Barely scratching the surface.

My life is a disaster (imagine that) but I look like I have my shit together. I am quite possibly in the best shape of my life, and it’s probably from treading water for 25 years. I am however staying positive (with an occasional hiccup here and there), and I believe that’s why I’ve managed to stay afloat. 

I am currently eating around 2200 calories a day. No cycling (nutrition wise) just keeping my macros constant and my sugar low. The biggest thing I have changed is, I’ve added spinning into my program. I am addicted. I am on a 30 day streak and my goal is 9 more till my birthday (8/14). That will bring my total of spin classes starting from 6/14-8/14 to 54 rides in 2 months. Adding that type of “cardio” has completely shaped my body. Now, before I say anything else I want to comment on how cardio is not the answer, it’s only part of the equation. It should compliment your routine not complicate it. Meaning, don’t over do it if your nutrition sucks. I’m serious. 

Under eating and over working will not work in your favor. It might on the scale side of things, but the scale is meaningless. The scale is only important in the fact that you need it for the sole purpose of calculating your body fat percentage. I am the heaviest I have ever been (sitting around 150#), but in the best shape I’ve ever been in.       
..With that being said, I’m working on a project. It’s my last attempt to give this fitness industry a try. I’ve been in it for awhile and slowly losing patience for people who find having a personal trainer as something to brag about instead of a tool for getting healthier. No one wants to put in the work, I take that back. People WILL do the work, yet won’t budge on their “diet”. It’s impossible to out train a bad one. I tried. Eating crap made me feel like crap. I still looked decent but I was weak and sluggish. My legs felt heavy and I was constantly tired. All I am trying to do is spread my knowledge to whoever will listen and take charge of their lives. I want people to give a shit. I know Rome wasn’t built in a day, yall have been with me through it all, so I know it’s not always a walk in the park. However, coming to see me for a training session smelling like McDonald’s, is probably not going to yield you the results you’re looking for. I don’t mind ups and downs because Id be naive to think otherwise, but I don’t want people to give up. I don’t want people to waste my time. It’s annoying and I take way too much pride in this to be disrespected. 

I’m struggling, in and out but I will not give up. Who the fuck is with me? 

Looking fit means shit.

With everything going on, years ago I’d punish myself by feeding the pain. Today, I am still holding strong. I no longer look to food as comfort, but as fuel. I realize that with everything going on in the outside world, if I lost myself I’d have nothing. 

I am consistent with my workouts and try to progress every day. My “diet” (you should all know by now I use that word very loosely), is not where it should be, but due to circumstances I’m making the best out of it. 

All said and done, I am in the best shape I have ever been. What does that even mean? I should rephrase that.. I LOOK like I am in the best shape of my life. 

  
Here’s the thing… 

..I can bang out 225# deadlifts, 50# DB shoulder press’.. But when it comes to skill work, and actually USING my muscles, I found I am actually quite weak. 

Shoulder taps, ring dips.. being as sore as I was, I just couldn’t hang (no pun intended 😜). ..and as competitive as I am, it sucked at first.. But I walked away excited for a new challenge. I never get bored with trying to PR on a lift (especially bench and deadlifts), but I’ve never been so intrigued with trying to be versatile in this industry. I don’t want to just look strong, I want to be strong.   
  

Emerge.

For a seed to achieve it’s greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, it’s insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.

Justine (my BFF, left). Myself, to the right.

So here’s to growing. Here’s to coming undone. Here’s to the progress, even the challenges I will face. Here’s to being okay.

Dating a fit chick:

Couldn’t help not to share. Mike wrote this while I was sleeping and it’s pretty legit..

DATING A FIT CHICK:

– Must deal with constant soreness , massage skills are a bonus.

-No messing with eating schedule, nor teasing with nono food.

-Let them sleep, it’s good and leads to not being cranky, no one likes an aggravated women.

-Do not interrupt work out sessions, they’re in the zone just don’t fuck with them.

-There’s alot of crazy seeds and powders that are beneficial.

-You’re not funny when you try and make them laugh doing a workout wrong. They will walk away.

-Harder Faster Squeeze should not be taken in a sexual manner in a gym.

– DO NOT TOUCH when the word bloated is mention.

-You really find out a women can rip one with the best of them.

-Don’t get insecure if they are stronger. You can still do the manly things.

Grasping for air.

A lot has happened in the last week and it’s finally coming to an end.

Atleast that’s what I’m telling myself. Because I can’t stay in this hole any longer..

It’s not healthy.
Nor am I happy.

I’m far from happy.
Like, far far.

I sit here.. A week into a binge and purge roller coaster. An ENTIRE week.

I was fine, doing so well.. Food was on point. I was doing what I could workout wise. My head was clear.

Then I get injured.
Shattered knuckle.

That’s it. Nothing crazy..Nothing life altering.

Or, well.. So I thought.

Made the best of it, even 4 weeks post operation.. Then last week, I felt like my life was just swept with a deep dark sense of sadness…

Then the demons arrived.

I started seeing a therapist maybe two months or so ago just for straight life guidance (I think a lot) and I remember specifically one of the first things he asked was if fitness wasn’t a part of my life anymore, though it didn’t take long for me to reply it felt like a no brainer.. It won’t. I will ALWAYS be involved and super interested in the fitness industry.

End of story.

Wrong..
More like just beginning.

Fast Forward two weeks, I shatter my knuckle. FF another two weeks, I had the surgery. A surgery in which was suppose to be 15 minutes, turned into 2 and 1/2 hours.

After that, even just the day after, when I returned in pain and the dr said they had wrapped the splint too right.. I still had high hopes. But soon it turned from an it what it is situation, to wtf did I just get myself into??!!

Bad vibes from doctors, painful experiences.. Take for example the picture was taken this past Wednesday. The Dr (who I’ve been seeing and haven’t been to fond of) had someone shadow him then leave the room to have him stitch me. I get that may be a requirement to know what to do, but this guy .. Let’s just say had some trouble. Like, walking out, grabbing an assistant kind of trouble. It was a bad time..

The week of the last pin removal, really hit me hard. Everything just flooded my head with negativity. I had just interviewed for a really good job, but called back and asked for my application to be put on hold, knowing with surgeries PT and basically not being at able to perform at my best, wasn’t good qualities of a new hire..

I got into a car accident. Backed up into a guy who said he saw me but thought he could move around me..

The thought of my hand never being the same again constantly triggered mood swings..

Feeling helpless, ALL THE TIME.

Self destructing, falling back into old habits.

It was one thing after another and I couldn’t control it. I had given up that power.

2 months ago I was doing push ups in my room for fun, timing handstands and planks.. Now I could barely dress myself, tie my shoes..

Everything.. just like that.. Taken away.

I know maybe I’m being dramatic.. Maybe I’m just feeling sorry for myself. Maybe.. But what I do know, is I’m a girl whose been so insecure from the moment I could remember and has dealt with body image issues for just as long… Understand and grasp the harsh reality that my happiness seems to be directly related to my body issue..

And this surgery.. An obstacle if you will, made me realize just how caught up I am in all of this..

..how I’ve been LETTING the fight consume me.

This time, I’m fighting back!

No matter how small, progress is progress!

It’s been exactly 2 months since my injury, a month since my surgery. In that time, I have lost 12lbs. In my anorexic days, I would if saw this as a good thing, and now I feel depressed thinking about all the muscle I have lost.

Maybe depressed wasn’t the right word, because although I’m super sad by it, I have yet to do the destructive habits I was once accustomed too… So maybe in light of it all, I’m making progress regardless of what the scale says..

IIFYM

I just ate a brownie. My stomach is in knots and I have a huge headache. It’s crazy how eating healthy for so long and ingesting something that isn’t, affects you so greatly.

That being said, I believe in IIFYM (if it fits your macros), to a point. Macros aka macronutrients, are your carbs proteins and fats. You are given a calorie “goal” as well as c/p/f.. And technically you could eat whatever you wanted as long as it fits in your means.

I find people are either pro clean eating or iifym. But those for iifym, seem to have a thing against clean eaters.. Making memes about it, like eating icecream in the shower.. Ext. I believe in whatever works for that person. Personally, my stomach can’t handle shit foods, nor does my mind. I feel guilty, more so because I tend to bloat pretty bad.. And who can feel happy being bloated?

Anyways, I like my clients to eat 5-6 days “clean” then treat themselves to a “cheat MEAL” once or twice a week. For different reasons.. Mostly up keep them sane. Unless you’ve been in the game for awhile.. You have habits that need to be broken, and until they are brought to the surface, many people can’t stick to a “diet”. They are too use to eating crappy and don’t feel satisfied eating chicken and veggies majority of the time..another reason I believe in eating healthy, wholesome foods, is because of vitamins and minerals. Yes, you could lose weight eating cheeseburgers all day, but sooner or later it’s going to catch up to you.

The thing is, I don’t care if you eat clean or eat icecream.. I want people to enjoy being fit. I want people to grab ahold of themselves and start treating their bodies better. I struggled for years before I took the healthy route, and I’m stunned it took that long.

Real talk.

I began a Facebook page called Fit R Us. I don’t know where I’m going with, much like this blog, though I hope to just help in any way I can. Mostly motivating articles and just being truthful about how the process of getting fit really works. No bullshit.

I feel like many people don’t understand the basics, just like myself years ago. That alone could be detrimental to ones progress. Years ago, I starved myself. Not too long ago I binged the fuck out of shit. Now, I am living healthy and happy and I hope others will too.

I posted this progress picture (see below) taken this morning (4/25/14). It’s about 2 weeks post surgery. I haven’t worked out.. and by that I have lost around 7lbs. Although not stoked about it.. There’s nothing I can do.. But wait! There is, and I have stayed completely on point on my diet (again, you know me, I use the word diet very loosely).

I have tracked my food in myfitnesspal. Which is sort if a joke unless you know what you’re doing. All my clients have downloaded it and I have manipulated the goals because 9/10 it is so wrong. I don’t really know where they come up with there numbers, but I rarely agree.

I’m staying on a 40/30/30 spilt, at around 1800 calories. And that’s not working out… Most girls would look at that number and think I’m crazy.. But I look at some peoples calorie consumption and think the same. Just remember, if you think eating less than 1000 calories is good.. Realize you will have to eat 1000 calories for the rest of your life or you’ll gain weight. Then think about if you hit a plateau.. Only way to get past it would be to add more work, or to eat less. See where I’m going here? You can eat and lose weight, you just have to be in a deficient at the end of the day.. Maybe people don’t like to work out.. But who likes to, well, not eat?

Live love LIFT!

I got the go ahead to lift lower body!

It’s been a few weeks, and I could not be happier.. Like I’ve previously mentioned, my “diet” has kept me from spiraling into a depression. I went 30 days without a chest meal, and had one last Friday. I’ve been wanting pizza and my wish was granted. Everything felt fine. My stomach did turn just a bit but I held everything together. A few hours later, we indulged in some frozen yogurt and I’ll have to say, I felt a tad guilty. I’m not sure if it was because it was late at night, but I felt I went a bit overboard. The next day however, I was back to eating like normal (instead of usually continuing the binge).

Today, a few days later.. I feel better than ever. I started tracking my food which helps in holding myself accountable.

Slowly adding in cardio but for now my focus is on lifting lower body. I’ll check in soon!

Project Clean Up!

I finally decided to sit down and write. I don’t know what I am going to write, but I have a crap ton of photos, that will help in describing my life in the last couple of weeks.

Things have been hectic to say the least.. Studying for NASM, going through transitions at work and at home, and just trying to stay on the road I think is best. Its been hard, and I am not afraid or ashamed to say, that even though hesitant at first, I think its best if I talk to someone professionally. I have too many outside biased opinions that I feel cloud my mind at times. I want to sit down and explain myself and figure out if I really am crazy.. Okay a little dramatic, but I do feel it sometimes.

The one thing that is getting me by, is the group of friends I’ve previously mentioned. Having such a tight-knit group is something I can’t explain. I guess I have never experienced this kind of true friendship. Its awesome.. that’s just put it that way.. Not to forget that I have learned SO much.. more than I have in the last 4 years trying to get by on my own. 6 months with these people and I feel like a new and improved person. They make me feel good.. at all times.. I think that’s so important during the stressful times of contest prep, or just simply living the life of someone who works at a gym.. someone who takes it seriously (yes I have to put a disclaimer.. I see your sales guys eating McDonald’s over there)… such a shame.

Any who.. enough lovey dovey shit.. I have been eating like crap for the last week. Burgers.. upon burgers.. ice cream, frozen yogurt, McDonald’s.. You name it, I probably had it. This is a great way to start loading pictures, dont cha think ;P

@SMOKE bbq

Idk why that last picture is blurry but not like we needed it anyways. We DEMOLISHED our food @bulldogs in grayslake. I had the mac daddy. This was last night… haha. ANDDDD.. not pictured but same night, the boy came over and we got Mcflurrys. The next time you get one, ask for hot fudge (with the oreo of course). You will not be sorry!

The only reason, I am randomly adding this progress picture in, is because this was the morning before the night of the burgers (above pictured). I have literally eaten like crap, and this is how I woke up, after alllllllll the food about to be pictured…

Sushi @Dragonfly in Chicago. We LOVE this place. So amazing. We also had orange steak and pork fried rice. We. get. down.

Night of dragonfly, clearly loving life.

I suppose I should have started with this pic, but the whole reason we were downtown and had sushi was because I had to take a 3 hour CPR class that I was almost late too because of chicago traffic during any type of weather change… BUTTTTTTTT I passed! Notice the isopure 😉

Post sushi. :O The boy snap chatted me this picture lol. I swear the options were endless!!!!!

@Coldstone. I never skimp on the deliciousness here. The boy always gets a smoothie or some weird thing.. Here I believe I actually got one of their premade options. It was oreo hot fudge and chocolate chips… sweet cream icecream… mmmmmmmm

I obviously had a few bites of his icecream but get this… icecream 2.99 my apple?????? 3.09!!!!!!!!!!!!! But they were on sale for 2.99 meaning my apple was a little over a lb! lmao..

@fiveguys. Bacon Burger……. Cajun fries….. I was in heaven.

This was about 2-3 days into crapping eating but still lifting like a badass. No cardio. Night AFTER sushi.. (above).

Leg progress. Super happy with them lately.

soooo cold out! random selfie ;P

My new bag LOVE, new aminos LOVE and my resistance bands for pull ups!!!!!

10oz ribeye @outback. SOOOOOOOOO good. you have the option for grilled or pan with seasoned. I asked for it to be seasoned but grilled and it could not have been better. Funny story or not story but fact, this but his steak and an appetizer cost the same as when we go to Buffalo Wild Wings. Isnt that nuts?!

Beginning of the year 2014′

So, as you may know I am an avid believer in eating clean. However, I don’t know exactly what went on here. I didn’t calorie count or track anything (besides the pictures), but you can tell I wasn’t shy about those calories consumed. I enjoyed every last bite of every meal I ate in the last week. That I get, but what confuses me is that I didn’t change my work out regimen  to adapt to the significantly higher calories in my diet, but I still maintained if not IMPROVED my physique. Yes I am not stage lean-to ANY extent, but I feel like I have actually never looked better. Maybe they really were magic cookies…

Haha inside joke.. I have started a cookie binge and it’s catching on like a virus! I swear they’re not magic! This is not a trend, do NOT follow! haha… I think my body was just going crazy and even it didn’t know what to do with itself..BUT today, I have started from scratch. Chicken and veggies for meeeeeeeee. Lets see what happens.. I mean,, if crap food and no added exercise made me look like this.. I can only imagined if I cleaned things up!

Back to some good read though. I deadlifted 225 no problem. No straps.. just chalk. About 4 months ago, I attempted this. I stood by the bar and couldn’t budge it. I strapped up, had a spot and maybe hit 3 reps. Just the other day, after about 6 reps of continuously adding weight, we threw on 225 just for shits and giggles. Chalked up and repped it out. Literally. It was nuts. So nuts, that I feel that I may have been spotted the whole time. She says all she did was bring my shoulders back but maybe that’s what it took to get it up?? So.. after were all recovered, I want to try it again.. no spot.. no bullshit. Until then… I spotted 225 😉

….and the best part of my last couple of weeks?

Just so happened to happen about 2 days ago. I was training a client that I have had ever since i made the switch to Waukegan. He was coming in 2 times a week in the morning with another trainer. That trainer changed his schedule and could no longer train him. I met with him, at which point he couldnt go up or down the stairs without holding on due to a bad motorcycle accident. As far as I was told, when he first started with the gym he was had a cane (previously in wheelchair for weeks). Weight loss had always been a goal, but we really needed to focus on reworking the muscles for basic human movements. starting from scratch, we needed to work on our foundation. Slowly but surely all the progress was really made on the scale. Eventually a couple of months in, he was super happy about going up and down the stairs no problem. He literally hustled! It was awesome. Another time he came in and asked to give me a hug. Later explained hunting was no longer painful, No longer took an ATV out, instead walks to where he sets up shop. But what was major BADASS (and I am so sorry I don’t have a video. You can check out Phitness Aesthetics on Facebook or my Instagram, Maristheshit), was when we took me to our little room and said he needed to show me something. I already knew I wanted to video tape it so you hear him saying I’m going to make fun of him! He first walks up and down on both legs over a few step ups. I’m super happy already but again you hear him say, but that isn’t even the best part. YOU SEE THE EXCITEMENT ON HIS FACE, as he attempts to BOX JUMP IT!!! AND HE DOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A couple of times too!!!!!! It was so amazing. I showed it to my co worker who previously trained him and he said he had tears in his eyes, if not everyone who saw it. People were amazed and they didn’t even know it. Ugh! You have to see the video now.. I’ll try to upload it..

Shit it really wont let me.

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See if that will work.. If Not.. just google maristheshit or find me on instagram. Any who.. I’m just going to leave on that note.. It was just too awesome not too!