No negative nancy over here.. finally.

So with all my depressing posts lately I figured I’d switch it up a bit.. Things are going well (besides all my bullshit drama I create for myself) for a change.

My progress at the gym is getting better and better. Probably because the more leaner I get the easier it is for me to stay motivated. I had a long talk with my IG friend Jenna about getting upset when were working out when we feel disgusted with ourselves. I cant tell you how many times I have walked out of the gym, how many times I’ve cried at the leg press or how often I looked in the mirror and instantly became depressed and ruined my my motivation to continue. I’m not exaggerating either.. I have stopped mid set and walked out because my legs looked huge or my pants were too tight and my “muffin top” was noticeable. Then when anxiety sets in it becomes a nightmare and  may or may not turn into a binge that day, but it sure affects my attitude and my self worth. It’s a sad cycle to live, trust me.

However I think I’m over that phase right now ( I say right now because I have been doing this for the last 4 years) because I’m starting to see my progress. My legs are thinning out and I can feel my abs stubbornly trying to show. I have been eating pretty clean but allow myself to steal a french fry from my boyfriends plate or eat a serving of sorbet every now and then just to enjoy this whole process. I’m a sugar fein so giving myself a treat here and there is always nice. ( Speaking of being a sugar fein I allow all types of fruit in my diet I will only cut it out when I’m training for a show. Fruits can have a high carb count and be loaded with sugar but when I get crazy with working out anything whole natural and organic are all allowed).

I posted this picture yesterday on my other accounts and have been asked what my routine is.. So lets take a gander.. Lately I have been doing full body workouts however, I usually split it up by each body part training legs twice (a separate day for quads and another for hamstrings) but the thing that does stay the same is how I lift. I don’t train with a spotter but I try to lift as heavy as I can all the time unless I am super setting to exhaust my muscles (ie doing DB Bicep curls then taking a BB half the weight and knocking out as many reps as I can till failure).

I do about 200 weighted lunges a week (again I train legs twice a week so each session I do 5×20 lunges). I squat a lot and as heavy as I can (front squat sumo squat errrythangg). I also use BW squats and lunges as my active testing. Meaning in between reps I’ll knock out 20 body weight squats. I don’t have a rep or set scheme I tend to get unmotivated if I have a goal of 10 and I can’t reach it so I usually always go to failure. If the reps become too easy I up the weight

For cardio I spin (bike) the stair master (don’t hold on!!!!!) and always an incline on the treadmill. Cardio times always change depending on my mood and how hungry and cranky I am however I don’t do less than 30 min (unless I’m super uncomfortable). During contest prep it’ll range from 30min to 2 hours (spilt up into 2 sessions of course).

My “diet”:

My eating is pretty basic. I eat anything whole, natural and unprocessed.

Carbs: Brown rice oatmeal sweet potatoes regular potatoes whole wheat pastas and Ezekiel bread.

Protein: Ground turkey ground beef pork chicken. Any kind of protein rather  regardless of its fat content (everything in moderation).

This is what our date night always consists of… MEAT!

Any and all veggies and fruit!

Every Morning I have a protein shake with fruit and flaxseed. On Occasion I add 1/2c oatmeal to the mix. It’s easy convenient and usually tastes amazing (I use Dymatize Iso in Chocolate but currently have Gourmet Whey in strawberry banana and its awful). When I get hungry or about 2 1/2 hours later I will snack on either Greek Yogurt (Brown Cow is great and has the least amount of calories compared to Fage. Calories are important but I don’t count them its just why eat something I can consume for 1/2 of the calories and it tastes the same?). I have 100 calorie packs of almonds (because I could eat nuts all damn day), or maybe a serving of applesauce to hold me over. Next is usually a bigger meal around lunch time. It ranges from WW or Brown Rice pasta and ground turkey to Chicken Brown rice and broccoli. I sometimes get creative and make meatballs or something else but these are super simple to make and it is something I fall back on because I actually enjoy both dishes). Post work out I will have another meal containing protein (I don’t focus too much on the carbs here unless its leg day. Otherwise if I’m in the mood or just a little more hungry Ill eat a piece of E. Bread with PB). However when it comes to Post Workout a carb is SUPER important (its what makes you grow!!), as is protein so I’m sure to take in both. If I am up for more than a few hours after that meal I will consume a casein shake (casein protein digests at a relevantly slower rate which is great while you sleep).

Post Workout Smoothie made with greek yogurt instead of protein powder.

Until contest prep I have 1-2 cheat MEALS (NOT DAYS!!!) a week, where I have basically whatever I want for 1 meal. I also eat a lot of nuts (almonds cashews) and peanut butter on occasion. The thing with food is the less processed the better for you. “Dieting” isn’t fun, but changing your lifestyle can be. Granted I don’t eat out at McDonald’s or consume high amounts of bad fat on the daily (lets face it carbs fat and sugar taste like the devil!) but I do enjoy the foods I eat to maintain the body I want. You just have to prepare yourself first mentality. Start with goals and work towards them and get up and move!

Like here.. shes my motivation.

The hardest part is starting but you have to at one point right? My motivation comes from feeling uncomfortable in clothing which really puts me to tears. Though I have no one to blame but myself it’s a hard pill to swallow. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed life isn’t as easy as people make it out to be but once you start seeing progress you’ll get more and more excited to be a healthier you. The rewards of being happy with yourself is a prize within itself

Tomorrow you said yesterday.

730am Sunday Morning..

Had thoughts about not caring about what I eat today (I am currently on a two week “binge”). I think the reason for this is because I normally start on Mondays, the beginning of the week. Or on an even numbered day. Yes. I had bad OCD when I was in the midst of my eating disordered days. I was an even girl. Volume on the TV was the worst Oh, that and counting my steps. Probably why I ALWAYS look down.. I don’t know nor do I care to go in depth because I am over it 🙂

 

Off topic once again (my ADD lol) I don’t want to. I want to feel sexy again.

 

Now listen, I’m not fat, and I haven’t gained THAT much weight back from a few weeks ago..BUT I am in the uncomfortable stage..which I think I should set limits to (WHICH IS NOT GOOD I MIGHT ADD!). I don’t know my weight and I don’t think I would weigh myself till I KNEW the number would be acceptable..(yes I am starting to sound like I use too)..but honestly bare with me. Before back when I binged, I ate so much and was so uncomfortable bloated that I honestly thought the only thing I could do was puke it up. But I would ALWAYS stop myself. I thought that if I started back with my old tendencies that it would be like when I quit smoking cigs, one day I ONLY HAD A DRAG and I bought a pack the next day (thanks Meredith you asshole!)..but thats what I thought. I thought if I stuck my fingers down my throat that I would fall back to my bulimic days. Which I think I am still suffering from..my acid reflux has never been the same, but the biggest thing is the enamel on my teeth.It is literally stripped (I wouldn’t be surprised if one day I was told I had gum cancer..because I could press on my gums and they’d bleed).

 

Alright I am getting off topic ONCE again. Today is going to be prep day. My sister is leaving for her dads today so I can finally get all organized again. My meals will for the most part be all cooked. Well see how much I even got on my last Whole Foods trip. I am so broke right now it is actually getting a little scary. After the competition, then this damnlawyer shit..it’s all my fault but it sucks. I am literally working for free right now. Fuck anyways.. My personal life is affecting my overall fitness goals and that sucks. I am trying to separate the two, and after my court date I think I am going to definitely make the right changes in order to do so.

The Food Log

8am 1/2 cup greek yogurt with 1 tbs almond butter on a piece of ezekiel bread.
11am PB and J Quest Bar.
2pm- Any protein veggie mix (could have a carb if I'd like).
530pm- Protein and veggie mix.
9pm- Caesin Shake .

Yes I know I posted this and its not the end of the day but it’s sunday and I can control what meals I have and when. This will be my food log for the day. I just wanted to send out the blog before noon, hopefully get more followers asking questions :):)

The Workout

Hack Squat
5 sets total 12,12,10,8,8
Supersetted with
Wall Sits
5 sets total 30-45 seconds each.
Front Squat
50lb start, rep till failure
Superset w/Single Legged Squat
BW 8-10 reps EACH leg
Leg Ext
85lbs ^

 


Staying positive for the next few days to come. Will take it day by day, but I know I'll get there.

Day 93- 3 days left..

Wednesday, May 9th…

Woke up fat. No joke.

NO idea where my abs went. Possibly the more carbs I had yesterday due to a leg workout? UGH.

so guess what I did, I googled that shit.

Found the same shit I already knew, drink more water, sweat ext ext.. Did see something about preparation- H.. so I got it. Lmao. I am so bad. Do not follow what I do just yet.. the point of the cream is to apply it prior or cardio so it secretes the fluid out of that area…… *CROSSES FINGERS* *PRAYS* *BLOWS OUT A CANDLE* pleassssssssseeeeeeeeeee work..

I’ve had enough. 3 days. I can do this.

All I want is to finish this contest prep.. EAT like crap for 24 hours, then get back to my normal lifestyle. I want to eat fruit without guilt. I want to EAT TO GROW AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!!! I know I’ll lose my abs for a few days but I don’t care. You should see me at the gym late at night.. I am practically SLEEPING!!! I am trying so hard, then I beat myself up over the fact that it was possibly a shitty fucking workout. I need balance in my life. Balance and forgiveness, especially for oneself.

Alright so yesterday after my never ending work day I headed over to Taylor’s Salon after I walked Marley and ate really quick.. (@La Flavia Salon in IL).. I waited around for a bit, for her to finish with her last client then I was next! She ended up cutting about 4 inches off.. dry cut and everything. It. Looks. Awesome. Anyways after we were chit chatting.. she thought she was going to dye it as well.. well obviously a miscommunication.. haha.. so I am going back tomorrow (Thursday) for her to dye it and style it (just so I know what it looks like and if I want it up or down).. so yes.. any who.. after the haircut we went back to her house and she got ready and we hit the gym.

It was leg day.. the last leg day of this contest prep.  yep. and let me tell you I, my “rest” breaks were me shutting my eyes and trying to sleep. It was awful. The only bright side of this story is I lifted my heaviest.. weird? haha.. no joke.

Blah blah blah got home at 1130pm and passed the fuck out.

I did book the hotel, so that’s another thing off my list of things to do. Now its just a waiting game really lol. Playing around with my poses and how my “abs” look in certain poses.. I am def ready to get all pampered though. Taylor is going to do an amazing job I already know.. now if my body was up to par…..

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Don’t worry.. I’ll be confident up there because you really don’t have any other choice lmfao.. but deep down I could of done better. I just have to remind myself that I didn’t do this with the intention of trying to out beat every girl.. this was a personal goal.  Really just a set date that I needed to lose that god awful weight in and I think I at least accomplished that. Again.. just WAIT for the before and after pics.. I at least lost 25 SOLID POUNDS OF FAT. Ugh I was disgusting.

Alright that was my little update for you and again I apologize for the lack material in my blogs.. I PROMISEEEEE as soon as I get SOME energy I will put A LOT of effort into making this blog something special. I LOVE receiving the comments/feed back from you guys. It ALWAYS puts me in a better mood/ a smile on my face. So I thank you.

now, to leave you with a photo that have made my jaw drop today..

..talk about  motivation.

Now go work out! 😉

Day 69 <–lol

I love saturday mornings. Actually I love the weekend period, not having an alarm clock needed to be set is an AMAZING feeling and I value the time I have left with this peace.

Not just in general say, come monday, but when I actually have responsibilities later in life with kids. A Facebook friend and a cute little blogger is about to give birth probably any day now. Its super excited watching her grow and buy kids clothes ext (I don’t know where any of this is coming from). Btw I bought her something cute off etsy (which I have fallen in love with), and I just need to send it out. But yeah going back to my little rant, I appreciate my mornings I have to lay in bed and get that extra stretch in without needing to check the time. 🙂

So thank you God.

*belly is rumbling* and its 1036am.

But I have already been up and done an hour of cardio on the stair master.

The Food Log

930am Protein Shake (Dymatize, Muscleegg, a little water, PB2, Ice).
130pm Lean Ground Turkey w/ broccoli.
4pm 6oz Filet  Mignon w/ Asparagus.
8pm 2 Chicken slices w/ Asparagus and 1/2cup Muscleegg.
11pm Muscleegg (1/2 cup or so).

The Work Out

815am 45min Cardio on stairmaster (this was actually a personal challenge and it hurt).

550pm Started with Lying Chest Press/ Flye

30lbs x 12 x 2 w/ 15lbs x 10x 2
30lbs x 10 x 2 w/ 15lbs x 8 x 2 

Incline Chest Press

20lbs x 10 x 3
15lbs x 10 x 3

Plyo Work

20 (left and right count as one) Bosu Ball Jumps
1:30 min Planks w/
25 BW Jump Squats  x 4

so another 100 squats lol….

then the leg abducter/adducter
100-130lbs x 25 x 4

Cable Chest Flye x 4

45 Min Cardio

Day 69 in Pictures..

1. Cant really see her, but thats what I wake up too.
2. 60 Minutes of the Stairmaster. Awesome.
3. Tanning Lotions, couldn’t help it.
4. OMFG FOOD!
5. Marley thinking she owns shit.
6. Marleys Toys ❤
7. Marley loving her toys/treats ❤
8. My photoshopped ass.
9. Post Work out.
10. My favorite beggar.

So today was suppose to be laid back but like always my life is one big schedule. Worked out early (8am), showered, blogged, tanned, got food to grill, got Marley presents, prepared food, cooked food, worked out again, ate food again, back in bed. Lol. Uh….. well.. that should do it 🙂

She is my favorite. Miss Prestin ❤

Day 32 Without your mind’s support, your body won’t be able to make its transformation.

Not much going on today.. I don’t feel very “rantful” or opinionated today.. I also don’t feel that bad today lol.. Even after spending about 5 min starring at my stomach. lmfao. I look horrible. That and because I AS WHITE AS F U C K. but I was thinking about it today when I was walking my bosses dog that whenever my clients ask about ab work outs and what they want to look better the most ext..
..and I always tell them, you lose weight like a box, so the outside first.. (its hard to visualize), but your abs are the last to come in.. sorry kiddos!

which is true.. and even more so about this quote. If your mind is NOT ready, either are you. You have to WANT to change. You have to WANT a better lifestyle. KNOW that you can achieve this. It is all mind over matter. && BE PATIENT (i am SLLLLLLLLLOOOOWWLYYYYY learning this even after 5 years of a fitness lifestyle!!!!!!!!)

My legs are def getting defined and my shoulders are starting to round.
I am also losing the water weight/ the cellulite under my HUGE ASS!…. I will post pics after I spray tan this weekend, that get my nails done and dye my hair.

Can you believe I WENT 30 DAYS WITH NO SPRAY TAN OR FAKE NAILS! hahahahaha 😦 told you I was broke. damn imac. 2000 later……………………………………
I have a good warranty though.. LOL.

8am finished my protein shake already. it was just so good.

Having stomach problems again today. Before I thought it was because of an orange, but I didn’t have any today. Then I realized I am having ALOT of fiber/flax. LMFAO.  So I  have to be careful.

1030 Handful of Almonds

1122am On vitacost.com and I feel like I’m buying a new louis bag or something. I am getting anything my little heart desires. Like thoseeeeeee…….. GO RAW SUPERCOOKIES! haha..  I could go just down the street, but free shipping and I think they are a dollar less.. I don’t see all the flavors, nor do I have a website to go to.. So far I have lemon chocolate ginger snap original and I think spicy. superfuckingexcited.

Only spent about $40 🙂 so kinda happy. BUT I do have to buy myofusion and more aminos.. so that’s another 50-60$

😦

12pm Ate my chicken breast. Still hungry. Gonna munch on some edamame and keep surfing the internet lol.

Lifting Shoulders today though, with 30 min cardio. Kinda excited. I do love shoulders 🙂

210pm I just want to get out of here.

258pm Eating another chicken breast in about 30 min, still snacking on edamame and I only had like 5 of the raw lemon cookies.

So just an UPDATE:

Made another blog.. by popular demand. Bad Bitch of the Day. Where I post who I think is just RAVISHING! hahaha.. It’s anywhere from fitness models or personal friends ext. It is a big hit on my Facebook and someone mentioned to make a blog, okay they mentioned it more then once but 2 BLOGS???? one is hard enough!
However I don’t think BBOTD will need a lot of attention. Just daily updated pics, MAYBE bios ext. I don’t know.. I don’t know if I even should get in this mess lol.. but I’ll give it a shot.

608pm Just got home, gonna take Marley for a walk.. Sitting here writing I am getting a little bit tired.. not a good sign.. I think I may eat a meal before working out, or just lightly “snack”.. Idk I feel like I have been enjoying my fruits way to much (BUT I HAVENT HAD A LARA BAR IN A DAY OR TWO!!! haha usually I have one everyday, maybe even twice a day!) but it’s because I found cooler stuff to munch on..

So in about a week or 2 I am going to start cutting back on a few things (fruits, lara bars ext) not extremely but I do have to step it up a bit. Fruit may just be only in the am ( I find myself snacking on fruit later on in the day, which isn’t nec a bad thing because I work out at night), however, that and I need to add 15 min to my cardio sessions. 🙂

This is what I spent time on in class yesterday. =)

GETTTTTING CLOOOOOSERRRRRRRR !!! ❤ I am going to start posting bikini ideas, hopefully whoever gets this far down and reads this, leave a comment about which bikini you like.. I have like 58378932 ideas 🙂 I really wanted to do a pink this comp, but maybe a gold or a black (black always looks good!).

Anyone try these??

I wonder how good they are.. And little miss april I thought of you 🙂 but then again, I see myself eating these flax “cookies” and I could eat the whole bag. Regardless they only have like 300-400 MAX calories but still I am still learning how to listen to my body.

I am slowly figuring out where I get my stomach aches from.. I have to start writing this shit down.. because like the orange for instance, I ate it and RIGHT away (the acid i know…) KILLED my stomach.. But it only lasted like 30 min… which I think is a fine compromise to keep oranges in my life 🙂

BOULDER SHOULDERS!!!!!

Seated DB shoulder press

Lateral Raises/ supersetted with Front Raises

I am going to throw in some chest here too..

Incline chest press

Flyes

Upright row

Seated chest press

These are pictures I took today lol..
Above: In between chest press
Below: After I got home =D

942pm Just had a protein shake with chia seeds, pb2 powder and ice… I just chugged it.. didn’t taste that great.. I really REALLY need myofusion. and I am running low on aminos.. I might get them tomorrow.. who knows..

alright this blogging day is about done..OH

and I keep getting requests for personal training which is AWESOME! I charge $50 a session, and usually DONT travel, and sure as HELL don’t do it in peoples houses. I think I should just buy a huge like SUV with like cables kettle bells and other moveable workout shit and just like…… Idk travel and train lol.. I think I could make it my business.. All we would really did is like a stadium or any type of flight of stairs or a track or something ya know.. any who.. I should look into it.. I could even write my shit off for taxes because it would be my  job.. gas, my car lol ext..

HMMMMMMMMMM :):):):) Anywho.. in a good mood…. Gonna relax and hit the sack.. don’t have to be up till 9 tomorrow so I am going to take a long bubble bath 🙂

Okay so 1113pm I went and smoked with someone.. and you know what I Found out.. I am VERY opinionated.. I don’t talk badly about someone who doesn’t feel the same way, but I get so defensive. And its because I am passionate about the topic we are discussing.. Oh man……. I need to just breathe sometimes… I get so upset so quickly.. Like something I Didn’t mention before..

I was at bp completely on E and the pump I was on wasn’t working. I immediately started swearing.. I even thought to myself, why I was making a big deal of it.. I mean all i had to do was walk to the actual station.. whooopdeeedoo.. but then the cashier was rude as fuck and said just let it cancel out.. oh okay.. so whatever I see that it finally is at the screen I want I take the pump and put it in my tank and press the unleaded button.. ANNNNNNND NOTHING!. FUCK THAT> at that point I didn’t care I really just wanted to leave, but I practically threw the pump itself back into the holder, except it didn’t actually latch on, and I THOUGHT about leaving it,s at in the car looked out and swore even louder as I got out to put it back up (more so just making me look like an idiot), and then I reversed and shoved my credit card into the machine and it worked just fine…. All for $10 in gas because I was so pissed I didn’t wanna stand there…. then I got in the car drove off, 5 minutes later perfectly fine.

Oh.
Okay..

Goodnight ❤