictured but same night, the boy came over and we got Mcflurrys. The next time you get one, ask for hot fudge (with the oreo of course). You will not be sorry!

The only reason, I am randomly adding this progress picture in, is because this was the morning before the night of the burgers (above pictured). I have literally eaten like crap, and this is how I woke up, after alllllllll the food about to be pictured...

The only reason, I am randomly adding this progress picture in, is because this was the morning before the night of the burgers (above pictured). I have literally eaten like crap, and this is how I woke up, after alllllllll the food about to be pictured…

Sushi @Dragonfly in Chicago. We LOVE this place. So amazing. We also had orange steak and prok fried rice. We. get. down.

Sushi @Dragonfly in Chicago. We LOVE this place. So amazing. We also had orange steak and pork fried rice. We. get. down.

Night of dragonfly, clearly loving life.

Night of dragonfly, clearly loving life.

I suppose I should of started with this pic, but the whole reason we were downtown and had sushi was because I had to take a 3 hour CPR class that I was almost late too because of chicago traffic during any type of weather change... BUTTTTTTTT I passed! Notice the isopure ;)

I suppose I should have started with this pic, but the whole reason we were downtown and had sushi was because I had to take a 3 hour CPR class that I was almost late too because of chicago traffic during any type of weather change… BUTTTTTTTT I passed! Notice the isopure ;)

Post sushi. :O The boy snap chatted me this picture lol. I swear the options were endless!!!!!

Post sushi. :O The boy snap chatted me this picture lol. I swear the options were endless!!!!!

@Coldstone. I never skimp on the deliciousness here. The boy always gets a smoothie or some weird thing.. Here I believe I actually got one of their premade options. It was oreo hot fudge and chocolate chips... sweet cream icecream... mmmmmmmm

@Coldstone. I never skimp on the deliciousness here. The boy always gets a smoothie or some weird thing.. Here I believe I actually got one of their premade options. It was oreo hot fudge and chocolate chips… sweet cream icecream… mmmmmmmm

I obviously had a few bites of his icecream but get this... icecream 2.99 my apple?????? 3.09!!!!!!!!!!!!! But they were on sale for 2.99 meaning my apple was a little over a lb! lmao..

I obviously had a few bites of his icecream but get this… icecream 2.99 my apple?????? 3.09!!!!!!!!!!!!! But they were on sale for 2.99 meaning my apple was a little over a lb! lmao..

@fiveguys. Bacon Burger....... Cajun fries..... I was in heaven.

@fiveguys. Bacon Burger……. Cajun fries….. I was in heaven.

This was about 2-3 days into crapping eating but still lifting like a badass. No cardio. Night AFTER sushi.. (above).

This was about 2-3 days into crapping eating but still lifting like a badass. No cardio. Night AFTER sushi.. (above).

Leg progress. Super happy with them lately.

Leg progress. Super happy with them lately.

soooo cold out! random selfie ;P

soooo cold out! random selfie ;P

My new bag LOVE, new aminos LOVE and my resistance bands for pull ups!!!!!

My new bag LOVE, new aminos LOVE and my resistance bands for pull ups!!!!!

10oz ribeye @outback. SOOOOOOOOO good. you have the option for grilled or pan with seasoned. I asked for it to be seasoned but grilled and it could not have been better. Funny story or not story but fact, this but his steak and an appetizer cost the same as when we go to Buffalo Wild Wings. Isnt that nuts?!

10oz ribeye @outback. SOOOOOOOOO good. you have the option for grilled or pan with seasoned. I asked for it to be seasoned but grilled and it could not have been better. Funny story or not story but fact, this but his steak and an appetizer cost the same as when we go to Buffalo Wild Wings. Isnt that nuts?!

Beginning of the year 2014'

Beginning of the year 2014′

So, as you may know I am an avid believer in eating clean. However, I don’t know exactly what went on here. I didn’t calorie count or track anything (besides the pictures), but you can tell I wasn’t shy about those calories consumed. I enjoyed every last bite of every meal I ate in the last week. That I get, but what confuses me is that I didn’t change my work out regimen  to adapt to the significantly higher calories in my diet, but I still maintained if not IMPROVED my physique. Yes I am not stage lean-to ANY extent, but I feel like I have actually never looked better. Maybe they really were magic cookies…

Haha inside joke.. I have started a cookie binge and it’s catching on like a virus! I swear they’re not magic! This is not a trend, do NOT follow! haha… I think my body was just going crazy and even it didn’t know what to do with itself..BUT today, I have started from scratch. Chicken and veggies for meeeeeeeee. Lets see what happens.. I mean,, if crap food and no added exercise made me look like this.. I can only imagined if I cleaned things up!

Back to some good read though. I deadlifted 225 no problem. No straps.. just chalk. About 4 months ago, I attempted this. I stood by the bar and couldn’t budge it. I strapped up, had a spot and maybe hit 3 reps. Just the other day, after about 6 reps of continuously adding weight, we threw on 225 just for shits and giggles. Chalked up and repped it out. Literally. It was nuts. So nuts, that I feel that I may have been spotted the whole time. She says all she did was bring my shoulders back but maybe that’s what it took to get it up?? So.. after were all recovered, I want to try it again.. no spot.. no bullshit. Until then… I spotted 225 ;)

….and the best part of my last couple of weeks?

Just so happened to happen about 2 days ago. I was training a client that I have had ever since i made the switch to Waukegan. He was coming in 2 times a week in the morning with another trainer. That trainer changed his schedule and could no longer train him. I met with him, at which point he couldnt go up or down the stairs without holding on due to a bad motorcycle accident. As far as I was told, when he first started with the gym he was had a cane (previously in wheelchair for weeks). Weight loss had always been a goal, but we really needed to focus on reworking the muscles for basic human movements. starting from scratch, we needed to work on our foundation. Slowly but surely all the progress was really made on the scale. Eventually a couple of months in, he was super happy about going up and down the stairs no problem. He literally hustled! It was awesome. Another time he came in and asked to give me a hug. Later explained hunting was no longer painful, No longer took an ATV out, instead walks to where he sets up shop. But what was major BADASS (and I am so sorry I don’t have a video. You can check out Phitness Aesthetics on Facebook or my Instagram, Maristheshit), was when we took me to our little room and said he needed to show me something. I already knew I wanted to video tape it so you hear him saying I’m going to make fun of him! He first walks up and down on both legs over a few step ups. I’m super happy already but again you hear him say, but that isn’t even the best part. YOU SEE THE EXCITEMENT ON HIS FACE, as he attempts to BOX JUMP IT!!! AND HE DOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A couple of times too!!!!!! It was so amazing. I showed it to my co worker who previously trained him and he said he had tears in his eyes, if not everyone who saw it. People were amazed and they didn’t even know it. Ugh! You have to see the video now.. I’ll try to upload it..

Shit it really wont let me.

See if that will work.. If Not.. just google maristheshit or find me on instagram. Any who.. I’m just going to leave on that note.. It was just too awesome not too!

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My point is this..

My body has changed and the stronger I get, the more it will continue to change. And surprise, I am also a women. I could be the damn near sexiest chick in the world, and still wake up some mornings and hate what I see in the mirror. No matter how many inspirational mantras I tell myself, there will still be days where I struggle. There will always be days that I feel like a busted can of biscuits. That being said, its really time to start accepting my body and the way clothing fits. 

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