Dating a fit chick:

Couldn’t help not to share. Mike wrote this while I was sleeping and it’s pretty legit..

DATING A FIT CHICK:

– Must deal with constant soreness , massage skills are a bonus.

-No messing with eating schedule, nor teasing with nono food.

-Let them sleep, it’s good and leads to not being cranky, no one likes an aggravated women.

-Do not interrupt work out sessions, they’re in the zone just don’t fuck with them.

-There’s alot of crazy seeds and powders that are beneficial.

-You’re not funny when you try and make them laugh doing a workout wrong. They will walk away.

-Harder Faster Squeeze should not be taken in a sexual manner in a gym.

– DO NOT TOUCH when the word bloated is mention.

-You really find out a women can rip one with the best of them.

-Don’t get insecure if they are stronger. You can still do the manly things.

Some sort of growth, right?

“When I see these pictures I often find myself thinking, what else have they had to give up in order to attain that physique? What relationships have suffered? What other areas of their life have they not had the opportunity to cultivate? What would that person ever do if circumstances (such as age, illness, some personal tragedy) turned the tide and they couldn’t maintain that image anymore? Would their identity be lost? Would others no longer be impressed by them?”

I recently saw this on someones blog, and holy cow.

I haven’t thought about my life without fitness or a healthy lifestyle till I came across that paragraph and wow was I lost for words.

My life has consisted of years of self abuse. Eating disorder after eating disorder. Diet pill after diet pill. Work out after work out.

This is all I know. I know weight loss. I know self hate. I know unhealthy. I know healthy.

Now.. I don’t know a life without constantly thinking about working out, hating myself, and food as much as I’ve lived this one. lol. Whatever I am doing.. surfing the net, posting fitness tips, pinching extra fat on my things, looking in the mirror, smelling a bomb ass slice of pizza, salivating over pinterest.. literally.. not a day.. not an hour.. not even a min goes by without me thinking about “fitness”.. So what would happen? What would change if I no longer could do the things I do on a day-to-day basis? What if I couldn’t work out?

The only thing I can pinpoint that I know 100% to be true.. is as long as I didn’t put on weight (or get what I feel s my uncomfortable zone) then I would try to make the best out of the situation.. but if the weight starting creeping and I wasn’t able to be active I think would ruin me. The idea of me being fat… FEELING fat hurts my heart. No joke.

Actually writing this out makes me sound selfish. Fuck. Seriously.. lets move on..

SO reading this on Friday guess what I did?

I had one of the best weekends of my life.

It didn’t start off so well but it definitely made me realize that I wouldn’t be lost without my fitness lifestyle.. that’s not something I focus on. It is literally my outward appearance. I NEED to look good (or at least THINK I look good lol). I like seeing collar bones and broad shoulders. I love having an ass but a flat stomach. I want my legs more defined… bigger even. Before I wouldn’t IMAGINE being “thicker” (I fucking hate that word). But in reality this is comfort. Healthy IS happy.

So, since I really don’t want to make this super long I won’t go much into detail (I ramble anyways so feel free to speed read).. I got home friday night knowing I wasn’t going to work out. I wanted to rest so that’s exactly what I planned on doing. I had saved these pre made smores the entire week and really wanted it right then and there. So what did I do? I had it.. Do you see a pattern in my decision-making? lol. So I was talking to my mom and she interrupted and said, should you be eating that? 

Fuck. I literally snapped. This is probably the 3rd or 4th time she’s made a comment like this, however it’s usually when I really shouldn’t be eating it (during contest prep). So I suppose I could understand.. but what the f u c k ? It kind of hurt. I ended up trying to explain how I felt and she got weird and didn’t understand so I walked out and called her a fucking asshole. 

 

1. Yes I was wrong for calling my mother an asshole.
2. This exact question, from her and an ex boyfriend, has started binges. Consider it a “trigger”.

 

We pretty much didn’t talk all night. I think she texted me something but my phone ended up dying. I passed out trying to charge my computer so it could charge my phone.

Saturday Morning..

.. I woke up feeling pretty good. I made breakfast, and cleaned up a bit. I had plans to go to Ribfest with a few friends but it was still pretty early (damn you internal clock). So I ended up putting a blanket outside and trying to tan. About 15 minutes in he calls me and I plan to leave within the hour. Everything pretty much goes as planned. I get to his house and we take the convertible down towards the city. tragic wasn’t that bad but I was stoked to be in the sun tanning with the top down lol, so I could care less. We see a carnival on the side of the highway and I made a comment about exes saying they’d win me a bear but I end up winning it myself. So what did he do? Took a detour parked the car and we didn’t leave the carnival till he won me a bear. Oh and eat a funnel cake too. So we hoped back in the car, got to the fest and pretty much gained weight. We ate fried oreos, ribs, more ribs and more bbq lol. After we walked around a bit, he got a few calls to go to the race track in Joliet. We dipped and ended up staying at the track for at least 5 hours. We drank margaritas and I ate someones french fries.. and popcorn. lol. Blahblahblah we end up driving home but ended up stopping at a friend’s house to drink. And drink I did. 

 

Woke up in a bed on..

Sunday AM..

.. Up early as hell no hangover. Success. 11am his friend calls him to go with him and his gf to breakfast. We drive about 20 minutes to a breakfast place named Ellies (no pictures because phone was dead). I think it would have been a lot better had I known what the ingredients were like. They were fresh but wasn’t expecting it. Like for example I ordered a skillet with green pepper… however they were the huge peppers and not cut down (they were literally the size of a mini twix lol)… but then I took no joke less than 10 bites and I was full. I was just dehydrated like a mother fucker. So I just chugged diet coke and water (bad idea btw). We leave and get dropped off not knowing what are plans were next. I sit in the backyard and put suntan lotion on. He gets a call and we roll over to his friend’s house. Sun tanning and drinking for hours. It was so chill. Literally stopped everything to go to Trader Joes for Mochi balls.. lol…. I think in total we had like 8 boxes.. They were defiantly weird lol. After we bail we go back to his house and sit and chill till I realize that I wanted Cold Stone. So what did we do? We got Cold stone lol. Fuck yeah.

So. that was pretty much straight my weekend. Now.. this wasn’t anything special.. No, I didn’t win the lottery or get a new car. I didn’t work out once and I ate like shit the entire weekend (no I do not recommend this. One or two cheat meals a week. NOT cheat DAYS!) Yes, I wasn’t AS comfortable and no I didn’t really want to walk around in a bikini, but for once I wasn’t constantly thinking about fitness, the gym, working out or fucking protein powder. I was LIVING. As simple as my weekend was, it was unbelievably relaxing. I felt like I took a mini vacation from myself.

First Shit Show of the Summer.

Where do I even begin?

What was suppose to be a mini 3 day vaca, couldn’t even start off on the right foot.

 

For the most part I will just post pictures (even though I don’t have many because my phone was always dead).. just because I don’t even know if words will or can describe this fucking shit show. 

 

So let’s start off with waiting for the boys to come scoop Marley and I up. Mom thinks it’s a good idea to start on about my relationship with one of the boys I have been “seeing”. I know I haven’t been open about my personal life but when its necessary I will. With that being said and without saying much, she kind of started bashing him. Ok, so I wouldn’t say “bashing” but not talking positively about our little so called “relationship”… okay fuck it, she thinks that since we are having sex that hes using me. Ok granted in most of my past relationships I have been used (and have been the user so I am no pocket of sunshine) but what she doesn’t know that if I didn’t want the sex I wouldn’t have it. Is it that hard to comprehend? The sex is great and until further notice I will continue to have it. In NO way shape or form do I feel used. This guy (again, without even saying much) is just short of amazing. And since I now know that you read my blogs, I hope you’re blushing 😉 lol kidding but honestly I hope you know that I pray to God everyday, thanking him for putting you in my life. 

 

Okay okay okay.. exactly why I don’t get all emotional and shit lol because it sounds like that ^ ^ 🙂

 

So after our argument, blood was starting to boil…. walked upstairs to get the cage out of my room (for Marley) and I literally could not figure out  how the FUCK to tear it down.. I wanted to throw it out the fucking window. My mom started getting pissed because she said it sounded like I was going to come thru the ceiling so I said fuck it and left it. Now.. maybe I should let it be known that I have always have problems managing my anger and just scream and swear and act immature as a way to cope. I have learned that this is not a healthy way of living. Trust me. 

 

So as hot tempered Marissa bitch fitted her way out the door, the boys roll up. Now.. we rented a car for the weekend because we were bringing up two dogs and a shit ton of….shit I guess (fishing poles food coolers ext) and again… 2 fucking pit bulls lol. Okay.. so they roll up.. I start putting my shit in the car and we try to get the dogs in there as well.. Well….. that didn’t work out as well as I had planned. At this point.. with the littlest shit pissing me off, I didn’t even want to go. Not to mention guess who was sitting in the SMALL ASS backseat with 1 huge pit trying to bang my baby girl THE WHOLE FUCKING TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

 

Fuck it.. not even that important.. I sat there quietly. Awkward. as. fuck. Until I realized that I wanted to drink. So I did just that. 3 hours later we pulled up to his house. At this point I realized that I needed to suck it all up for once and stop being such a gosh darn princess. We all unpacked and I made the boys peanut butter and jelly on my little bad ass sandwich grill lol.. So as we ate and drank we just chilled for a bit.

 

Fast forwarding to Saturday Morning..

 

..I impatiently wait around and before noon even hit we were in the car heading down to the water. We get into the water and we all start drinking (more so because I was freezing and the sun wasn’t out.. just like earlier where life sucked in the back of the car, apparently drinking solves problems)… a couple of bites later, the weather turned. Rain start pouring down and we headed back to shore. I was still sitting on the edge with my rod in the water… I swear rain helps fishers lol.. but it didn’t. No big deal. We head home, change and probably start drinking again. Later that night we headed to the casino and I pissed away a little bit of money.. nothing too drastic (but I can SURE as fuck see how people lose mortgages.. holy fuck).. So we all decided to sit down at the roulette table which had turned all digital, it was all touch screen. It was awesome. I sat by my dude for a bit and picked some numbers for him.. probably 20 minutes later Kornel put $20 on my screen and I started playing. I swear, INSTANTLY I was up at least double my money. I ended up walking about with $60 lol… not bad for nothing right? On our way back from the casino we stopped at this strip club that I had been to once before. Now granted I haven’t been to many strip clubs but this was like nothing short of a hole in the wall (speaking of random holes.. omg jk lol)… but just remember, I am in Wisconsin. LOL.
Here.. you weren’t suppose to take pictures but I clearly can’t follow rules…So that’s Teddy pretty much getting molested and loving it. I got groped by a stripper and my boobs were taken out and fondled. lmfao. so dirty idk wtf was going on. We leave the strip club, and we run into a younger guy (early 20’s ??) walking with a cane. I don’t know how this all started but we all got to talking. Long story short he pretty much got jumped (a pussy way of beating the crap out of someone), and it left him paralyzed. Holy fuck I know I am a bitch, but I cry like one too. I swear I could cry at the drop of a dime. sometimes, it sucks lol. But my heart dropped.. I felt so fucking bad. After we all keep drinking till the bar closed, we headed back home. The car ride back got pretty heated though. I swore at his friend (teddy) and pretty much didn’t hold back when he started saying shit I didn’t like. Clearly I was drunk so I don’t remember what was said I just know that when I get passionate about something (or feel that someone is being disrespected) I have NO problem letting people know whats up. I just don’t think being ignorant/disrespectful/hurtful is anyway shape or form is something to be proud about. I have hurt so many people in the past, that I am ashamed of it and hope that I am doing a better job not even for myself, but because of the pain I have brought on to so many people. It’s disgusting to even think about.Anyways lmfao.

blahblahblah I don’t remember anything after the car ride… soooo moving on lol..

 

Sunday Morning..

..and I am up before anyone else..aaaaaaaaaaagain (745am exactly lol). wait and wait and wait….teddy wakes up…waiiiitingggggggggggggggggg. I get annoying and wake Mike up. I keep lying to everyone and telling em its later then it really is and that we are pissing away our vaca hours! lol. I honestly dont care what people think of me anymore (I think I pissed both his friends off at some point, AND him now that I think about it lol)… so we pack up the booze and the rods and errrrybody and head out (not even 11am lol), we stop at the gas station and pick up some chasers and the boys all got cigarettes (btw 5 months CLEAN BITCHES!!) lol.. so we all start to head out and we hear something drop off the boat when Mike veered off the road a bit. Later we find out its my bowl that I have had for years.. literally years. lol. Super pissed (well kinda..shit happens).Sun is shining, boats in the water, drinks in one hand, fishing poles in the other.

We all have a good time, drinking and fishing.. Jumping into the water, falling into the water all for a few hours (besides waking up in the morning, this entire weekend I never actually knew what time it was lol).. So the sun was shining, temperature rising to the high 90’s.. Apparently I got drunk and passed out and now I have incredible sun burns.. oh.. and bruises. Words cant describe them and actually neither can these pictures because my bruises are BAD (falling into the water and boosting myself back up are the only things I can think of as to why I look like I got my ass beat). lol. So Sunday night was nice, we all chilled a bit, drinking more lol.. (don’t remember anything late night though)..

Monday Morning..

..I wait and wait and wait for people to get up. Teddy and I say fuck it and go and try to find my bowl on the side of the street. We pull up and park and as soon as we get out of the car I have 7 mosquitoes on me. 7. Fucking so fucking stupid. What the fuck. I was so annoyed all weekend because of these damn mosquitoes lol.

 

So as you probably could of guessed, we didn’t fucking find it. whatever. Just add it to the reasons this was a stupid shit show.. I don’t know a lot of these details lol so I went and asked this boy (enter smile here), and as what I waited to say happened Monday actually happened Sunday…. so lets back track.. blahblah were back to Sunday..

 

I happen to like this boy. We are nothing official unless Facebook adds a Friends with Benefits or Best Friends who are having sex button or “title”. I am okay with this. I actually PREFER this. YES ladies and gentlemen, I prefer this over being in a relationship. I am not going to get sappy or tell you how I don’t guys (Lol.. its true, but I also just don’t like people in general) <– true as shit and maybe I will post a separate blog as to why I wish I could keep the things I want and get dropped off on an island by myself (and the things I choose ect)..

 

..anyways another disclaimer/reminder? I AM AN EMOTIONAL ASS FUCK!

 

okay well.. that and I am very intuitive.. it’s almost scary sometimes. That being said I went thru his phone. I have never wanted to do it.. EVER. I can’t even explain why I did it. Well I happened to see texts from him and another girl (same girl we bumped into when I was out with him for his friends birthday), going back and forth about how he still loves her and how I am just a friend. Now.. I had NO right to do what I did (let this be known). I KNOWINGLY thru away trust and respect when I did that, but no joke.. Something inside me,  felt like I had to. Seek and you shall find.

 

My heart hit the floor. After all the conversations we had had, HE (out of all people) does this to me..? It was a slap in the face.. more like a spit in the face rather. I left the messages up of where it said he still loved her and set it on the table, plain sight, out in the open, the first thing he will see when he opens up the door and follows me inside. I meet him outside on the verge of a panic attack.. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I was 3 and 1/2 hours away with no reception. I wanted to throw up. I looked at him and calmly (legit calm) told him that I was going into our room and how I didn’t want to be bothered for the entire time. He looked at me, back down (probably because I wasn’t hyperventilating  like I wanted to, or screaming and slapping him in the face).. I swear sometimes I think I am psychotic. He was confused until after I told him I didn’t want anything to do with him, then I think the confusing got worse. I walked away and shut the door to our bathroom and sat on the toilet. I had NO idea what the fuck I was going to do. Had this been done in Illinois I would have NEVER spoken to him again. This is no way short of the truth, I am THAT stubborn. So I sat there, he came in, phone in hand. I don’t remember much of the details but I have never called someone a scumbag as much as I did that day. FUCKKKKKK was I hurt. He tried explaining, and I’ll cut this shit short, I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt. His logic only made sense to him, and as I tried explaining it I think he understands where I’m coming from. You don’t tell an exes best friend that you’re still in love with her and either a. think that wont be repeated or b.make her stop texting you? I don’t know and I don’t care, (To him: you’re only hurting yourself in the end babe..if you love her fight for her. No joke loves hard to find)..

 

 Okay so..that was like the cherry on top.

 

..Now you may be confused on why I was even pissed in the first place because I did this to myself and he really didn’t do anything. I mean I AM just his friend.. but the whole love thing…. again that’s not something you throw around. If it didn’t hurt me it should hurt the other ears listening. I would NEVER tell someone I was still in love with them if I didn’t mean it. THAT shit breaks hearts.. so do you get where I am coming from now? I mean 5 years he spent with this girl.. 2 months later we started “talking”.. shit has been great no bullshit no drama then this shit? And after my mom mentioned something to this extent MINUTES before he came and picked me up? Fucking weirrrrrddddd. Lol. But everything happens for a reason. Not even those weird signs but just the fact that this happened in Wisconsin. Like I wish all of you readers knew me on a personal level just so you know how I view life because I really am trying to be passionate about LIVING that I don’t DEAL with “drama”. That shit doesn’t phase me. You know why? I don’t allow it too. Yes shit pisses me off but nothing I can’t handle. So after that, probably countless apologies later, shit was like that never even happened..back to MONDAY.. shit was fine. I bitched some more about being hungry that they eventually got up and headed out to breakfast. Since we were already in bumble fuck we had to drive probably 15-30min away just to find some food (lol), not to mention it was memorial day… lol.. in Wisconsin wheres there like 2 McDonald’s in the entire state, we pull up to some breakfast place (kinda super excited only because small hole in the walls, unlike strip clubs, are fucking awesome) “rumored to be the best breakfast in town” (uh well no shit Sherlock you’re the ONLY breakfast place in town)… whatever. LOL. Teddy and I walk in while the other boys smoked a cig. Lady took awhile to even notice me, so teddy went and smoked a cig too.. She acknowledged me and then sat me. They all sat down and we looked over the menu which was awesome. lol I wanted EVERYTHING. I ended up like wanted a “Denver Scrambler” (actually spelled scramblee and realized how close the r is to the e and decided to correct it because y’all would just think I misspelled it and now know they did not name a scrambler a scramblee lol). It was Ham Onions Red Peppers and Cheddar Cheese. So when it was my time to order, I wanted that scrambler with Sausage instead of ham. She told me that I cant substitute the scramblers. I don’t know why but I said okay and someone else ordered. As I was scrambling around I wanted a different “scrambler” (wasn’t technically a scrambler but I forgot the name) and figured that I just couldn’t substitute but I could take out. So it had mushrooms and beans, but everything I wanted, I didn’t even want to add anything and she told me I couldn’t even do that…. blood fucking boiling. I had been hungry for the past 3 hours and now this waitress is making me look like a retard. So pretty much if his friends weren’t there I would of walked out. Again, no joke. She pissed me off that much. At first ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS CHANGE HAM TO SAUSAGE. Are you shitting me? Then ALL I WANTED WAS TO TAKE 2 INGREDIENTS OUT!!! Lmfao. God forbid. At that point I didn’t even want to eat I was just so fucking annoyed. Lol. Holy shit balls get me home.We stayed around for a little bit (sleeping, drinking ect), then started playing Frisbee. Time started to pass and it was already 6:30pm.. Teddy was going to stay (so he was getting tipsy) and we decided that we needed to leave soon. We packed up and cleaned the place up a bit, while Kornel was telling Teddy he’ll drive his car (FUCK YEA! Meaning I didn’t have to sit in the back with 2 dogs, sober and sun burnt as hell. NO FUCKING THANK YOU ). We got our shit in the car and headed out. About an hour and 1/2 later we stopped for food and I swear it was the best part of the trip. I need to go to AW again. Hamburger and chili cheese fries (and CHEESE CURDS HOLY FUCK) needs to be in my belly again. After that, another 2 hours later and I was passed out in my bed. Sun burnt but alive.

 

 

Day 35 youngwildfree

so I am continuing last night over here because I didn’t arrive home till 7am….

So after everyone got a couple drinks down everyone started to loosen up a bit.. I don’t think I laughed that hard or that much in such a long time.. I def needed it…

Nikki and I

Well everyone is kind of an idiot (mostly co workers here lol) so we just do dumb stuff (like at work, when its your birthday you get tied up in duck tape…. yup!) any who.. there was a 2 person bike and we were told we had a mission to accomplish.. I actually of video of this whole thing and its fucking awesome.. too bad I don;t know how to post video and second I laugh and sound like a retard..

But we were told we had to bike to this bar down the street take a shot (car bomb) and then get one to go..

The bike we took for our mission. 

 Car Bomb To Go Please 😉

I successfully did this.. and you hear it in the video.. you also hear:

me laughing uncontrollably..
saying something hurts over and over..
I had to pee really bad
Some dude watched me pee and
I was not afraid..

Yeah no idea… you just hear me say “I’m not afraid” lol.

Nikki and Mike

Anywho that was pretty interesting.. I don’t really remember much of the night.. besides the pictures that I took. Well listen to this..

So we are driving home, the sun is coming up.. I am sprawled out on the passenger seat, fully reclined, backwards.. yes.. My head was where you put your ass.. lol i was so comfortable.. let me tell you. THAT I DO remember lol.. well we were getting closer to my house and I realize my phone wasn’t working, figured it was just dead.. Well I plugged it in before I hopped in bed and just passed out.. Didn’t set an alarm, I figured I had only 2 hours of sleep I didn’t know fi I would make church or not.. ( I woke up at 11am.. which TECHNICALLY was 10am, which is when church starts, but since day lights savings time, I ended up waking up when it was ending :() any who..

11am Lost an hour of sleep.. so technically 10am… Got home at 7am…. 3 hours of SOLID sleep, woke up just fine..
Made a protein shake. Myofusion (probiotic or whatever? tastes like shit), banana and almond butter ice water.

I realized my phone wasn’t working.. nothing I would do to it would start it.. (and I have had my fair share of broken apple products) so I ended up making an apt for the north brook apple store (closet one, and thank god I made an apt)…

So I drive all the way to apple by my work, and as Im turning into the parking lot my phone turns on by my jiggling the button a little bit.. so I was like wtf.. should I even go in the mall (i have a shopping problem) but I said fuck it.. might as well just tell them I won’t be coming, so got out and entered north brook court…
As I am walking, half way to Apple my phone turns off again.. and won’t turn back on.. awesome.
Walk into the store, give my name and instantly is helped. Drew helped me actually.. and he had swagger.. random detail but it was cute.. he brought it into the back and came out maybe 5-8min later and said it was completely fried. fucking fuck….. yeah..
So $250 later.. have a brand new WHITE iPhone S this time.. I knew I was eligible for an upgrade so it wasn’t TOO bad, but def wasn’t looking to spend that much money considering I just spent a little over $100 the day before.. So money is BACK to being tight lmfao….. UGHHHHH

And here the bottom picture is the phone actually picked up a charge.
And now I have 2 iPhones…..

BUTTTT THE CAMERA IS SSSSSIIICK!!!! Seriously IN fucking LOVE. It takes some of the nicest pictures.. I also picked up another iPod.. just a shuffle though.. only $50.. yeah i guess I didn’t NEED it but it was only $50 more lol and instead of using my iPhone for music and getting it all sweaty might as well suck it upp..

Yeah.. so blahblahblah

Go to H&R block they helped me out. Taxes are sent.
Visited a mattress store and the lady was SUPER helpful. Family owned, priced a Queen mattress for $450-
Mom later texted me about someone in my brothers apt selling a mattress for 80$ might go pick it up tomorrow. It is really nice..
Went to Jewel for a few things.. If  I wasn’t broke enough.

Got my pineapple
Meat
Bananas
Onions
Drinks and strawberies 🙂 just a little pit stop..
Lol no I didn’t get the oreos.. thought it would be a cool picture……&&

SAW THE CUTEST PUPPY EVER!!!!

Headed home FINALLY!! and to think I was hungover and got all this accomplished! Made a delicious steak and corn before working out..

Left for the gym I don’t know what time actually, did bi’s and tri’s wasn’t a bad workout actually.. Didn’t do core, because I left Marley home alone.. then I realized i left the dryer running too.. and was imagining the worst!!!! :(:(:(:( But came home, made a shake, for the protein lol made it again (rather just added a scoop of whey) and now I am here haha..

Post Workout Shake.
Pineapple
Chia seeds
Vanilla Whey P Powder
Oatmeal
Coconut Milk
Coconut Oil
Ice

OH Also made a pizookie yesterday made out of chickpeas.. Here is the recipe.. Turned out just fine.. WAYYY better warm though, and if you can make the ice milk I think it would be even better.. My sister didn’t even know they were made out of chickpeas..

Pumpkin Chocolate-Chip Pizookie

(gluten free!)

Obviously inspired by the Deep-Dish Cookie Pie.

• 2 cans white beans or garbanzos (drained and rinsed) (500g total, once drained)
• 1 cup quick oats
• 1/4 cup pureed pumpkin (or butternut squash or sweet potato)
• 2 tsp pure vanilla extract
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 2 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1 and 1/2 tsp cinnamon
• 3 T canola oil (or coconut oil)
• 1 and 1/2 cups brown sugar (You can try adding less sugar, if you’re used to healthy desserts; I chose to use this much because the people to whom I served it are used to “normal” desserts. Also, white sugar will work if you don’t have brown. Also: I know some readers have successfully made my original pie with agave.)
• 1 cup chocolate chips

Blend everything (except the chips) very well in a food processor. (Blend until it’s super-smooth.) Mix in chips, and pour into a pan. (I used a 10-inch springform pan, but you can use a smaller pan if you want areally deep-dish pie.) Cook at 350F for 35 minutes. Let stand at least 10 minutes before removing from the pan.

If desired, you can top this pie with Vanilla Ice Milk.

But the pizookie is so soft and so sweet and so gooey that it really doesn’t need any toppings at all.

Here is my picture lol.

Still tasted good though..

912pm My stomach hurts so bad… I don’t know what it is.. I think I need to lay off the flax and shit because my stomach is in knots…

Gonna go make some food in a bit…. then head to bed. Finished laundry chilled for a bit, now its getting close to my bed time… Btw taxes STILL DIDNT GO THRU!!!!! dumb fucking idiots.

Goodnight ❤