No negative nancy over here.. finally.

So with all my depressing posts lately I figured I’d switch it up a bit.. Things are going well (besides all my bullshit drama I create for myself) for a change.

My progress at the gym is getting better and better. Probably because the more leaner I get the easier it is for me to stay motivated. I had a long talk with my IG friend Jenna about getting upset when were working out when we feel disgusted with ourselves. I cant tell you how many times I have walked out of the gym, how many times I’ve cried at the leg press or how often I looked in the mirror and instantly became depressed and ruined my my motivation to continue. I’m not exaggerating either.. I have stopped mid set and walked out because my legs looked huge or my pants were too tight and my “muffin top” was noticeable. Then when anxiety sets in it becomes a nightmare and  may or may not turn into a binge that day, but it sure affects my attitude and my self worth. It’s a sad cycle to live, trust me.

However I think I’m over that phase right now ( I say right now because I have been doing this for the last 4 years) because I’m starting to see my progress. My legs are thinning out and I can feel my abs stubbornly trying to show. I have been eating pretty clean but allow myself to steal a french fry from my boyfriends plate or eat a serving of sorbet every now and then just to enjoy this whole process. I’m a sugar fein so giving myself a treat here and there is always nice. ( Speaking of being a sugar fein I allow all types of fruit in my diet I will only cut it out when I’m training for a show. Fruits can have a high carb count and be loaded with sugar but when I get crazy with working out anything whole natural and organic are all allowed).

I posted this picture yesterday on my other accounts and have been asked what my routine is.. So lets take a gander.. Lately I have been doing full body workouts however, I usually split it up by each body part training legs twice (a separate day for quads and another for hamstrings) but the thing that does stay the same is how I lift. I don’t train with a spotter but I try to lift as heavy as I can all the time unless I am super setting to exhaust my muscles (ie doing DB Bicep curls then taking a BB half the weight and knocking out as many reps as I can till failure).

I do about 200 weighted lunges a week (again I train legs twice a week so each session I do 5×20 lunges). I squat a lot and as heavy as I can (front squat sumo squat errrythangg). I also use BW squats and lunges as my active testing. Meaning in between reps I’ll knock out 20 body weight squats. I don’t have a rep or set scheme I tend to get unmotivated if I have a goal of 10 and I can’t reach it so I usually always go to failure. If the reps become too easy I up the weight

For cardio I spin (bike) the stair master (don’t hold on!!!!!) and always an incline on the treadmill. Cardio times always change depending on my mood and how hungry and cranky I am however I don’t do less than 30 min (unless I’m super uncomfortable). During contest prep it’ll range from 30min to 2 hours (spilt up into 2 sessions of course).

My “diet”:

My eating is pretty basic. I eat anything whole, natural and unprocessed.

Carbs: Brown rice oatmeal sweet potatoes regular potatoes whole wheat pastas and Ezekiel bread.

Protein: Ground turkey ground beef pork chicken. Any kind of protein rather  regardless of its fat content (everything in moderation).

This is what our date night always consists of… MEAT!

Any and all veggies and fruit!

Every Morning I have a protein shake with fruit and flaxseed. On Occasion I add 1/2c oatmeal to the mix. It’s easy convenient and usually tastes amazing (I use Dymatize Iso in Chocolate but currently have Gourmet Whey in strawberry banana and its awful). When I get hungry or about 2 1/2 hours later I will snack on either Greek Yogurt (Brown Cow is great and has the least amount of calories compared to Fage. Calories are important but I don’t count them its just why eat something I can consume for 1/2 of the calories and it tastes the same?). I have 100 calorie packs of almonds (because I could eat nuts all damn day), or maybe a serving of applesauce to hold me over. Next is usually a bigger meal around lunch time. It ranges from WW or Brown Rice pasta and ground turkey to Chicken Brown rice and broccoli. I sometimes get creative and make meatballs or something else but these are super simple to make and it is something I fall back on because I actually enjoy both dishes). Post work out I will have another meal containing protein (I don’t focus too much on the carbs here unless its leg day. Otherwise if I’m in the mood or just a little more hungry Ill eat a piece of E. Bread with PB). However when it comes to Post Workout a carb is SUPER important (its what makes you grow!!), as is protein so I’m sure to take in both. If I am up for more than a few hours after that meal I will consume a casein shake (casein protein digests at a relevantly slower rate which is great while you sleep).

Post Workout Smoothie made with greek yogurt instead of protein powder.

Until contest prep I have 1-2 cheat MEALS (NOT DAYS!!!) a week, where I have basically whatever I want for 1 meal. I also eat a lot of nuts (almonds cashews) and peanut butter on occasion. The thing with food is the less processed the better for you. “Dieting” isn’t fun, but changing your lifestyle can be. Granted I don’t eat out at McDonald’s or consume high amounts of bad fat on the daily (lets face it carbs fat and sugar taste like the devil!) but I do enjoy the foods I eat to maintain the body I want. You just have to prepare yourself first mentality. Start with goals and work towards them and get up and move!

Like here.. shes my motivation.

The hardest part is starting but you have to at one point right? My motivation comes from feeling uncomfortable in clothing which really puts me to tears. Though I have no one to blame but myself it’s a hard pill to swallow. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed life isn’t as easy as people make it out to be but once you start seeing progress you’ll get more and more excited to be a healthier you. The rewards of being happy with yourself is a prize within itself

Bulk now, Lean later.

It’s come to my attention that people actually read my blog. I mean I know they did bu..nevermind. One of my lovely followers on Instagram (@maristheshit) last night commented about reading my blog regarding “bulking”.. It was a straight sweet thing to read but I got nervous… I write with no filter, no proofreading and am constantly saving after each paragraph interrupted by work (its my fault, im blogging during work hours meh)… It’s really my fault and not making enough time to sit down and produce a well versed or put together blog piece.. but I think of this as more as my fitness journal/journey documented via the computer. It’s shows a look into my life and how each part of my day revolves around my road to self acceptance.. from recovering disordered eater to a fitness competitor. So I apologize if I sound like a complete twat sometimes.

..on to the actual reason of this post.. I wanted to actually EXPLAIN what bulking is by definition but want it to be known of how I do things.. my way of course..

Bulking is by Urban Dictionaries definition:

Bulking is a process commonly used by an individual wishing to gain weight. Commonly used in bodybuilding (Off-Season) but will also be used by fitness enthusiast. Bulking attempts to build MUSCLE MASS

Simply it is an attempt to eat a healthy diet to gain weight, whilst minimizing fat gains. The basic principle of bulking to to consume more calories than you expend. Typically a bulking diet will consist of around 6-8 meals per day, spread out every 2-3 hours. A cleverly structured diet will show the breakdown of carbs,protein and fats. Typical bulking calories usually range from around 3000 to 6000 and should be tailored to the needs of the individual and specific goals.

 but overall by defintion:

 bulk  (blk)

n.

1. Size, mass, or volume, especially when very large.

2.

a. A distinct mass or portion of matter, especially a large one: the dark bulk of buildings against the sky.

b. The body of a human, especially when large or muscular.

3. The major portion or greater part: “The great bulk of necessary work can never be anything but painful” (Bertrand Russell).

4. See fiber.

5. Thickness of paper or cardboard in relation to weight.

6. A ship’s cargo.

v. bulked, bulk·ing, bulks

v.intr.

1. To be or appear to be massive in terms of size, volume, or importance; loom: Safety considerations bulked large during development of the new spacecraft.

2. To grow or increase in size or importance.

3. To cohere or form a mass: Certain paper bulks well.

v.tr.

1. To cause to swell or expand.

2. To cause to cohere or form a mass.

adj.

Being large in mass, quantity, or volume: a bulk buy; a bulk mailing.

Phrasal Verb:

bulk up

To gain weight by gaining muscle: dietary supplements that helped the weightlifters bulk up.

 

Bodybuilding.com
.. actually a fantastic site for the “bulking” phase of this lifestyle show a few steps that caught my attention..

3. Eat Enough Calories To Grow But Don’t Get Sloppy

You will most likely gain some fat when bulking. In order to gain muscle you have to eat more calories than you burn and doing so can lead to some fat gain. Some people try to stay shredded while gaining muscle by either not eating enough calories or doing too much cardio. Doing so may allow them to stay super lean but they won’t be gaining much muscle. At the other end of the spectrum some people eat everything in sight to get as many calories as they can. This strategy will definitely lead to weight gain, but a lot of that weight will be fat and not muscle. The best approach is to eat sufficient calories to gain muscle but don’t get crazy with your eating and still doing some cardio to maintain cardiovascular health.

4. Do Some Cardio While Bulking

I recommend doing 2-3, 20-30 minute sessions of cardio each week while bulking (ideally on a non-weight training day) to maintain cardiovascular health and keep you fit. Cardiovascular training improves the heart’s ability to pump blood and increases oxygen uptake into cells. Strenuous weight training can be aerobically taxing and therefore having an efficient, strong heart will allow you to train harder. In addition, a fit person burns more fat at rest than an unfit person, so doing cardio while bulking can help keep you lean.

Read the rest of the article here:

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/top-10-rules-successful-clean-bulking.html

Now.. What I am doing:

How can I explain this. When you work out you have to take into consideration that you will be burning calories **(okay it also depends if you half ass shit alright? That’s why its the best to get a heart rate monitor to track JUST how many calories you are burning. It makes that much of a difference in the long run. Have you ever seen the number of calories you burn when you run on the treadmill?? Yeah now practically cut those in half and that’s your real number of calories burned. The only cardio equipment I see that’s SEMI accurate is the stairmaster and the spin bikes.. So if you don’t understand why you aren’t losing weight, its because calories are calories no matter what. If you’re half assing your workouts but eat like you ran a marathon.. it’s going to catch up to you)** Sorry about that.. so although my heart rate monitor is sitting on my desk (my spacecaseself just needs a battery.. what the shit.. lol that’s it!) Any who, I can guessitmate the amount of calories I burned and can alter the amount of the food I consume post workout (yes this is NOT accurate.. obviously)… but I don’t always have a good workout and I need to take all of that into consideration. Shitty workout usually = shitty amount of calories burned =less food to refuel..  I have been doing this for so long that once you get the hang of it you almost don’t even have to measure anything (off season of course, competing really does get down to a science).

..With that being said, I am consuming a lot of carbs. Bulk now, lean later! I have a banana in the morning with possible oatmeal (besides my regular protein shake). I have rice cakes throughout the day, and greek yogurt with grapes on occasion. I eat brown rice for lunch and possibly a carb pre and DEFINITELY post workout. I am also lifting HEAVY and burning many calories during a workout. I use the food to FUEL me and my workouts, then feed them after wards to they gain some shape. Once I have “filled” out, whenever I see the most progress, I will start upping my cardio and taking out foods one at a time. It may decreasing a meal in which it has carbs (never on leg day though. Leg days I EAT unless last week post comp).. Whatever it is, the longer I train and pretend to compete I will soon see my abs again..(and I can’t fucking wait). Another huge thing is you may feel uncomfortable, clothes might not feel right, may at times feel “fat”.. Like right now.. I feel bloated as hell and I just feel swollen. Like all over..Every where. lol. But it is what it is. I just have to be patient, and know that the more cardio I end up doing the leaner I will get but in good time. It’s all about calories in versus calories out and being smart about it. I want to see the kind of shape I can put on my legs and I will continue to eat and lift to do so. I think they have some potential.. ok ok.. I think I have some potential 🙂

Definition of potential: existing in possibility : capable of development into actuality.

A little peak into my everyday life… Eating rice cakes sitting in traffic, stoked about leg day.. walking Marley and her being all cute and shit and ending the day with a fantastic dinner grilled by the boy.. Really finished off the night 🙂

Food Log:

Am: Protein shake with fruit probably (Dymatize, Flaxseed and Hemp).
1030: snacked on a rice cake with a few almonds..
Another snack: greek yogurt and 1/2 c grapes..
Late Lunch: chicken “fried” rice..
On my way home (post workout): Applesauce, A few rice cakes and some protein later on after I prepped my meals when I got home..
Post Workout: A slice of Ezekiel with Nuts n More Protein PB and a small banana..
Dinner: MEAT!

See so right now I am not watching what I am eating.. or at least the amount of which I am eating. Once I get closer and closer, like mention previously, that’s when things start getting a bit rough (early morning cardio, no more cheat meals.. you know, the basics! haha)..

Make the most, and Enjoy everyday!

Update!

2 months. That’s all I need. 8 weeks and I will be “show time” ready.

I usually hate putting time frames on crap but this one is for shits and giggles and to see how far I can really push myself.

Right now I am eating..
Carbohydrates: Oatmeal, brown rice, whole wheat pastas and breads and fruits.
Protein: Anything my little heart desires.
Fats: Nuts, Avocado, and some more nuts.

Closer to “show time”, I will reduce my carbohydrate intake and take out fruits completely.

I am currently doing no less than 30 minutes of cardio a day (right now doing 2x a day but that’s because I got all happy for a couple days lol)..
Lifting 6x a week. I split my workouts into body parts. Shoulders, Arms, Chest, Quads, Glutes/Hams, and Back. I try to lift as heavy as I can, when I can.

I am introducing more plyometric work rather then resting.. I’ll be doing “active” resting:

The term “active rest” or “active recovery” applies to training schedules used by athletes.  In the recent past, athletes were encouraged to rest completely after a competition or on a day off.  But newer research shows that engaging in low-intensity exercise during “rest” is better for maintaining fitness levels.  Low-intensity exercise flushes out lactic acid and delivers healing oxygen to the muscles.  Any activity that keeps the target heart rate in the 60 – 65% range is low-intensity exercise.

It’s a great way of burning more calories throughout the work out. It consists of A LOT of jump squats and lunges, burpees and bosu ball and box jumps.

I have been trying to run more but I will save that for a later date. Just been getting really involved with the spin bike but will be spinning, using the stairmaster, and the treadmill (possibly the row machine but not for much.. I get fed up and annoyed and fuck that).

As with my carbohydrates, the closer I get to my goal date, the more cardio I will do. It could be twice a day for up to 60 minutes, depending on how I look throughout this process.

Life Update:

Yesterday (tuesday), made a casein pb and chocolate cake for my pre workout. I think I was possibly craving this.. because I usually don’t have casein that early in the day but no big deal. Headed to the gym around 7:15pm and got straight to doing pull ups. I did a couple sets of these, at least 5. Did bent over rows, back ext, and some basic rows. Finished off with a solid 30 minutes of spin. My legs are really started to hate me, and have been sore forever. I don’t give them that much rest though.. I love working them!

..went to jewel, after my workout. Ate a banana in the car before I walked in though (now I make sure that I have SOMETHING to eat post workout if I know I wont go home right away).. Just shopped around for a few snacks. Here is what the shopping cart looked like:

Pretty light actually. I am super excited about the portable applesauce’s. They only have 2 ingredients (apples and cinnamon) and that’s it. Have you ever noticed that majority of applesauce’s have High Fructose Corn Syrup in them? Literally 4/5 times it has processed bullshit in it. Be careful. Also pretty excited for the ranch dip.. I am going to throw it in some greek yogurt and hoping it comes out well.. this could be a life savor lol… the rest of the stuff is just basics. Eggs, bananas, Ezekiel bread (however I like the english muffins more lol).. and some powerade (I am trying to get rid of my diet coke habit).  I realized that I really do get hungry through out the day.. and if something bad happens or something pisses me off I turn to food (or when the shop smells so fucking good because the boys are eating out), I turn to food. LOL. I fucking love it. All of it (okay no, I’m picky as hell..but seriously the food I like, I LOVE)..

..so much that my boyfriend actually tells me that’s when I am the happiest. Isn’t that something.. He can literally see a difference in me from when i’m doing nothing to when I am eating. Seriously?

However I enjoy my food now, eating healthy makes me happy. I like precooking meals and taking pictures of my snacks for the day. I am a loser in my own little way and I think I found people that accept that. This isn’t just a fad or something I am stoked about for the moment. This is my life and I will work each and every day to better myself and to help people along the way. I have so much that I want to do that I think sitting back and watching it replay in my head has done its job.. its back to business.

Today, Wednesday, I enjoyed a “banana split” protein shake.

Just add chocolate protein powder, flaxseed and ice 🙂

I have with me some greek yogurt and grapes, some almonds and a few rice cakes to snack on. For lunch I have my chicken “fried” rice that I will continue to eat till its all gone lol.. then I will make some dope pasta (possibly tonight for tonights post workout). I should be held over for the entire work day 🙂 I have a few extra carbs in my diet today because I am going hard on my legs tonight (lmao.. I NEEEEED too).. They feel all better but still get super worked up in spin class. I think I might take a few extra minutes and lay in the sauna for a bit. relax and sweat a bit 😉

&& guess the boy is coming over later. I have this thing.. where now I HAVE to work out first, in order for us to hang out lol. We’ll see how this goes 🙂 I just like to spend time with him 🙂 gushyyyyyy bullshit.. but for real. I am going to knock out a FANTASTIC leg work out.. walk on the treadmill for 15 minutes or so then head into the suana and get my ass home.
Ugh.. so not looking forward to legs being sore again.. lol…but I wonder how much I can squat..

If what you’re doing is not your passion, you have nothing to lose.

Agenda for Monday:

9-5pm Work
530pm Back Work out with Taylor @ X Sport in A.H
7pm Yoga

Marley’s Agenda for Monday..

Me leaving the house today.. I forgot my lunch box and gym bag in the car.

The Food Log

830am Quest Bar (Vanilla Almond)
1130am Greek Yogurt
2pm Chicken with Mixed Veggies
530pm Chicken with Broccoli
8pm Almond Butter on P28 Bread
11pm Don’t know yet.

The Work Out:

BACK ATTACK!

Focusing on:

Lat Pull down
Pullups
and Rows

LIFTING AS HEAVY AS POSSIBLE WITHOUT LOSING FORM!

PLUS +

60 Min of YOGA.. yep. Yoga.. wtf am I gonna do? Taylor is like a super star and my dog can do a better downward dog then I can.. Not to mention my legs are so fucking sore still that I look like I have a huge load in my pants. HA… this should be fun. OH and this is my past employer lol (I worked here for 4 years).. so that should add to the interesting part.

Goals for the next 4 weeks:

• Have a cheat (or 2) on the weekends ONLY!
• Gym session 6 days a week for 45-60 minutes of weight resistance training.
• Focus on growth not weight loss.

Don’t know how that last bullet will effect me. I really would LOVE to see my abs 24/7 but I also want defined arms and HUGE ass legs (not to mention, keeping my huge ass…ass). Pretty much meaning that I am going to lay off cardio a bit. I think I will do it if I feel like it (which is usually never, but hey!), but I won’t beat myself up over it. I will however, eat clean as shit. I want to see what my body is capable of. I want to stop with the excuses and stop with the dumb ass binges that happen every now and again. I think that since I am allowed back my fruits that it will subside any sugar cravings I may have. I honestly feel like that part of my life is gone. Yes I have consumed A LOT of food in the last week that wasn’t in any way shape or form good for me but I enjoyed it. I enjoyed every last bite. Yes I felt like shit afterwards and about 3 days after but I enjoyed it because I LET MYSELF! I need to learn to love myself regardless of a bloated belly or a significant muffin top. My weight doesn’t define me and as much as I am obsessed with fitness and health, I will never stray down the broken road of disordered eating again. I will never throw up or starve myself EVER again. EVER. Yes people call me obsessed and a fitness freak blahblahblah.. but they don’t know the battle I fought to get where I am. This is MY body, MY life and I will not stop the journey I am on, till I can HONESTLY say that I love myself with everything I have. Now please don’t take this like I want to be perfect, or I am striving for any of that sort, because that wouldn’t be fair. I want to accept myself as I better myself. I am doing this for me.

Day 23 idk wtf is going on.

 

I woke up at 6am. Wide awake because Marley wouldn’t stop licking me. but I was wide awake. So I got up. checked emails and shizznit. Then I did my daily get up.
730am finished my protein shake. this time i added the super blend food (hemp cacao and maca) and the pb2 ice and water) It was actually pretty good 🙂

oh and I snacked on the last 1/4 of the lemon bar. I also grabbed 2 cuties to snack on..  (they have seeds and they suck).

I’ve been snacking on fruit and  bc of the natural sugars, I don’t really crave anything.
1. don’t eat fruit past 11am  UNLESS u work out like i do at night, and this is because fruits do have alot of sugar, regardless if its natural or not. It still affects the body. So use up those carbs!
2. check on which fruits are the best to eat, bananas are great after a workout!**

952am Feeling good, super excited about doing Legs today. Focusing more on squats, lunges of course! Cant forget the calve raises either. Snacking on some Black tea, and a cutie orange 🙂 Have to head to whole foods again lol I FINALLY GOT PAIIIIDDDDD!!!!! haha and have to get chicken again. Seriously can I please get a discount or something?

1pm I left to go to Whole Foods and I stopped at the salad bar and I got SUPER excited. I decided I wanted potatoes, carbs starches ohhhh yeah LEG DAY BABYYY! Then I had fajita chicken (had cheese, yes I’m well aware I need to relax with this cheese kick here)…. and a LIL corn.. here is to prove it. And then I also got 2 pieces of blackened chicken. I only need one, but they looked SOOOOo good today! I was gonna get a almond butter, but even though Ill be burning a shit ton of calories later, I knew that my portion was a little bigger then I’m use too, so it’ll even it out with the snacking.

Mood: FUCKING AWESOME! I could use a power nap, obviously not possible but I could def use one. That or a massage. O M G. I cannot wait to get my taxes finished so I can have $$$ agaain! lol. I am very very excited about training today. Like I said early I’m focusing on squats today, I think I might want to try to go 3 plates on the leg press 🙂 that and lunges, leg exts and calf raises.

I do feel like I am getting skinnier, I JUST took a progress pic today, and it was before I had to pee and I really had to pee lol. regardless I still have a while, but I can only imagine what Im going to look like. I AM S T O K E D!.
I do feel/see that I’m holding water on my thigh under my ass cheek (cellulite), but that should disappear in a couple weeks.. Nothing to get upset about. I also know I looked skinnier when I’m tan and right now I’m pale as FUCK.  :(:( I also feel sexier when Im tan..

Anywho Im bikini shopping today. Just looking around. I found a suit I want for actual summer,and then im checking out ones for the show. Jennifer got back to me and said the white one would be for sale but not the coral which Im super upset about. So ill just have to find something similar.

I love the chain, this is the look I’m going for.  Not to mention gold looks awesome on tanned skin 🙂

For some reason Im digging this. I think it would really “pop”.. But I wouldnt do the strings on the sides, id do a black chain. I listed a picture of all the connectors I can choose from.  L-61c is nice

Obviously have to add a pink one in for good measure lol. I actually really like her connectors, that or I can do smaller diamonds.

See this and a silver chain? Sc-22 Down below \/ Love the zebra And the pink.

So I got home last night at around 530pm

I took Marley out and ate (kind of more then I should have but I was hungry.)

I had 2 LARA BARS (wtf) and some nut butter. Idk what the fuck is wrong with me and the worst part about it?? I went to lay down so I could wait for my mom to get here to watch Marley, we’ll I felt SUPER tired, not normal. Well guess what? I JUST WOKE UP NOW AND ITS 7am! I missed my fucking workout. and i don’t get to workout today because I have class. How fucking shitty. THAT or I go to Xsport the 24/7 gym OR I see what time LA fitness closes at. regardless I’m pissed. and now hungry again.

Sorry guys.

Day 17 There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.

— Beverly Sills

Hard work, dedication, and the ability to stay positive through ups and the downs.  No shortcuts.

If you can imagine it, do it. You will never regret it.

745am I’m running late, because I stayed up a bit later then I would of liked too.. I’m throwing on any clothes that I think would look reasonable and that actually match (I’ve walked out with 2 different boots before, luckily both were black). While I was getting ready I realized that I felt good. My sweater fitted a little looser, and my thighs look like they are thinning out. I mean.. I would hope I see results considering its been 2 weeks.

HOWEVER! This is important to people weight training. PLEASE.. PLEASE DO NOT use the scale for weight loss progress. You will feel defeated EVERY TIME (especially people with disorders and OCD). Just because you weigh more on the scale doesn’t mean exercising and eating right isn’t doing anything. Muscle weighs more then fat. I promise, just keep going.

830am Finished my protein shake in the morning on my way to work.. I work 45 min away from home, so I have a lot of time to think. I usually am such a basket case that I can never had a finished thought, but I’m trying to understand weight loss, and why so many people refuse to change.

Is it because we don’t like change? Or we don’t like change when it comes to ourselves? Is it because food is just so DAMN good? No motivation? No reason too? Don’t care? Too lazy? Not enough time?

Well.. everyone does everything because of something =D

Smokers smoke cigs because they are addicted to nicotine.  Alcoholics drink alcohol because they are addicted to it. Anorexics don’t eat because they are afraid of the image starring back at them.. Bulimics puke because they want there cake and ….well you know.  Men eat whatever they want because they assume metabolism means fatty foods don’t have the same effect as they do for everyone else.

1. Heart disease, cancer, stroke, diabetes doesn’t care if you have a fast metabolism and don’t gain weight from that double cheeseburger extra fry from Mcdonalds, everyday.
2. Eating like shit only hurts you.
3. Healthy eating doesn’t have to suck.
4. STOP BEING LAZY!

Not enough time? Why use that excuse? I don’t give a rats ass what you do all damn day, if you have 24 hours to breathe, you have 24 hours to get your life back. I can understand to an EXTENT but I am gone for 10 hours a day, go to class for 2 and 1/2 hours, and work out everyday AND make my food for each meal from SCRATCH ALL NATURAL FOODS. soo….. what the fuck?

It’s fine though, I’m not here to preach, I am just trying to understand this ridiculous thought process. I just know more then half of the people out there don’t like how they look naked, but a small majority of those people will actually do something about it.

It’s like if they don’t see results in 3 days they don’t think anythings working.. Well my friend, it took more then 3 days to put it on didn’t it?
Exactly.

Am I the only one that thinks this is common sense?

Maybe it’s not, but hey that’s why I’m here right? To teach people how to live healthy.

I’m sorry. I guess it just bugs me. If you are going to complain about the way you look, or treat people with disrespect because YOU AREN’T HAPPY with yourself, do everyone a favor and cut it out. You can be happy too. I mean who wouldn’t want to love themselves?

Am I being ignorant here? Honestly? I know people can love themselves at any weight and as long as YOU ARE happy and healthy I think you can be whatever size your little heart pleases to be, but if you constantly fight an upward battle with yourself PLEASE ask for help. You have to want to change in order to accept the help, but any step towards a better you is a step worth taking.

“When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.”

I have these quote hanging in my room and its so beautiful I smiled when it fit perfectly here.. And its true. I honestly cringe to think about all the hate in this world and how people are living day to day in such depression. I have been to the lowest lows, and thought things would never get better. Obviously I was wrong. I’m here today with a huge smile and such passion for life now it makes me giddy just thinking about how things have changed AND HOW THINGS CAN CHANGE FOR YOU TOO! You just have to believe that, and it’s the honest to God’s truth. I hope from reading my blog I can make you believe in yourself. I can’t make you change, but I can help with the understanding that you can do what you set your heart to do ❤

ANNNNNDDDDDDD that’s that. LOL.

941am & I am already starving. Awesome. I had 1/4 of a coconut cream pie Lara Bar when I was walking in and now I’m drinking tea till 10am, when I have to take a retarded class to set shit up for work. Then I have to study Chapter 8 in between breaks today because I don’t actually think I know anything about chapter 8. Maybe I’ll get lucky on the multiple choice 😉

Because I am online ALL the time during work, I found a bad ass recipe for a RAW BROWNIE w/ 5 ingredients. Fucking AWESOME.

The Raw Brownie
Ingredients:
2 cups whole walnuts
2 ½ cups Medjool dates, pitted
1 cup raw cacao
1 cup raw unsalted almonds, roughly chopped
¼ tsp. sea salt

Directions:
1. Place walnuts in food processor and blend on high until the nuts are finely ground.
2. Add the cacao and salt. Pulse to combine.
3. Add the dates one at a time through the feed tube of the food processor while it is running. What you should end up with is a mix that appears rather like cake crumbs, but that when pressed, will easily stick together (if the mixture does not hold together well, add more dates).
4. In a large bowl (or the pan you plan on putting the brownies in), combine the walnut-cacao mix with the chopped almonds. Press into a lined cake pan or mold. Place in freezer or fridge until ready to serve (it is also easier to cut these when they are very cold). Store in an airtight container.

My New Roots

I can NOT wait to try this ❤

2pm I FINALLY ATE! I was on a conference call for 2 hours, trying to set these credit card terminals up. One would work the other wouldn’t.. I then had to do one 4 times over entering ZD&YQ7&YF% lol over and over, pressing enter.. fuck.. then I had to go pick up a car 30 min away.. then go to my bank to pull money out (dont know where the fuck my debit cards are again…..), then headed to whole foods. LOL. I am so bad

Blackened Chicken Breast and Zucchini AND half of a lara bar (:)

Holy shit still haven’t studied.

Did I mention I work next to a huge bread factory?

Do you know how good fresh bread smells?

F
M
L

It’s 9:22pm. I wasn’t even going to finish this blog tonight because I am so unhappy.

1. I totally failed my test
2. I exceeded my calorie intact

Fuck #1 I don’t even care. It was bogus but what the fuck with #2 really????

I ate myself retarded in peanut butter and had some tuna then later I went down to eat cranberries. I just didn’t want to stop.  WAIT OMG! AND I HAD SWEET POTATOES TOO! It wasn’t really anything it was more so I was bored, and maybe SLIGHTLY FUCKING PISSED. I’m not completely upset where I’d ruin everything I worked for but I am not happy with myself AND I came home early enough to work out and I didn’t.

So I am going to bed, otherwise I will just keep eating. 😦