just a little update..

I have been waiting to write for the last couple days now.. Been a little busy at work with one employee banging his back up pretty bad. For the first day — seemed to be fine. I did as much as I could to make sure everything went smoothly but it wasn’t till the second day that —- was gone that shit started to head south. — ‘motherfucked’ for a while and the day slowly moved along. By lunch, everything seemed to cool off a bit. So with having to be alert 24/7 I haven’t been able to sit down and just write.

A little life update, kind of a big deal.. got reconnected with my old best friend about 2 weeks ago. Met up and have been working out together ever since. Things literally seemed to have picked up EXACTLY where they had left off. It’s pretty awesome. She is actually a huge reason that I am able to say that I FINALLY got my mojo back 🙂 Have been actively working out and eating good and super excited about it. I feel as if this all just needed to happen and everything did, all at the right time.

Even though I am not there yet, it makes it so much easier going through this journey with a support team.. with good people. That is what I have to be thankful for, the people in my life. My old but totally new best friend, my boyfriend, my mother, and now my sister. Life is slowly, but surely getting better.

I am getting better 🙂

Ashley and I at her Mothers surprise 50th bday party!

Making Dashing Dishes S. Potato Apple Fritters

Lunch yesterday..

Another lunch @ work!

A regular potato with bacon bits AND GREEK YOGURT!!

Banana Split protein shake this morning ❤

First picture is of Ashley and I last weekend. She planned her mothers 50th birthday party and it went extremely well.  Super proud of her 🙂

The next couple of pictures are of the recent foods I have been eating. I tried to make Dashing Dishes Sweet Potato Apple Fritters. They weren’t bad but I think I need to try a different apple. I used honey crisp which is my favorite to eat but was a little dense for this. The next picture is of a chicken breast and Brussels Sprouts the boyfriend bought me for lunch. I had kept the carbs out because I had eaten 6 mini Charleston chews the night before (ALL BECAUSE MY BABY DIDN’T TAKE THEM WITH HIM!! haha).. The pasta in the next picture is brown rice pasta. I also made meatballs to go along with it. Basically just ground beef onions cheese and a smokey mesquite seasoning. The picture after that is of two nights ago’s dinner with the boo. We grilled some chicken and skirt steak with some asparagus. We enjoyed regular potatoes and was definitely a treat. I haven’t had a potato outside from being a sweet one, so this was awesome. To make it even better I added bacon bits and guess what? Greek Yogurt. It was amazing. I even had the fam try it and they were even impressed. Last picture is of today’s protein shake. I call it a banana split because of the bananas strawberries and chocolate protein. I added some oatmeal and flax seed as well. It’s literally one of my favorite flavor shakes.

So basically I am trying to consume all WHOLE foods. I did eat a couple pieces of fiber toast a day or two ago but besides the list of ingredients, the macros weren’t bad at all. With the good diet, I have been doing cardio for at least 60 minutes 5 days a week. I just started lifting again after doing a week straight of cardio. It just helped me ween back into everything, as does having a cardio buddy which helps to stay sane on those machines for so long haha

Leaving for Wisconsin after work tonight.  Going to have to get creative with the working out (because you know.. fishing is so strenuous..haha and I suck at running)… but I WILL be on top of my consumption of food.  This is a HUGE deal for me because I know Ill be drinking. But I will also just enjoy the time I have with the boyfriend. Not beating myself up anymore then I already have.

Loving Living Laughing, that is all 🙂

… oh and cuddling the fuck out of my little girl.

Leaving with a recipe from Dashing Dish. It isn’t private so I am allowed to share this recipe.. a simple but oh so fricken healthy version of apple crisp. Don’t mind if I do.

Ingredients

2	Medium apples of choice, cut into small cubes, (peeled if desired)
5 pkts or 1/4 tsp	Stevia or 2 tbs sweetener of choice
1 tbs	Low sugar maple syrup, honey, or agave nectar
1/2 tsp	Cinnamon
1/4 tsp	Pumpkin pie or apple pie spice
Pinch	Salt
Topping:
1/2 cup	Old fashioned oats (gluten free if sensitive)
1/4 cup	Oat flour (oats ground in blender or food processor)
1/2 tsp	Cinnamon
1/8 tsp	Salt
1/4 cup	Packed brown sugar or sucanat 1
2 tbs	Cold butter (I used Light Smart Balance)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Spray two individual ramekins with cooking spray (or a small baking dish or pie pan).

2

In a medium bowl, mix together the apples with the syrup, stevia, and spices.

3

Meanwhile, in a small bowl stir together the topping ingredients until crumbly.

4

Place apples in baking dish(s) and sprinkle the crumble over apples. Bake for 30-35 minutes, or until the topping is golden brown.  Serve warm with low fat whipped cream if desired!

Jamie Eason Recipe.

Lemon Protein Bars.

Ingredients:

• 1 cup oat flour
• 2 scoops vanilla whey protein
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 2 qt mix Crystal Light (preferably without aspartame)
• 4 egg whites
• 1/2 cup Splenda, Truvia, or Ideal
• 8 oz baby food applesauce
• 4 oz water

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Mix oat flour, vanilla whey protein, salt, baking soda and crystal light, in large bowl.
3. Mix egg whites, Splenda, applesauce and water in a bowl.
4. Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients and mix together.
5. Spray 8×8 glass pyrex dish with non-stick butter spray.
6. Pour ingredients into dish.
7. Bake 23 minutes.

Makes 16 squares, 2 squares per serving.

Even though I am a little pessimistic right now, I can’t take it out on my fellow followers.. so here is Jamie Eason’s Lemon Protein Bars. She is amazing in every way! Check out the bodybuilding site for more recipes from her 🙂

http://www.bodybuilding.com

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!

So I am officially 23 years old 🙂

Here is a recipe that suits today pretty darn well from Chocolate Covered Katie.. I wonder if she knew it was my birthday… 😉

Birthday Cake Reeses

For the cake layer:

• 2 tbsp coconut flour (or another flour) (19g)
• pinch salt (1/16 tsp)
• 1/8 tsp baking powder
• 4 tbsp water (use much less if using a flour other than coconut flour)

For the filling:

• 1/4 tsp pure vanilla extract
• 2 tbsp cashew butter (or nut butter of choice)
• 2 tbsp milk of choice
• 1/2 packet stevia or 2 tsp powdered sugar (omit for a less-sweet result)
• optional: sprinkles

For the chocolate coating:

• 1/4 cup plus 1 tbsp cocoa powder (25g)
• 20-30 nunaturals vanilla drops or 3 to 4 tbsp pure maple syrup or agave
• 1/4 cup liquid virgin coconut oil (Or omit these first three ingredients and simply melt 1/2 cup chocolate chips instead.) (58g)

Make the chocolate coating by stirring ingredients together. Spoon just a little of the chocolate into the bottoms of cupcake liners, mini cupcake liners, or candy molds. Then freeze 8-10 minutes. Meanwhile, combine all cake ingredients in a small bowl and microwave 2 minutes (or more or less, depending on your microwave’s wattage). With a fork, break cake into tiny crumbs. In a separate bowl, combine filling ingredients and stir well. If your nut butter is from the fridge, you may have to microwave a little so it’ll stir more easily. Take liners out of the freezer and top each with filling, then sprinkle on some cake crumbs. (You won’t use anywhere near all the cake crumbs, but I thought this was easier than giving ingredient amounts of 1/64 tsp!) Cover with the rest of the chocolate, and freeze until solid.

 

I’ll make them this weekend for when I really celebrate my birthday.. not this tuesday bullshit. Have a great day followers!

Chia Seeds.

In my eyes I’ve failed miserably. Won’t go into much detail but I’m past uncomfortable weight wise. It’s time to get my ass in shape. Literally.
From the late night cat fishing bar food to the donuts I ate on our 3 hour car trip back.. or our spot at buffalo wild wings.. I’m no where near how I want to look.. but I think this part of my life has been given to learn patience acceptance and to learn to live it.

Didn’t get up early to do cardio.. had a little mishap with leaving car keys inside the car this morning but no biggie. Took a little longer then expected and didn’t even manage to get them out lol but I was able to make a protein shake with the samples I bought online (metobolize nutrition is the brand). I wanted to try out the flavors before I spend another $50 on a jug of protein and yet so far I haven’t tried any flavors I liked.. the chocolate cake was crap, so was the banana creme. Only one I am looking forward to is the peanut butter cookie one 🙂

So I had the protein shake, brought a sweet potato left over steak from last night, some greek yogurt and Ezekiel bread with PB.. I am usually good with eating every 2 1.2 to 3 hours but with the weather being so hot and me not feeling good I skip a meal at work 😦 which is no bueno.

On another side note if anyone actually reads this is EAT YOUR CARBS! I am no longer afraid of them like I once was.. As long as their GOOD carbs (unprocessed unrefined NATURAL).. Sweet potatoes, Brown Rice (cakes, rice and pastas), Whole Wheat (pastas and breads <– first ingredient HAS to be whole wheat).. and as long as you USE them (being inactive eating healthy could still catch up to you.. a calorie is a calorie).. you’ll be fine. If you want to tone, lighten up on the carbs but don’t take them completely out of your diet! Pleaseeeee don’t. Take out fruit before you take out carbohydrates.

Back to me.. obviously..

MY BIRTHDAY IS IN A WEEK!!!!!!!!!

Excited but not. I don’t know lol. Taking it one day at a time. Hopefully I get my head out of my relatively large ass and will get my shit together soon.

Now here is a little online find.. Chia Seed Recipes.. Everyone always asks where I put chia seeds.. mine have always been in my protein shakes.. but clearly there’s more to them then just blending them away..

Chocolate Chia Protein Pudding

Ingredients:
Serves One

1 1/4 c. almond milk (or milk of choice)
1 scoop chocolate protein powder
1 c. frozen strawberries
1/2 frozen banana
1 tbsp. cocoa powder
1 tsp. xanthan gum (optional – adds thickness)
1 tbsp. chia seeds (plus more for garnish)
1 large handful fresh spinach

Directions:
Pour almond milk into blender and top with remaining ingredients. Blend on high until smooth, thick texture is achieved. Pour into a bowl, garnish with chia seeds and enjoy.

Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup Protein Pudding.
Full of healthy fat and protein, this creamy, peanut buttery pudding has some serious staying power and tastes like an indulgent dessert.

Ingredients:

2 tbsp. chia seeds
½ c. milk
2 tbsp. peanut butter
½ scoop chocolate protein powder

Directions:
Combine chia seeds and milk and let sit for about 15 minutes, until mixture begins to thicken. Stir peanut butter into chia seed mixture. Stir protein powder into chia seed mixture until fully combined.

Peanut Butter Banana Chia Seed Roll Up
This roll up is the perfect breakfast for those on the go! With no cooking or time-consuming prep work involved, a wholesome breakfast is served in two minutes flat!

Ingredients:
Serves One

1 whole wheat tortilla
1 ½ tbsp. peanut butter
1 banana
½ tbsp. chia seeds

Directions:
Spread  tortilla with peanut butter. Place banana on the one side of the tortilla and sprinkle with chia seeds. Roll tortilla and banana until the banana is completely wrapped in the tortilla. Enjoy!

Banana Bread Chia Seed Mini Loafs.
The addition of banana to these mini loafs makes them both moist and flavorful. Bake two mini loafs and freeze one for later, or give one to a friend or coworker to share the love!

Ingredients:
Makes 2 full mini loafs or 3 smaller loaves

¼ c. whole wheat flour
1 c. all-purpose flour
½ c. sugar
¼ c. brown sugar
½ tsp. baking soda
½ tsp. cinnamon
¼ tsp. salt
1 tbsp. chia seeds
1 egg
1 ½ ripe bananas, smashed
¼ c. canola oil
1 tsp. vanilla extract

Directions:

Preheat oven to 325 degrees and spray two mini loaf pans with cooking spray. Beat sugars, egg, oil and vanilla extract in a large bowl. Once sugar mixture is combined, beat in bananas. In a separate bowl, combine flours, baking soda, cinnamon and salt. Slowly beat flour mixture into sugar mixture. Beat in chia seeds. Pour batter into two loaf pans. Bake for approximately 40 minutes, until the tops of the loaves are light brown.

Chia Seeds.

Benefits of Chia Seeds:

1. Helps Stabilize blood sugar and reduce junk food cravings – Remember the picture of the gel around the chia seed in our picture above? The gel forming is due to soluble fiber in the chia. In your digestive system, this gel actually slows down the conversion of carbohydrates to sugar, thus helps to stabilize  blood sugar. By eliminating the peaks and valleys of your blood sugar, you get a more consistent energy level and reduced cravings.
2. Help your concentrate and improve your mood- Chia is an excellent source of Essential Fatty Acids, which are critical for concentration and other brain functions.
3. Energize now, Sustained energy later! -Chia has great nutrients like proteins, essential fatty acids, antioxidants, and fiber, and complex carbohydrates to energize you. Chia can provide good stamina and energy over time due to its slowing of the sugar conversion mentioned in point 1. In fact, it has been called the runners food and was used by the Aztec Indians for long distance runs and endurance.
4. Fills you up – Chia seeds actually swells in water and help to make you feel full and potentially eat less. Take a look at the chia seed picture again and see how much each seed actually swells in just a ew minutes
5. Lower your cholesterol and heart health – Remember what is causes chia to swell in water? Chia is high in soluble fiber. Soluble fiber has been shown to help lower cholesterol.
6. Digestive Health – Chia has both soluble fiber (which forms the outer gel), and insoluble fiber. Both types of fiber are healthy for the digestive system. The insoluble fiber helps cleans the intestinal tract. The soluble fiber can act as a probiotic and help feed the good bacteria in your digestive system.
7. Help build lean muscle mass – Chia is high in protein and helpful in a weight loss or muscle building diet. It is even low-carb and vegetarian.
8. Get Better nutrition from other foods – Remember the gel in point 1? Well, by maintaining the proper level of hydration and electrolytes in your stomach you actually optimize your bodies ability to effectively absorb other nutrients. Also. the essential fatty acids in chia help the body emulsify and absorbs the fat soluble vitamins A, D, E, and K.
9. Build strong bones – Chia not only contains calcium, but it also contains the trace mineral boron, which speeds the rate at which calcium is absorbed and utilized by the body.
10. Healthy nails, skin, and hair – Remember that chia seeds are loaded with over 60% essential fatty acids? Not only are they good for your mental clarify, those same essential fatty acids help skin, nails, and hair grow strong and healthy. They are also a great source of protein, which is essential to grow healthy hair, nails, and skin.
11. Maximum hydration – Chia is said to help maintain hydration which can be helpful for endurance athletes. Pre soak chia seeds before your workout and consumption.

Stolen from NutritionTalk.com

(Healthy) Apple Pie Pancakes!

Apple Pie Pancakes

(Can be gluten-free!)

Inspired by these guys.

• 1/3 cup flour (ww pastry, white, spelt, arrowhead mills’ gf mix, etc.)
• 2 T rolled oats
• 1/2 cup finely-chopped apple
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• 2/3 tsp baking powder
• 1/8 tsp salt
• 1 tsp pure vanilla extract
• 1 T sugar or 1 packet stevia (omit if you don’t want sweet pancakes)
• 1/3 cup nondairy milk (or more, for  thinner pancakes)
• If you don’t like the taste of fat-free pancakes, add 1 T oil or vegan butter, and reduce milk by that amount

Combine dry ingredients in a bowl, then add wet. Mix, but don’t over mix. Cook on an oiled (or sprayed) pan, on low-medium, flipping each pancake once.

 

I wonder if I could just put these in a muffin tin.. or a bundt cake tin..hmm.. guess and check eh? I steal all my recipes. I am not clever enough to come up with my own.. lmfao… this one is from chocolatecoveredkatie 🙂

 

Work outs and eating healthy/clean is still going strong. I have a boat party coming up in a few days downtown Chicago. A shit ton of people and me in a bikini. Awesome. Don’t know how I feel about it, but I sure as fuck will let you know when the day comes. My abs are coming back and I see definition in my legs (WHICH IM FUCKING STOKED ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), so my goal of being in tip top shape come my birthday looks like a good game plan (birthday is August 14th, a little less then a month). I am excited to see how I look. I haven’t done much cardio except last night I struggled with completing 45 minutes on the stair master.. but yep.. 45 minutesssss. Usually can finish 60 but I was DRENCHED. I was suppose to do yoga and cardio with a friend but shit got weird and then my phone died 😦 No bueno. Regardless, I had to do SOMETHING.. I wanted to kill Hams today and my upper body was sore as fuck for some reason but I know that if I don’t work do cardio in the early morning Friday that that will have to be a rest day because I am going to the race track 🙂

 

Here have been a couple meals & snacks I’ve had lately:

Apple Pie Quest Bar

I really haven’t portioned anything out or cut out fruit (because of the sugar).. I am learning to eat CLEAN (cept maybe that bratwurst lol).. I am not restricting myself anymore.. I don’t think I am doing a competition for awhile till I relearn how to eat. lol. But honestly a lot of my binges and my outbreaks have been because I chose to label food as good and bad. Now its healthy foods, whatever it is. Fruits galore (I love my fruit), almonds, Ezekiel bread whatever I want as long as its not processed or fast food. I don’t or haven’t thought about binging in forever.. I actually cant even remember the last time I did. I feel awesome. I feel proud 🙂

 

(Paleo) Spinach & Artichoke Recipe

So today is Monday. The day EVERYONE and their mothers promise their going to start the “healthy lifestyle”.. now I am in no way saying this is wrong.. (because I have a thing with starting on the beginning of the week too..).. just pointing out that it’s SUPER common.. Probably why everyone hates Mondays lol. But I love them. Monday marks a whole new week to be productive (my weekends consist of cooking and sleeping), and usually is my Leg Day =D

 

I see so many people giving up, rather giving IN to processed and sugar induced comas because of one excuse after the next.. but healthy doesn’t have to suck (and if it does that’s your own fault).. what I am saying is this lifestyle isn’t hard, but it’s sure as fuck not for everyone (some people don’t care, some people say fuck it after not seeing results after years worth of damage ect)… So do what you can, the littlest things DO and WILL matter.. Choose wheat over white, make your own burger at home, drink diet over regular.. something.. ANYTHING!! It will ALL make a difference, I promise you.

 

Now with that being said.. lets do this guys! Here is a great paleo recipe for the ever so loved Spinach and Artichoke Dip.. Instead of that bullshit you get when you eat out, enjoy it but without the guilt!

 

Paleomg.com

 

(HEALTHY!!) Spinach & Artichoke Dip

Prep time: 10 mins

Total time: 10 mins

Serves: 2-4

Ingredients

• Version 1 (no cheese)
• 2 (14oz) cans artichoke hearts (mine were in brine), chopped
• 16oz frozen spinach
• 1 cup cashews, roasted and unsalted
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 1 tablespoon garlic powder
• 1 teaspoon onion powder
• 1 teaspoon dried basil
• 1 teaspoon sea salt
• 1/2 teaspoon black pepper
• 1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
• Version 2 (with cheese)
• all of the ingredients above
• 2 ounces goat cheese at room temperature

Instructions

1. Add frozen spinach and artichokes to large saucepan over medium heat and sprinkle with just a bit of salt.
2. While your spinach thaws and artichokes warm up, pull out your handy dandy food processor.
3. Place cashews in food processor and turn on. Grind until your cashews become a flour then begin to pour in your olive oil until you get a creamy consistency. Kind of like a super creamy cashew butter.
4. Once your spinach is completely thawed and it’s all good and warm, drain the excess water from your saucepan and add spinach and artichoke to a large bowl.
5. Add your creamy cashews and seasons to the bowl and mix thoroughly.
6. Serve with sweet potato chips or veggies!

Stolen from Paleomg.com….. again… FUCKING love this girl! Super stoked to make this. Seems so easy and I am in love with this dip.

The Food Log

830am Protein Shake (Dymatize Protein, Whole Milk, Strawberries, Hemp/Chia and Flax Seeds).
11am Ezekiel Bread (1 Slice) w/ 1TBS Peanut Butter.
1pm My homemade spaghetti and meat sauce (ground turkey).
330pm Chicken/Beef Kabobs w/ corn and broccoli.
630pm Pre Work Out- 1/2c Oatmeal w/ 1/2 scoop protein powder.
930pm Post Work Out- Protein Shake w/ Oatmeal and 1/2 banana.
11pm POSSIBLY a casein shake =D

The Work Out

LEG DAY– I just decided!

 

The only thing I am sure of is my 100 weighted lunges. I do 5 sets of 20 lunges (weighing from 40lbs to 80lbs).
But I will for sure be squatting, dead lifting and using the Leg Ext (<– fave exercise) fersure.

 

Enjoy guys!

 

Learning How to Live.

“If you make failure an option, it becomes a possibility“

So it’s been a couple days since my last post, and even more so a few days since my last work out. This whole trying to find a balance in my life is actually working out pretty well. I originally set out with a 8 week challenge for myself. I have been doing pretty good with the exception of the July 4th holiday. Usually I would be obsessed about getting a workout in before I went out, but I didn’t even think twice. I literally just enjoyed the time I had off with the people that legit make me happy. I watched what I ate (when I did eat yikes!), but didn’t hesitate to eat burgers and fries in the ghetto off my boys truck of his car 🙂

I am trying this whole enjoying life type thing, with a little less of my compulsiveness and although I am not as lean as I’d like to be, I am comfortable. Don’t know if I could say that if I was put in a bikini (holding water weight under my ass).. but we’re working on it!

&& another thing to note. Yesterday was 1 year that Chris was taken from us. I think about you a lot and I pray that you re in a better place. We ALL miss you Chris. You are a beautiful soul.

Food Log:

Protein Shake && Snacks for the Day!

830am Dymatize Protein Shake (w/ Strawberries, Chia/Flax/Hemp seeds, Ice and Water).
1030am Ezekiel English Muffin w/ 1 TBS PB.
1pm Blackened Chicken Breast w/ Brown Rice.
330pm Chicken Breast Salad (olive oil), w/ 100 calorie pack of almonds.
6pm Pre Work Out (Haven’t decided yet).
9pm Post Work Out Protein Shake *MAKE SURE YOU EAT COMPLEX (or even simple carbohydrates) POST WORK OUT* MUY IMPORTANTE!!!!!
11pm If need be (you never know how late I may stay up).. Casein Protein Shake or cottage cheese and a few almonds.

The Work Out:

Doing Back today, but I really want my ass back and my legs to be as toned as they should be. SOOOO with that being said.. I think I may do 50-100 lunges a day, regardless if I am lifting legs that day (I train legs 2x a week).

My main exercises for back are Lat Pull downs, Chin/Pull Ups, and a shit ton of rows (uni lateral, bent over ext). I do want to add in Good Mornings (also a hamstring exercise, but the way you bend and keep your back straight does WONDERS, and you really feel it in your back).

Good Mornings

Lat Pull downs 4 x 70+ x failure (= 4 sets of 70+ in weight, till failure).
Uni- Lateral Row 3 x 35 x 12-15 reps
Lunges 5 x 15 (each hand) x 10-20 reps
Good Mornings 3 x 30 x 10 reps
Assisted Pull Ups 3 x 120 x 10 reps

So, as you can see I am back on track. I enjoyed my few days off and can’t wait to get back in the gym. I don’t realize I miss the gym until I get in there and do work. I will finish my workout with some interval training on the treadmill. I am trying to work on learning how to run. Yes, LEARNING how to run. Excited for the next 4 weeks (until my birthday), and see how much I can change my body. I’ve decided not to eat cheat meals (only missing 4.. whoopdedo).. but I will keep fruit in my diet (for the natural sugar), and start baking again 🙂 There has been a LOT of recipes that have looked really freakin’ interesting and I am super excited to try them. I will post my favorites 🙂 Like this one..

Cocoa Crispy Treats =D

Recipe & Picture from Chocolate Covered Katie

(can be gluten-free!)

Recipe inspired by these babies.

• 3 cups rice crispies (I used gf brown rice crispies)
• 2 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
• 1/2 tsp salt (I used salted pb, too)
• 1/2 cup plus 2 tbsp nut butter of choice (For lower-cal option, see calorie link below.)
• 1/2 cup sticky sweetener ( (I used agave. For low-sugar options, see calorie link below.)
• optional: 1/4 cup cocoa powder (or your favorite chocolate protein powder)
• optional: melted chocolate to drizzle over the top

Mix your pb (or other nut butter of choice), sweetener, vanilla, cocoa, and salt. Melt (either in the microwave or stove), then pour over the cereal and stir very well, making sure to coat all the crispies. (For a richer chocolate taste, try subbing chocolate chips for some of the cocoa powder.)  Form into balls or line a pan with wax paper and spread the mixture evenly into the pan. Place a sheet of wax paper on top of the mixture, then press down as firmly as you can. Really press it down! Freeze for at least a half hour before slicing.

 

Enjoy!

**** yeah.

So I know it’s only Wednesday but I am already excited for the weekend.. Regardless I still have a few days to go, so I suppose I should enjoy now, well.. right now!

 

Well first things first.. Yesterday was officially my first day back (in the gym) in 5 days! It didn’t go as planned but I still felt exhausted after it. People kept staring and my clothes were too tight.. and it was fucking hot.. and I was only getting hotter lol.. So I ended up just doing 3 or 4 shoulder exercises. Went as heavy as I could though.. So that is always a plus. I do want to mention to  jlgentry that I did a mile in just under 14 minutes (granted the first 2 minutes I walked).. but I started getting bad cramps .85 of a mile in lol.. At that point I knew I wasn’t going to handle going for much longer.. but a mile was SO CLOSE!! So I kept going.. Had too ..Pain is temporary –> failure is forever –> failure only occurs when you give up  = Don’t give up.… Right?

 

..any who.. I finished and walked on an incline for the remainder of the time. BUT I DID IT!! haha.. Yeah I could of probably kept going but I was trying to focus on anything but these damn cramps. My right calf started first, which I could handle.. but the stomach cramps are the worst.

 

Besides the gym, I have been doing really good with my eating. However like I mentioned in an earlier post that I am allowing myself whatever I want. I know the consequence.. and if I want it that badly, ill deal with it later. But for right now… it is working PERFECTLY! I am even starting to see my top two abs again (FUCKYEAHWHATUP!) and again, haven’t been to the gym in a week 🙂 So… with that being said I had 2 chocolate chip cookies last night. Lmfao. I was only going to have one but my mom randomly barged in my room and brought 3 more in for dude and I.. (awkward).. but I ate another one but left one (yes.. you read that right.. I LEFT A FUCKING COOKIE UNEATEN! Unfuckingreal. lol). I didn’t really think twice like I normally would. I remember years ago when I was working at  X Sport Fitness.. My mom had made cookies and I ate one.. or two probably.. okay 3 or 4 knowing me.. and immediately I went to the gym to burn it off. Fuck that. Never again do I want to be like that. Talk about hating yourself and I was fucking ruthless.

 

So I wanted to find a healthy PB cookie recipe.. and while I’ve been excited about the weekend and getting back into cooking and baking and shit, I saw on CCK’s blog a recipe for skinny vanilla cupcakes. They looked so cute unfrosted.. see:

 

 

Skinny Vanilla Cupcakes

(makes 9-10 cupcakes)

Or click if you’d prefer: Chocolate Cupcakes.

• 1 cup spelt flour, or white flour, or Arrowhead Mills gf mix (145g)
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 2 tsp ener g powder (or 1 flax or chia egg)
• 4 tbsp xylitol or sugar (54g)
• 2 Nunatural stevia packets (or 2 extra tbsp sugar)
• 1 tbsp pure vanilla extract
• 1 cup plain or vanilla yogurt of choice (Silk or SoDelicious both work) (230g)
• 1/4 cup milk of choice (subtract 2 tbsp if using the flax or chia egg) (60g)
• 3 tbsp coconut or veg oil (can omit, but the cupcakes will be a bit gummy) (36g)

Preheat oven to 350 F, and grease muffin tins. Combine all dry ingredients in a bowl, and mix very well. In a separate bowl, combine all wet ingredients and stir. Pour wet into dry, and mix until just combined (don’t overmix). Cook 18-20 minutes, then let sit at least 10 before removing from muffin tins.

Okayyyy so they still look fanfuckingtastic.. but what about with Reese’s Frosting from CCK?

 

Reese’s Pieces Frosting

 

(Yields almost 1/2 cup)

• 1/4 cup peanut butter (or other nut butter)
• 4-8 tsp pure maple syrup (click for a sugar-free alternative)
• 2 tbsp cocoa powder
• 4 tsp milk of choice (or more for thinner frosting)
• 3/4 tsp pure vanilla extract
• optional: handful of chocolate chips (the “pieces”)

Blend everything (including chips, if using) in a small food processor or Magic Bullet. If you have a bigger processor, it might be best to double the recipe so everything blends more smoothly. Best to store uneaten frosting covered in the fridge.

Or what about making my own cool whip.. Hey have I ever mentioned this before? Leave a open can of full fat coconut milk in the refrigerator overnight.. scoop the clear liquid off the top.. add vanilla.. coconut shreds (if you wish) and stevia..blend.. and there you have whipped cream!!!

 

Now do you see why I am so excited?

 

Oh.. another reason I am excited.. I AM NOW A SPONSORED ATHLETE FOR A NUTRITION COMPANY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Hell yeah.  Will go into further detail a bit later..

 

Life is going and I’m going with it..with a huge (mother) fucking smile on my face.

Some sort of growth, right?

“When I see these pictures I often find myself thinking, what else have they had to give up in order to attain that physique? What relationships have suffered? What other areas of their life have they not had the opportunity to cultivate? What would that person ever do if circumstances (such as age, illness, some personal tragedy) turned the tide and they couldn’t maintain that image anymore? Would their identity be lost? Would others no longer be impressed by them?”

I recently saw this on someones blog, and holy cow.

I haven’t thought about my life without fitness or a healthy lifestyle till I came across that paragraph and wow was I lost for words.

My life has consisted of years of self abuse. Eating disorder after eating disorder. Diet pill after diet pill. Work out after work out.

This is all I know. I know weight loss. I know self hate. I know unhealthy. I know healthy.

Now.. I don’t know a life without constantly thinking about working out, hating myself, and food as much as I’ve lived this one. lol. Whatever I am doing.. surfing the net, posting fitness tips, pinching extra fat on my things, looking in the mirror, smelling a bomb ass slice of pizza, salivating over pinterest.. literally.. not a day.. not an hour.. not even a min goes by without me thinking about “fitness”.. So what would happen? What would change if I no longer could do the things I do on a day-to-day basis? What if I couldn’t work out?

The only thing I can pinpoint that I know 100% to be true.. is as long as I didn’t put on weight (or get what I feel s my uncomfortable zone) then I would try to make the best out of the situation.. but if the weight starting creeping and I wasn’t able to be active I think would ruin me. The idea of me being fat… FEELING fat hurts my heart. No joke.

Actually writing this out makes me sound selfish. Fuck. Seriously.. lets move on..

SO reading this on Friday guess what I did?

I had one of the best weekends of my life.

It didn’t start off so well but it definitely made me realize that I wouldn’t be lost without my fitness lifestyle.. that’s not something I focus on. It is literally my outward appearance. I NEED to look good (or at least THINK I look good lol). I like seeing collar bones and broad shoulders. I love having an ass but a flat stomach. I want my legs more defined… bigger even. Before I wouldn’t IMAGINE being “thicker” (I fucking hate that word). But in reality this is comfort. Healthy IS happy.

So, since I really don’t want to make this super long I won’t go much into detail (I ramble anyways so feel free to speed read).. I got home friday night knowing I wasn’t going to work out. I wanted to rest so that’s exactly what I planned on doing. I had saved these pre made smores the entire week and really wanted it right then and there. So what did I do? I had it.. Do you see a pattern in my decision-making? lol. So I was talking to my mom and she interrupted and said, should you be eating that? 

Fuck. I literally snapped. This is probably the 3rd or 4th time she’s made a comment like this, however it’s usually when I really shouldn’t be eating it (during contest prep). So I suppose I could understand.. but what the f u c k ? It kind of hurt. I ended up trying to explain how I felt and she got weird and didn’t understand so I walked out and called her a fucking asshole. 

 

1. Yes I was wrong for calling my mother an asshole.
2. This exact question, from her and an ex boyfriend, has started binges. Consider it a “trigger”.

 

We pretty much didn’t talk all night. I think she texted me something but my phone ended up dying. I passed out trying to charge my computer so it could charge my phone.

Saturday Morning..

.. I woke up feeling pretty good. I made breakfast, and cleaned up a bit. I had plans to go to Ribfest with a few friends but it was still pretty early (damn you internal clock). So I ended up putting a blanket outside and trying to tan. About 15 minutes in he calls me and I plan to leave within the hour. Everything pretty much goes as planned. I get to his house and we take the convertible down towards the city. tragic wasn’t that bad but I was stoked to be in the sun tanning with the top down lol, so I could care less. We see a carnival on the side of the highway and I made a comment about exes saying they’d win me a bear but I end up winning it myself. So what did he do? Took a detour parked the car and we didn’t leave the carnival till he won me a bear. Oh and eat a funnel cake too. So we hoped back in the car, got to the fest and pretty much gained weight. We ate fried oreos, ribs, more ribs and more bbq lol. After we walked around a bit, he got a few calls to go to the race track in Joliet. We dipped and ended up staying at the track for at least 5 hours. We drank margaritas and I ate someones french fries.. and popcorn. lol. Blahblahblah we end up driving home but ended up stopping at a friend’s house to drink. And drink I did. 

 

Woke up in a bed on..

Sunday AM..

.. Up early as hell no hangover. Success. 11am his friend calls him to go with him and his gf to breakfast. We drive about 20 minutes to a breakfast place named Ellies (no pictures because phone was dead). I think it would have been a lot better had I known what the ingredients were like. They were fresh but wasn’t expecting it. Like for example I ordered a skillet with green pepper… however they were the huge peppers and not cut down (they were literally the size of a mini twix lol)… but then I took no joke less than 10 bites and I was full. I was just dehydrated like a mother fucker. So I just chugged diet coke and water (bad idea btw). We leave and get dropped off not knowing what are plans were next. I sit in the backyard and put suntan lotion on. He gets a call and we roll over to his friend’s house. Sun tanning and drinking for hours. It was so chill. Literally stopped everything to go to Trader Joes for Mochi balls.. lol…. I think in total we had like 8 boxes.. They were defiantly weird lol. After we bail we go back to his house and sit and chill till I realize that I wanted Cold Stone. So what did we do? We got Cold stone lol. Fuck yeah.

So. that was pretty much straight my weekend. Now.. this wasn’t anything special.. No, I didn’t win the lottery or get a new car. I didn’t work out once and I ate like shit the entire weekend (no I do not recommend this. One or two cheat meals a week. NOT cheat DAYS!) Yes, I wasn’t AS comfortable and no I didn’t really want to walk around in a bikini, but for once I wasn’t constantly thinking about fitness, the gym, working out or fucking protein powder. I was LIVING. As simple as my weekend was, it was unbelievably relaxing. I felt like I took a mini vacation from myself.

Tequila Tuesday!

Okay, no tequila for me.. but for the guys at work it is!

on a different note..

I feel like I had a lot to say (and was excited to say it) but now I don’t remember any of it. Maybe because I am going back and forth with some jerk off via my work email. Told me I have “no right to be answering phones” because in the end of it all, we figured out hes asking the wrong company (us) for money. Now that’s my fault how? lol

Any who FINALLY FUCKING SORE!!! Hell fucking yes! Legs last night were KILLER. Literally shaking, then cramping so I couldn’t go as heavy as I’d like on the leg ext. No big deal. Completed 30 min of cardio though 🙂 Oh! I think the next blog or two is going to be about my eating schedule (macros broken down), but also with all the products I use and which companies ext. I find a lot of cool shit on the internet (because I have nothing better to do), and I shop online ALL day.

The Food Log

9am PBJ Quest Bar
12pm Chopped salad with grilled chicken from Portillos
3pm Chicken and Mix Veggies
6pm Hmmm.. I brought Ezekiel pasta with ground turkey burger… but I don’t know how I feel about this being a pre work out meal.. hmmm…
9pm (Post Work out meal) 1 slice of Ezekiel bread, Greek yogurt, and almond butter
12pm Casein Shake

(Had one last night too. I knew I’d be up later then 9pm lol).

The Work Out

BACK ATTACK!!!

Super excited for back today. I wanted to get it as close to Quad day as possible (you use your back in most exercises pertaining to you hamstrings, so I don’t want to be sore when it’s time to lift them!!)

Focusing on form, and engaging the core. KEEP YOUR CORE TIGHT! If you constantly thinking about keeping your belly button towards your spine, your posture will better and your core WILL strengthen.

Lat Pull down
2x12x70lbs
1x10x80lbs
2x8x90lbs

Unilateral Row
4 sets of 10-12 till failure

Lawnmowers

5 sets
Max 15 reps. Up weight as needed.

ABBBBBBSSSSS (Can’t wait for these babies to be back!)

Recipe of the day:

From ChocolateCoveredKatie’s blog (I love her)!

1 Minute Coffee Cake

For the batter:

• 3 tbsp spelt flour (or white. For gf: a commenter had success with 1 tbsp rice flour and 2 tbsp almond flour.)
• 1/4 tsp baking powder
• 1/16 tsp salt
• 1 stevia packet (or 1/32 tsp pure) or 1 tbsp sugar
• 1 tablespoon plus 2 tsp water
• 2 tsp oil or melted margarine or applesauce (I prefer the oil/margarine, but that’s simply because I’m not a fan of fat-free baked goods.)
• 1/4 tsp pure vanilla extract

For the streusel: (If you like a lot of streusel, feel free to double all ingredients below.)

• 1/8 tsp cinnamon
• 1 and 1/4 tsp sucanat or brown sugar
• 1/4 to 1/2 tsp oil or melted margarine (once again, use applesauce if a fat-free version is desired)
• tiny, tiny pinch salt
• 2 pecan halves (or walnut halves)

(If using an oven, preheat to 330 F.) Combine batter dry ingredients and mix well. Add wet and mix until just mixed. In a tiny bowl, combine all streusel ingredients. Fill a greased muffin tin 1/2 way with the batter (or a ramekin or mug, if using the microwave). Sprinkle on two-thirds of the streusel, then spoon the remaining batter on top. Finally, sprinkle on the rest of the streusel. Cook 12-13 minutes in the oven, or around 1 minute in the microwave. (Microwave times may vary.)

Super fucking excited to try this recipe. I won’t make it till this weekend but for all of you lovies, here it is! This is what I NEEDED!!!! I could eat a whole coffee cake from Corner Bakery. Wow. Let’s google it and actually see the nutrition facts:

One slice of Corner Bakery’s Coffee Cake has 770 Calories 310 Calories from fat, a whopping 108 grams of carbs and 61 grams of sugar. Holy Fuck. And to think I wouldn’t. LOL.. Would not think TWICE about going back for seconds or even thirds. No lie there.

Sad huh? I think when I start thinking about things in a “bigger picture” type way, I see it differently. I have seen myself do this lately with money, but lets keep it weight related.  A pound of fat is 3500 calories. If I were to consume roughly 4 and 1/2 pieces of Corner Bakery’s Coffee Cake, that would equal 3500 calories. Now this isn’t taking into consideration other food you MAY consume, or exercise. So if you eat more after those 5 pieces, and decide you don’t want to work out, watch the lbs add on quickly!

..and to think I use to eat 2 or 3 candy bars in A SITTING! Literally a king size twix, maybe a 500 calorie brownie here, an oreo milkshake there. Holy. Fuck. My mom was right. I SHOULD weigh 200+ lbs. Unbelievable. And now I have to “punish” myself to get where I SHOULD be. I shouldn’t look/feel this way. I feel fucking GROSS!

😦 Subject change please!!!!!!

I like nice people. lol. Honestly, niceness goes along way. I just had to take a car over to alignment a few blocks from here. A little miscommunication and technically I was stranded there. I called Mike to come grab me but he wasnt answering. Ron just told me to go. Like kinda yelled then told me to wait then was like GO GO GO .. okay. So I went. He was like.. youre dropping the car right? nope.. I was by myself.. so the owner was like just take my car (knowing my boss he would of been like, I told you to drop it off.”.. but he really didnt. But see? He didnt need to do that. What a geniunely NICE guy. I miss you guys.. where did you all go?